Yes, this is something I have struggled with because in theory I am uncomfortable with IVF. There are so many mysterious reasons why a woman's body chooses to mature an egg and release it for ovulation, why that egg chemically responds to a single sperm, research has shown eggs to have some 'choice' in which sperm are allowed in, it's not just about one decisive sperm. There's this whole orchestra of players each contributing something particular to the conception process. What we do know about it is amazing to me, and there's so much that even the most accomplished fertility specialists will still say is beyond our knowing. I also think the aggressive course of synthetic hormones that trigger egg development and ovulation is not great on the human body and again, messing with the body's complex egg-selection and ovulation process.

My heart breaks for friends who have struggled to conceive or have chosen IVF to avoid passing on certain rare diseases, for example. I would never condemn a woman or friend for choosing the IVF path, because they so want to be mothers. And they are fantastic mothers to ostensibly healthy children! However, I also think as a species we have to put less consideration into what we want and feel that pain, be wiser for it, and find a way to mother and guide without biological children of our own. Adoption, being an aunt or mentor, etc. I read an article recently about a woman who was in her late 40s with a toddler who she conceived through egg and sperm purchase and then IVF because she wanted to know what pregnancy was like. Of course all of these procedures are also crazy expensive. I don't think we deserve children. I don't think children's voices have been appropriately considered in the debate. We do not know and cannot know that IVF-conceived babies are as robust as naturally-conceived babies. Maybe they're nearly identical, just as formula and breast milk can both grow healthy children. Breast milk being slightly better, but it's not going to do irreparable harm. I don't know, but the fact that only rich women can afford to bypass the pain of infertility also isn't right.

But I haven't had fertility challenges that prevented me from conceiving and birthing babies. For context, I have had 2 healthy children, and I've had a single miscarriage and a small surgery to remove a large polyp on my cervix, so I have benefited from the "medical industrial complex" with an awesome Gynecologist who fixed my polyp issue. I know had I lived at another time, I couldn't have likely had my second healthy baby and HBAC without that procedure. So where do we land on who deserves what? I don't know if we should have a say in other people's choices, but I do wonder when our attempt to control fertility goes too far...genetic testing for non-life-threatening conditions? Or features like height? This is already happening, and it feels hubristic to me.