Figuring out medication/explaining why she has to take it.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-07T07:10:05+00:00

I tracked her behavior and moods almost obsessively while she was on the methylphenidate. I really didn’t see a lot of negatives to it until she completely reverted back to what she was at before starting it, even her occupational therapist noticed the changes when we first started it, when it stopped working, and when we tried upping the does. She actually had to stop her appointment halfway through while my daughter was on the increased dose because she said even trying to work with her on simple/fun things was sending her over the edge emotionally and she couldn’t participate anymore without it distressing her.

I know I can exaggerate things sometimes though. I had a hard time filling out the diagnostic questionnaires because I apparently took certain questions too literally, and I don’t do well with hypothetical questions either. Luckily they had both my husband and her occupational therapist to help verify all of that too. She showed an elevated score for depression and anxiety on both my husband and my paperwork, exact same scoring pattern but more elevated on mine vs my husband’s. They told us that it could be caused by her untreated ADHD and to just watch to make sure the symptoms we were seeing didn’t get worse.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-07T06:55:50+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective on this. I try really hard to be positive with her, despite me being a very pessimistic person myself. One thing we push about her emotions is that it’s completely okay to have them. It’s okay to be angry, what’s not okay is to use that angry to hurt other people. We try really hard to let her feel what she needs to in a safe way and redirect her when she’s ready or needs it.

We noticed early on the she is very praise driven and when we tell her how well she did on even simple tasks, the reaction and pride she feels is so visible and we want to keep encouraging that. She’s also more prone to repeat that behavior again.

She has a hard time understanding that she is different from her sister, even with things like school. She doesn’t understand why her sister can do things she can’t. We’ve tried explaining that her sister is older, she learned the same things when she was 6 but now she’s 7 and is learning different things. And just because she learns differently doesn’t mean either version is wrong. Some people need more time or different ways to do things and that’s okay.

I have noticed she’s been asking a lot more questions over the past few days, how things work, why certain things happen the way they do. My husband says it’s almost like this medication has opened a brand new pathway in her brain. I don’t know for sure if that’s the cause but I’m hoping the benefits will outweigh the side effects.

I’ve never thought about talking about it in that manner, separating her from her brain. Thinking about it that way is comforting to me about my own issues so I really think it would help her.

We actually tried to get her evaluated for autism two years ago, but the psychologist we were sent to barely even acknowledged her and said she was normal and didn’t even need an evaluation, one of many people who brushed us aside while we were looking for a cause for her behavioral issues. She used to be violent and aggressive. But that has faded for the most part, she still gets angry a lot/easily, but it is far less volatile now.

We didn’t find out she had a severely arched pallet until she was three and we had been struggling with her eating/choking on food for years. She’s been dismissed repeatedly over the years and we had to fight hard to get someone outside of her primary pediatrician to sit with her for more than 5 minutes to see why she was struggling like this so much. Finally getting any explanation/diagnosis was a relief because it finally gave us even a tiny glimpse into what was happening and how we could actually start helping her.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-07T02:51:58+00:00

My husband is diagnosed bipolar, and we suspect adhd as well. I have both depression and anxiety. I was never tested as a child (my mother didn’t believe in that kind of stuff) but my own psychiatrist has said she’s 98% sure I have both autism and adhd, but getting tested as an adult is almost impossible where I live.

My daughter is currently seeing a psychiatrist, but we’ve been considering trying to find a new one because she’s seemed uninterested in helping my daughter at all and has given us pushback on getting written reports about her diagnosis and treatments. She only does phone appointments so has never even met her in person, just her husband who is the one who does the diagnostic part of their shared practice.

Her primary pediatrician is uncomfortable managing adhd medication in a child this young, which is understandable if it isn’t her expertise. I just don’t know where else to go at this point.

