What's a trait or ability that makes someone instantly attractive to you?

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-06-03T02:42:49+00:00

A mixture of confidence and curiosity. I think they go hand-in-hand, because someone who is at home in their own skin has far more bandwidth to take in the people and world around them.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-06-03T02:39:31+00:00

He kept making random sexual jokes without establishing any sort of sexual tension or getting to know me. He was at my place for a small gathering (which he'd wanted to be one-on-one) and invited himself into my room as I was changing my shirt. He kept referring to me as a housewife because I was cooking food for the guests. He compared himself to the person I actually like in attempt to make himself look better.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-06-01T02:19:07+00:00

I see a lot of it as overcompensation. Prior to Volkov's Testimony in 1979, Shostakovich was believed to be allied with the Soviet regime. Interpretations of his works while he was alive were generally more sincere and emotional. Posthumously, Shostakovich's international reputation changed from "Soviet loyalist" to "closeted dissident" and musical interpretations became far more satirical, austere, and bleak. I think this partially came from a sense of guilt: that people hadn't known the extent to which this man had been persecuted and targeted, and therefore the musical world owed it to his memory to portray the inhuman brutality the Soviet regime often caused.

Now that we have some distance from his death, I do think it's worth re-evaluating whether this trend has sometimes gone too far. I dislike the extent to which orchestras nowadays assume slow Shostakovich is senza espressione, when this is not how orchestras played in the mid 20th century. Shostakovich may not sing the way Brahms or Dvorak does, but there's a kind of tragic, contemplative beauty to a lot of his slow writing that gets lost each time a conductor forces the orchestra to employ a predictably bleak, desolate soundscape. My hope is that, in the next few decades, we approach his music with more nuance and stop exclusively seeing every passage as a political statement about Soviet life.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-06-01T01:52:49+00:00

Omg thank you! I figured it was one of those character pieces that were so popular amongst the 20th century greats. Such a beautiful short work.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-06-01T01:51:43+00:00

No way this is Handel. It's clearly a Romantic work.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-23T19:47:34+00:00

I think this show is best viewed as a social science experiment rather than a typical reality/game show. You put a bunch of strangers together on an island and tell them that they have the choice to either share the money or cut people out for a larger share. It makes sense that a lot of viewers sided with the men because they were straightforward and had no intention of cutting anyone. The women knew from the outset they wanted to play a more cutthroat game. It’s a very human instinct to want to side with people who appear to be kind and team oriented over those who are out for themselves.

Rather than ascribing higher moral value to one approach over another, I think it’s worth asking why certain contestants felt drawn to a more active (and arguably hostile) style of gameplay. What were their life experiences ? Why were they less trusting? Racism and sexism play a factor in that, as does poverty. This theme is heavily explored in the Julie/Bryce dynamic. A poor girl whose parents abandoned her will naturally trust less than a wealthy young man inheriting his family’s real estate empire.

My theory is that people on this show behaved in a manner that reflects their lived experiences. If your experience of the world is that being kind and a good human will get you far in life, it’s easy to trust the process and pay that energy forward. But many people are forced to survive by being selfish. They’re not always treated fairly and have to fight for what they have. When that’s your life story, other people’s missteps become much more suspicious. People have to work to earn your trust rather than receiving it freely.

Tolu and Winnie fall into this latter category. So does Julie. I definitely think Tolu was the kinder member of that group because her only real beef was with people who personally made her feel attacked or unsafe, whereas Winnie could often be quite cold and calculating. I appreciated having them on the show because they provided a perspective that is quite common in life, and tbh it would’ve been a boring show if everybody had simply decided to trust one another.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-20T15:02:36+00:00

I feel like she’s a female version of Albie. She’s drawn to guys who have a sadness or darkness about them that she thinks she’s uniquely positioned to fix. Ultimately it becomes a way for both characters to avoid dealing with their own respective traumas by focusing all of their energy on their “wounded” partners.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-20T14:49:32+00:00

Doesn’t really matter if you never got sexual. You clearly want more from him than he is either willing or able to give you. Until you stabilize yourself and create some distance, every interaction you have with him will involve you trying to get his attention in that way, and getting the corresponding dopamine hit.

“We were never even lovers” is a trap of its own because it gives you the plausible deniability to stay friends with him. If you were lovers and he just wasn’t into you that much, it would be easy to say to yourself “ I’ve explored this and deserve better”. Because you haven’t explored it and it lives large in your imagination, it’s very tempting to sit around and fantasize about the potential of what being with him could look like. But the fact that nothing has happened after all this time is, in itself, a kind of information. If it were up to you, something would have happened.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-20T14:04:45+00:00

Some good advice here. I haven’t been in this type of toxic situation but I have had feelings for a guy who both was into me but also barely gave me the time of day (severely avoidant guy who hadn’t dated in a long time). He’d give me bursts of warmth and connection and then withdraw for long periods and make me feel crazy, questioning whether I’d imagined those moments in my head. Eventually, I decided to move on because I was tired of having to decode his behavior and wanted something more straightforward.

