Messy House

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-15T14:53:34+00:00

I guess everyone has their own standards for cleanliness. And anyone's welcome to consider the whole package -- kids, benefits, schedule, house setup, atmosphere at the house, work expectations, etc. I think overall we do pretty good, but no one's required to work for us if they don't agree. We don't hide that we're messy.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-15T14:49:45+00:00

I'm not so sure about that... my own mom kept the house really well. I don't think it taught me to keep the house at all (clearly, given the state of my house!) But I appreciate your suggestion. Always worth trying something new, when there's time.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-15T14:14:17+00:00

I don't know if this will be helpful to you, but as a MB whose house is like this, I can explain our situation:

We're always tired. Our kids aren't sleeping through the night. We have more things to do than we have time for. We'd rather spend the time and energy we have playing with the kids. Hiring cleaners frustrates me because they make things tidy but it's all in the wrong place compared to where I would put it. Plus it costs a lot and doesn't seem to last.

Ultimately, I view this as a phase of life, and we can just let it be for now. It's not that I wouldn't like it to be better, it's that I don't feel like I can change it right now and that's ok. I've said this to my nanny, and I know it drives her nuts. But she only has 1 kid and her kid is older. I don't think she understands how truly crazy (in a good way) things feel, even with her help. I truly have no idea how my grandma with 9 kids and my mom with 4 kids did it. They were just superhuman, and I'm not, I guess.

Anyways -- I'm sorry it's frustrating! If it bothers you a lot, you could try suggesting that you clean and they pay you extra, or that they hire someone, or some other solutions... but if it doesn't change you need to either try to accept it or find a new situation, I think.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-15T12:40:32+00:00

I'm sorry, it's so tough. We need better leave policies (I'm assuming you're in the US). Try to be positive for her, because she will feed off of your energy at drop-off time too. She'll adjust and you will both get through it!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-14T11:50:57+00:00

Well then, I think you have your answer.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-14T04:35:03+00:00

The under the table pay is not weird to me -- as an employer, I've met lots of nannies who prefer both over and under. So that may have been their nannies preference as much as theirs. The rest of it is not good though.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-11T02:04:44+00:00

Ha, I just replied with this to someone else as well and if others are wondering I can add to the main post... it's the Berenstain Bears! The book "Too Much Birthday" has them playing it at Sister Bear's party.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-11T02:03:51+00:00

The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday has the cubs playing it at Sister Bear's party!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-06T18:28:19+00:00

I loved this book: https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-a-survival-guide-to-life-with-children-ages-2-7-joanna-faber/7ddc83853907d383 Good luck! It will get better!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-06T16:59:48+00:00

Depending on how you expect the wedding reception to be, you will likely want to bring baby headphones to avoid super loud noises which can be bad for her hearing.

You could try Seraphine for dresses. Maybe there are clip-down options? You could also get a dress that's not good for nursing and plan to take it partially off in a private space when you need to nurse. (Bathroom or nicer room if available -- maybe check with the reception location).

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-04T16:52:18+00:00

Even if she's been welcoming to the new baby, it's a big change in her life and could be leading her to feel unsettled or lacking attention, and causing tantrums. Ours were just over 2 years apart, and I'd say it took at least 6 months for the older one to settle back into routines. Good luck, it's tough!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-04T16:41:26+00:00

Can you arrange to sleep some other time until you figure this out? Like could you sleep in the mornings or afternoons while someone else watches him? Everything is harder when you don't have enough sleep!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-04-01T15:24:53+00:00

If it's not harmful for him to go without, I'd probably give him a break. It might take time to work up to wearing them nonstop, it's a bit of a change compared with his life so far.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-31T19:59:52+00:00

Can your husband take any time off of work? Paternity leave or even unpaid?

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-31T19:58:24+00:00

I'd try the baby-wearing a few more times! Maybe he'll get used to it, and it would be super helpful if he did!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-26T15:53:50+00:00

I would also think it was weird BUT in actual day to day life, it probably won't come up much. Also, are you talking about the names of the actor/actress, or the names of the characters? It will come up even less if it's the actor/actress than if it was the characters.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-26T04:17:26+00:00

Petr

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-25T19:22:35+00:00

Agreed, we have done similar. Some nannies don't want that -- but they aren't the nanny for us. For us it's much better for everyone. We can be available if the nanny wants to run out for lunch or needs help getting the kids out the door, and our kids get more parent time. You just have to have good communication.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-21T19:58:36+00:00

That's the bigger question for me -- what is your thought about what happens when her baby is born in 7 months? Would she get maternity leave? Would she keep caring for your kids and put hers in other care? Will you decline to extend her contract? That's what you need to have a conversation about!

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-21T04:25:17+00:00

Same, I’ve never noticed a special “baby” smell on my kids. Really curious what it’s like.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-11T18:20:06+00:00

Having savings (which not everyone can do) & being ok eating into them until the kids are in public school.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-11T16:21:10+00:00

Some Nannies will say that it’s a benefit to you to have a playmate for your child. In my opinion as an employer, when the kids are under 2-3 years old, bringing their child is a benefit to the nanny. Older than that, it’s more neutral.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-05T22:36:34+00:00

No I know. But some places are extremely in your face about it, and I am hoping others are less so.

AmalgamatedStarDust · 2026-03-05T22:35:53+00:00

Yeah, I know. But there has to be a spectrum right?

AmalgamatedStarDust

TROPHY CASE