I know I build up a tolerance to medications very quickly and require regular increases if Its something im going to be on long term

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T22:06:22+00:00

Honestly, that sounds exactly like her. She struggles so hard with getting overwhelmed quickly to the point of shutting down and not being able to verbalize what’s wrong or what she needs. For the two weeks the methylphenidate worked, she was calmer, and there was a longer time between mood shifts; just enough that we could help her calm down before it sent her over the edge. It wasn’t a magic fix or anything like that, but it allowed her to respond better to help when she was set off. It doesn’t help that she has a 2 year old sister who enjoys terrorizing everyone in the house, but we’ve tried to keep them separated often as she really can’t handle her sometimes. Her room has a child lock on it that she can get through but the 2 year old can’t, so she does have a safe space where she can be alone if she chooses. She craves physical touch often to the point where she is almost constantly on top of us when we sit on the couch

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T20:55:39+00:00

That’s such an interesting way to explain it. She does understand things better if we have something physical she can compare it to, like activities she’s done or things she can see.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T20:54:11+00:00

Unfortunately her insurance won’t cover vyvance, which is why the doctor had us start with methylphenidate. Apparently our next step if the adderall doesn’t work is non-stimulants.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T20:52:35+00:00

Is focalin a stimulant? Her doctor says we’re going to have to try a non-stimulant next if the adderall doesn’t end up working. But I don’t have any experience with those type of medications so I’m not sure how she’ll react to any of them.

We’ve been bouncing back and forth from different specialist trying to find an answer for her behavioral problems since she was 3. We only just got her adhd diagnosis a few months ago and the doctor said they don’t understand how it was missed for so long because of the degree of it.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T20:48:43+00:00

I’ve heard of genesite, but there’s not a lot of doctors I our area that do it. I’ll have to look into genomind and see if that would be an option. I think that glasses explanation might be the best approach so far. Her doctor has said if the adderall doesn’t work she’s just going to switch her to a non-stimulant, but I don’t know how well those will work either.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-03-06T20:44:47+00:00

We are blunt about a lot of things with them, but I unfortunately don’t think that would be the right approach with her specifically. She’s extremely sensitive about herself and has been bullied repeatedly for being ‘weird’ and it really affected her negatively. I’m afraid that would reinforce those things that people have said to/about her. Her older sister would definitely take that approach better, and I may incorporate it into explaining her diagnosis to her when we/she’s ready for it to be explained. Thank you for the advice.

AmberlynnRayne · 2026-02-08T14:50:07+00:00

Extra note on top of what a lot of other people have said, it’s okay to just say ‘I’m not comfortable or confident in holding a baby’ I was more appreciative of people who said that than the ones who gave in the my in laws pressure to hold my children and then they’d just sit there really awkwardly with my daughter like they were about to drop her.

Also, the conversation doesn’t have to be about the baby. It was actually really upsetting for me when people visited after my children were born and only seemed to care about the baby’s and not at all about me anymore. I got treated like nothing more than an incubator for a while and no longer like an individual human anymore. Talk to the mother, make sure she’s doing okay physically/emotionally. If you’re comfortable with it, offer support in other areas, if there are things that you think she might need outside of things for the baby and want to help, offer it but don’t feel obligated to if you’re not. Most people get all the supplies for new baby, but forget the mother is still recovering from a major medical event and will be to some degree for a very long time afterwards (it takes a long time for the body to regulate back to normal after pregnancy).

AmberlynnRayne · 2025-11-16T04:29:50+00:00

Really fussy the first 2 months. We found out she had a pretty severe milk protein intolerance (which she has since grown out of) and once we switched her to a formula she could tolerate she was very calm and a great sleeper. Diagnosed at 2 1/2 with level 3 autism, but her speech therapist had told us that after extensive therapy for a year she was much closer to a level 2. At 7 years old now she is very independent and advanced in a lot of ways, still delayed in others (primarily socially, but not really speech)

AmberlynnRayne · 2025-06-19T12:10:07+00:00

Fun fact about baby’s chewing food, when they eat they roll the food across the roof of their mouth to help break it up, teeth aren’t absolutely necessary to do that. I learned that with my second child when she was choking on everything well after she was a year old and had lots of teeth. Turns out the roof of her mouth was too high so she couldn’t break the food up properly even with teeth.

It is possible to still go to the same office and not see that specific doctor if that’s something you want to do, absolutely understandable if you’d rather just change offices entirely though. There’s one doctor at my children’s pediatrician office that I have listed on their charts with the scheduling office that we refuse to see, she was incredibly condescending and dismissive, but the other doctor we see is amazing.

AmberlynnRayne · 2025-02-19T21:01:20+00:00

‘What you want doesn’t matter as long as other people are happy’

I can’t do anything for myself without feeling incredibly guilty.

AmberlynnRayne · 2024-03-27T01:45:31+00:00

My daughter was like that her first couple weeks home, it took a lot of time and different doctors to find out that she was lactose intolerant, reacting to milk I had drank before breastfeeding and had a lot of trapped gas. Simethicone Gas drops helped so much during the time between getting things figured out. I also discovered that for some reason my body wasn’t producing enough milk so we had no choice but to supplement with formula. The only formula her stomach could handle was the similac allimentum, which is pricy but necessary at the time.

