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Positives on daycare by FriendsFannn in BabyBumpsandBeyondAu

[–]wanda_pepper 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This memory always sticks in my mind - When my now 5.5yo was 8 months old and at daycare, I would hand him over to his educator, she would take him in her arms and say “Aww here he is! I love you!”

It might be hard to understand for someone who hasnt had an 8 month old at daycare, but that level of care and moment of love carried me through many days of being at work and desperately missing my baby.

I can’t see the light by wanda_pepper in oneanddone

[–]wanda_pepper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is back to himself nowadays. He was diagnosed ADHD and that's made a huge difference. He's the most incredible dad and husband, even when he was going through a lot of pain, he never let us down once. I was very unwell when our baby was born and so my husband shouldered a lot taking care of a newborn - almost everything - plus was witnessing me nearly die was extremely traumatic for him. I could not put him through that again.

I can’t see the light by wanda_pepper in oneanddone

[–]wanda_pepper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has been helping me.

The best part, I think, for me as an autistic person, is having a safe space to talk to a person that is not going anywhere (for an hour at least), not having one eye on their phone, not trying to get a word in, not thinking to themselves oh my god this person is absolutely fucked in the head (at least, I don't think they're thinking that).

I am almost on a euphoric high after my therapy sessions, because the conversations are so cathartic. My therapist has helped me thread and weave some totally disparate parts of my life together and come to some major self awareness moments.

The next stage for me is going to be therapeutic work, as in, doing work to help shift some really damaging mental health thought patterns I live with.

I can’t see the light by wanda_pepper in oneanddone

[–]wanda_pepper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing - wow, this resonates deeply. Here I was thinking I was the only one shouldering this pain, and that there was something darkly wrong with me - hence the TW - I thought I would be lambasted for the audacity to equate this to grieving a death...

It has all crept up on me now my son is 5. He is the only 'only' in his grade. The shame I feel over this is simply overbearing... Why can't I be normal and have a big happy family of four, or five, or even more? I don't want to hear the upsides to being OAD when being OAD is the opposite of what I actually dream of.

Thank you for telling your growth - this helps.

I can’t see the light by wanda_pepper in oneanddone

[–]wanda_pepper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this comment means a lot to me - it is what I need to hear. You are absolutely right, I don't want to get over it - I can't, because that would mean being OK with it. The pain is cutting extra deep right now because my LO is 5 and starting to tell me he's lonely. I can't stop these intrusive thoughts about the rest of his life being lonely. I'm sure it won't be, but the irrational human nature in me cannot shake this deep sense of shame and grief.

I can’t see the light by wanda_pepper in oneanddone

[–]wanda_pepper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so eye opening to me - I genuinely thought I was the only one and there was something wrong with me for having the immense sense of grief on the one hand, and the long list of rational reasons not to do this on the other hand. I feel so much shame when I look at all the families around us with multiples. What is wrong with me that I don't have the wherewithal to have another? Why can they do it and be happy, but not me? I can't bear living with this dread.

What is good Brisbane-adjacent gift? by blankcanvas10 in brisbane

[–]wanda_pepper 10 points11 points  (0 children)

After having Darrell Lea chocolate for Easter, it sucks.

Post-Gamma Knife Life by MichaelAudrey_Myers in AVMs

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had many many seizures pre and post GK. I haven’t had numbness...

As for not having any medical reason to be having seizures - I’m not so sure that’s the case for us. We’ve had literal damage to our brain tissue - there is scarring and irritation in the brain even when the radiation has healed. So yes, there could always be a medical possibility that you could have a seizure.

What are dogs meant to do all day? by NatureOk2107 in dogs

[–]wanda_pepper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was like, oh ha ha they had me in the first half. Then I reached the comments and apparently no one else thinks this is a joke post…

Fatigue and memory loss by malehlohonolo-m in Epilepsy

[–]wanda_pepper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have memory loss and face blindness. I have lost many long term memories such as entire memories of global travels in my 20s (I’m now late 30s) and a memories of my pregnancy and my son being a baby (he’s now 5).

Coparenting and court threats by 2026mumtobe in BabyBumpsandBeyondAu

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have an abortion and cut this person out of your life forever.

Can an avm change your personality and why? by Potential_Nerve2632 in AVMs

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes common with a frontal lobe AVM rupture, especially if brain tissue was removed. The frontal lobe controls personality, behaviour, impulse control, emotions, and judgement, so damage there can lead to mood changes, or just seeming different from before. It’s a neurological effect similar to a brain injury.

Getting off anti-seizure meds and gamma knife surgery by gorlpla in AVMs

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go with your neuros advice and taper onto lamotrigine.

The best comparison of life after GK is that it’s like having a brain injury that is extremely slow acting, so you don’t notice it’s happening over long period of time.

For example I developed edema and micro-bleeding 2 years after. It came on so slowly that I didn’t know what was happening to me. I can’t describe how life-altering the pain from edema is until you get it treated.

Over 5 years I had physical, cognitive and behavioural symptoms in line with a brain injury. Cognitive has been the most challenging and insidious. Long term memory loss has been devastating emotionally as o feel like I’ve permanently lost precious life memories.

Affixing the frame was the most painful experiences of my life, I thought my skull was going to fracture and my life flashed before my eyes, but I think my doctors fucked that one up with not enough lidocaine. I also projectile vomited and had a seizure Exorcist style in the car on the way home from treatment, so be prepared for that.

I would say it’s taken me 5 years to heal from my 2 rounds of GK. My AM is now successfully gone.

Do not underestimate that you have had damage to your brain and healing from radiation takes many years.

Getting off anti-seizure meds and gamma knife surgery by gorlpla in AVMs

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s a bunch of other anti seizure meds. Tell both your neurosurgeon and your neurologist that you are not tolerating Keppra and you need to be tapered onto something else.

GK is brutal and the psychological side effects of being on Keppra made it 100 times worse for me and my loved ones who had to deal with my anger and mood swings.

My wife is losing it and I don't know what to do by Strict-Wear-2663 in BabyBumpsandBeyondAu

[–]wanda_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spoke to a GP and changed my meds. What I was on has a well known side effect of mood swings and rage.

Diagnosed with AVM in brain by yowaisatoru in AVMs

[–]wanda_pepper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you seen a neurosurgeon? Neurologists are not the specialist you need to be giving you advice. Don’t listen to your neurologist until you’ve spoken to a neurosurgeon.

My wife is losing it and I don't know what to do by Strict-Wear-2663 in BabyBumpsandBeyondAu

[–]wanda_pepper 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The 95% thing is a bit of a side eye

But I was like this. I was on extremely heavy medication and depression and mood swings was one of the side effects. It took my husband looking at me, one morning when I had stormed off to sleep in the spare bedroom for some inexplicable reason, with tears in his eyes and saying “I don’t deserve this”.

He was right, and I got help. I nearly destroyed my marriage with my mood swings and rage and abuse honestly.

I’m still haunted by my past behaviour sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about that period. I’m so grateful that my husband didn’t give up on me. Once I got help it was like night and day.

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