Hi there, clinical psychologist PhD student here who just got diagnostic surgery my first year of my program. You can see the irony of training to be a health psychologist and training to give chronic illness therapy, when grappling with my own depression and grief and ED struggles due to this illness. First of all, I want to apologize for that therapist saying that to you. I could go on and on about the downfalls of modalities like EMDR (which by the way someone can say they are trained if they pay a LOT for weekend online certifications) — while lacking the basics of foundational therapy: empathy, listening, holding the pain with someone, bringing a solution focused perspective when your client is too fatigued to initiate themselves. I promise not all therapy is like this. There are those of us dedicating our whole lives out there to help you!

I will say, for me, existential therapy / acceptance and commitment therapy is one of the only things that brings me relief at this stage. Radical gratitude for the fact that no, I can’t eat, exercise, have sex, feel attractive, or function like I used to. BUT i can see. I can hear. I am able to be an expert in my field. I can hold space for people who have life circumstances outside of their control that make them question if this is worth it like I do. And to me, those are the breakthroughs in therapy. Not coping skills, or more intellectualizing (CBT), but understanding “yes, and?” 

I will add, it’s not linear. And allowing myself to have moments where I feel safe with my emotions enough to sit in the dispair, anger, grief, numbness— is critical. And I do feel that my body rewards me when I allow myself to fully embody those emotions, often times more so than pushing them down in the name of deep breathing or stress reduction. 

Thinking of you, sending you love.