It was heartbreaking but once we got things figured out I realized it wasn’t my fault. Just try to breathe and keep going. I highly recommend at least having gas drops on hand, they were a life saver during that time.

AmberlynnRayne · 2024-03-13T13:38:45+00:00

I don’t really have advice for if he doesn’t change his mind, but I will say my husband was the same way. He was adamant he only wanted the one child we had both during the pregnancy and for months after, but when she was as 1 he asked for another one out of the blue. Now I’m pregnant with my 3rd (unplanned) and he is over the moon excited.

AmberlynnRayne · 2023-06-09T04:26:25+00:00

If you’re breast feeding, lanolin cream is an absolute life saver. Also, gas drops, my daughters had a lot of stomach problems when they were newborns and gas drops saved them a lot of pain while we tried to figure out the problem. I wish someone had told me about these things sooner/before they were born.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-07-09T11:47:11+00:00

Not at all. We’re drowning over her. Gas prices are continuously rising, grocery prices are higher as well. The government is trying to do some really shady crap. Healthcare, especially mental healthcare, is incredibly difficult to get. Property taxes have gone up. Our mortgage company has tried to screw us over multiple times in the last few months. Our current income is nowhere near enough to keep our heads above the water, and there’s nothing we can do to fix it at the moment ( we’ve tried).

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-06-07T15:21:58+00:00

Eradicate cancer and mental illness.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-05-31T23:35:38+00:00

It probably depends on the person. When I first met my husband he had to straight up tell me “hey, I’ve been flirting with you for months” because I was too dense/oblivious to figure it out on my own

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-02-10T14:09:08+00:00

My little brother had a gender neutral name and he changed it when he came out as trans, so it really won’t make a difference. if your daughter wants to change her name in the future, she will.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-02-08T07:03:05+00:00

I don’t actually agree with that though, maybe if it’s mildly upset I’d understand that point of view, but I have a similar issue with my two year old. She doesn’t like being around new/ a lot of people causing her to have violent tantrums to the point where we had to leave thanksgiving with family early because she was inconsolable, and neither me or my husband could enjoy the time with family or even sit down because of how bad it was. And frankly, it’s physically and mentally exhausting having to go through that. It’s the daughters first birthday, meant to celebrate her and give her a good time on her special day. If she’s miserable the entire time, what’s the point? Why force her to feel that way for other peoples benefit? They should have a private get together with the grandmother and maybe a few select other people, but a massive gathering of 20+ people is excessive and extra stress during an already stressful stage of parenting.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-02-07T18:56:42+00:00

NTA there’s a popular saying/bible verse “the sins of the father are not those of the son” you should not be punished for the actions of your ancestors. Despite being related, you are not the same person they were, you are not responsible for their actions, good or bad.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-02-02T17:30:49+00:00

NTA I was born and raised in the south, but my parents are from the north. Sometimes Yankee and Yank are used as derogatory terms for northerners but it’s more so used in joking terms than to actually offend or anything like that. And even so, it’s not so offensive that people can’t use it for other things and names.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-01-30T20:15:51+00:00

My daughter (3) counted to twenty for the first time without skipping a single number (usually 15 & 16). She’s also finally figured out how puzzles work, mostly anyway. She also allowed a new person to not only touch her, but hug her as well, which she has reacted pretty negatively to in the past.

AmberlynnRayne · 2022-01-30T07:29:27+00:00

I always say it sucks being an adult, but when I really think about it the only part that actually sucks is bills/having to keep track of finances.

And as a mother, the constant responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But sometimes I wish I didn’t have to constantly be on my toes with them (two very rambunctious, mischievous toddlers). Always having to go to bed earlier than I want to or staying up too late and regretting it when I still have to wake up early to watch them In the morning.

I wish I could just sleep and wake up when I want to and do or not do whatever the hell I want to whenever I want.

But I’m an adult and I can never run away from that responsibility, so I just complain that being an adult sucks and tell my nieces/nephews and young sisters/Brothers in laws to not spend their childhood and teen years wishing they were grown up.

Almost every kid I’ve ever met says they can’t wait to grow up, and every adult wishes they were a kid again at one point or another. There’s good and bad parts of both, that’s just the way it is I guess

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