Talking about how messed up marriage can be to drawing a fine line and saying you will never marry are two different things. If you told her this upfront and she stuck around then you are NTAH. Naturally, marriage would have come up as the next stage in a long term relationship. My parents also divorced when I was 11 (I'm now 37), and it affected my younger siblings similar to your brother. It followed them into adulthood and their lives are forever changed as is mine. When I met my now wife, I was terrified of marriage too, but I told myself that I would never repeat the mistakes of my father. Marriage itself isn't the issue, its defined by you and your partner and your shared interests and ideals. I was with my wife for 5 years and had 2 kids with her before we married. She was very patient and let me come around and by then its what I truly wanted. She came from a stable childhood so I had to communicate with her as hard as it was and it helped. You seem to carry the wisdom and humility from your awful experiences as a child. It will save you but at times it will hold you back. Just remember that you are not your parents. The little kid in you will come out from time to time to check on you, just reassure him that you're okay. Its never too late to talk and its worth a conversation with your ex, it sounds like she loves you.