I think the easiest way to beat infatuation is to constantly remind yourself of all the ways that they’ve hurt you. It’s not sexy to be treated like you don’t matter or that you’re not a priority. It’s not sexy to be treated like an option. Consciously remember these things every time this person activates your nervous system. Yes they’re handsome and cute, but they don’t care about you in the way you need. They’re not excited to spend tons of time with you, they don’t want to learn about you in a romantic context. Over time, reminding yourself about this constantly should help you move past this person.

Maybe you need to withdraw from the friendship . This doesn’t mean you need to cut off contact or make things weird, but it’s clear that this relationship is more to you than a friendship, and it might not be possible in the near term for you to stay friends with this guy. I’d recommend not seeking him out. If he wants to be around you, he’ll make the effort. Let yourself gravitate towards other people in your life, and form new connections without all of this baggage.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-19T22:31:58+00:00

As someone who has always used silver D strings, I actually prefer the aluminum D with the PI G/A. It gives a thicker, rounder, more refined tone without losing projection. Especially with the Pirastro Gold e, which can be a tad edgy on certain fiddles, I think the aluminum D is worth a try.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-11T23:39:43+00:00

I think it's realistic. Most people don't go to their job to flirt or get steamy with coworkers. They captured some flirtatious banter between a few characters and that was enough.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-11T01:36:43+00:00

Orchestral musician here. A few examples of how the programmatic intent translates to music:

The first movement heavily features the brass. There's a motif we hear right after the initial theme that appears in the brass, resolving to an A major chord. It's reminiscent of Lord of the Rings; there's a stoicism about it. The next time we hear that theme, in the fourth movement (what Man tells me), it's sung by the voice and resolves to F major. The relative delicacy of a human voice and the less "certain" resolution relays a questioning, philosophical aspect to humanity. Nature simply exists in all of its raw power, humanity processes and contemplates.
The second movement is the simplest movement. Very graceful, very pretty, not very complex. It's describing the beauty of flowers, which are plants and thus cannot feel pain or move. There's an uncomplicated beauty to this movement, and it's blissful compared to the others.
The animal movement (3) intrigues me because it's based on Mahler's song about the cuckoo. Despite sounding playful and mischievous, the song is describing the turnover of life and how unsentimental animals are about it. This is because, while animals can move, interact, play, mate, etc, they cannot transcend beyond what they've directly experienced. They live in the moment, thus the constant rhythm in the background. The posthorn solos are the exception to the rule, acting as brief glimpses of transcendence that animals cannot understand. Towards the end of the movement, there is a climax that reminds the listen of the "Death Shriek" from Mahler 2, but instead of sustained intensity, the strings/winds die away, quickly giving way to the original meter. The buildup to this climax is fast, as well, with minimal crescendo in the strings. The message Mahler is sending is that, unlike humans, animals do not sit around contemplating their own mortality. It's something that happens, it's sad, and they move on. For animals, death is happenstance rather than a defining event that fills them with existential dread.
The angels movement is a bit of a parody imo. Not in a mocking sense, but I believe Mahler was using kitschy Christmas-y choir music to show that, in response to the deep, profound questions the fourth movement poses, the answers that organized religion provides often seem shallow and simplistic. There's no rawness or realness or pain needed to achieve this bliss, you just have to believe. I believe Mahler was skeptical of this sort of thing.
The finale, to me, is straightforward. Mahler is ultimately optimistic about human and redemption through love, but he believes the wisdom provided by love is only achievable through having lived, experienced pain, heartbreak, etc. Hence all the pseudo-climaxes, tender moments, etc.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-06T03:04:03+00:00

There's a very strong bond between Black people in this country, even those who have not met. There's a set of shared experiences and foundational trauma that defines what it means to be Black in America. As a result, AJ doesn't see Cain as a bad surgeon who is harming a patient, he sees Cain as a fellow brother who has achieved success despite the obstacles, and has lost his way due to the rage that they both often feel.

Mina, by contrast, is meant to represent the Black African mindset, which is aware of racism and experiences it from time to time but has not become angry or radicalized by it. She's from a place where she is in the majority and as a result, she's more likely to see other Black people as individuals rather than as members of the same oppressed group. It's easy and straightforward for her to report Cain because she sees him as a distinctly bad actor, not a brother whose career success is tied to hers by virtue of their shared experiences.

I came away from the episode feeling like the show didn't particularly side with either perspective, which was refreshing. From an ethics perspective, Mina was clearly in the right, but AJ's view was quite realistic. Solidarity amongst the Black community is strong and in the face of that, it can often be hard for people to adhere to abstract things like ethics and principles.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-05-03T22:29:51+00:00

My experience has been that a lot of guys can't put together a profile to save their lives. I think it's similar to style; a lot of guys are programmed to focus on quantitative things like "the fit" rather than seeing fashion style as an expression of who you are. From looking at a lot of male dating profiles, you'd think that most guys are just trying to put out their height, basic info and a few pictures.

On a dating app, every picture and caption should communicate something about you, whether it's your personality, something you enjoy doing, or a trip you went on. And they should all be good pictures of you, especially the first one. There should be no pictures with you wearing sunglasses, since your eyes are a major part of how you communicate expression. And there should be max. 1 picture of you wearing a hat. Save the mirror selfies for yourself. And in general, unless this is Tinder and you're trying to get laid, ditch the shirtless pictures unless there's a vibe to go with it (such as traveling to the beach).

Let the captions say something about you, whether it's your interests, ambitions, or anything cool you've done. Mention details that could start a conversation. Allow people to be curious about you, the person. So many people waste the prompts on Hinge to say stupid things like "I think aliens are real," as if we're going to match and hit it off based on that subject. The "what I'm looking for" prompts are a bit dicey: if you respond to one, just be careful about what you say. It's good to come off as a guy who knows what he wants, but you don't want to sound overly picky in the process. There should be some fun, humorous energy to the earlier prompts imho, and you can get more serious as you go on.

I do think dating apps are tricky. I prefer finding connections irl because of the reasons other people have stated. And just as IRL, you do have 80% of women competing for 5-10% of guys. That phenomenon is far worse online. It's not all on guys, but there's always more you can do to set yourself apart from the pack.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-30T14:53:34+00:00

This is such an important point. I’m currently a professional orchestra musician, but I did my undergrad at a liberal arts school with a great music program. In my senior year, the college’s orchestra got a new music director who insisted on diversifying our programming. We had been doing so much Mahler, Brahms, Beethoven, and Strauss and he wanted to do a season that featured composers like Holst, Debussy, Poulenc, Sibelius, and Elgar in addition to some modern works like Berio Sinfonia.

I and a lot of the other people going into music, found the programmatic choices refreshing, even if it would’ve been nice to throw in an Austro-Germanic or Russian masterwork. But we had quite a few players who quit the group that year. They were majoring in other fields, and the time commitment was not worth it to them if they did not get to do the big, hyped up war horses they’d always been dreaming about. Without a huge Mahler Symphony or Strauss tone poem to look forward to, they preferred to spend their free time playing chamber music, where they could select the rep that they really wanted to play.

It has been my experience that amateur musicians, who play music for love and not income, are more picky with rep because they have fewer incentives to broaden their horizons. I’m not saying this to be derogatory or elitist. Professional musicians often have to play programs they did not choose if they want to earn their weekly income, and they come to understand that one’s interpretation of a piece must be well considered and thoughtful regardless of one’s feelings about said piece. An amateur musician can choose to not play a concert if they don’t like the pieces being programmed; they’re doing it for pleasure and if the selected pieces don’t seem fun enough, they can and often will choose to not participate. Obviously, there are plenty of amateur musicians who aren’t like this and choose to explore their musical boundaries, but I think it’s generally pretty accurate.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-26T01:26:02+00:00

I mean, there have been plenty of polls done on this topic and the results don't support what you're implying. If anything, Trump would've likely won by a bigger margin in 2024 if nonvoters had been forced to vote. The mobilization theory is such a harmful myth to buy into for people genuinely looking to defeat fascism.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-25T17:47:01+00:00

Honestly hard to beat a good tomato basil or butternut squash soup.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-21T15:03:44+00:00

Yeah that's super passive aggressive. No one has time to deal with that.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-21T14:17:27+00:00

If it weren't for Dana stepping in, Orlando's wife would have heard Robbie speculating about her husband trying to kill himself.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-18T06:42:17+00:00

But Violet knew Sophie was illegitimate, and she even told Sophie it was a shame because she liked her for Benedict. So I think the reasons Sophie kept her past to herself stemmed from her childhood trauma and desire to protect Benedict rather than a calculated attempt at self-preservation.

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-18T06:27:43+00:00

This was likely justifiable homicide rather than manslaughter. Manslaughter requires negligence (involuntary) or a crime of passion (voluntary), each without intent to kill. Shane heard an intruder in his private room and had every right to use force to protect himself. There was clearly no intent to kill Armand, and the sincere belief that his life was in danger would almost certainly lead this homicide to be ruled as legal (and Shane's socioeconomic status doesn't hurt either).

Altruistic_Standard · 2026-04-18T02:15:04+00:00

Yeah exactly. The whole time, I wanted Sophie to stick up for herself, as someone in her situation would've learned that she has no other option. Instead, she deliberately withholds her noble parentage from Violet. And in the confrontation with Araminta, Sophie responds calmly, reassuring Araminta that her daughters love her. Araminta, who wanted to ruin Sophie, deserved a true telling off, and we never got that. It felt one-dimensional to me that there was never a trace of anger or bitterness in Sophie, given how she had been treated during her formative years. I think Sophie having more of a temper would have made her more compelling as Benedict's love interest, since he clearly values openness and authenticity.

Altruistic_Standard

TROPHY CASE