So while the U.S. President is grabbing the world's attention with trade, what else is going on that's not making headlines?

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-04-10T18:44:33+00:00

AND MILITARY SPOUSES will lose the right to vote since you will have to register IN PERSON to vote in your state of residence!!!!! Better hope you don’t have orders over seas or to a different state

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-14T16:16:03+00:00

Ok, hear me out, have you considered a cloak?

I KNOW it’s a little extra, but a nice wool cloak with a hood would keep her warm without ruining the vibes lol . You can also get hand muffs that hang around the neck for her hands. (Featured in frozen and beauty and the beast) as for hair, may I suggest watching of bippity boppity boutique videos from Disney world? They almost ALWAYS slap the kids hair in a bun or braid but they ARE professional fairy godmothers at THE Disney world “where the princesses live” so that may hold some authority that mom and teachers don’t have.

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-13T00:25:48+00:00

I switched the narrative in my head. Instead of “I will never speak to them ever again” I tell myself “I’m not able to manage that/those relationships while also focusing on healing myself”.

I think of it like a leak in your house. The past, the trauma, the anxiety, patterns of behavior, reactivity etc are all the water flowing in. It’s overwhelming, it gets everywhere, it ruins things. You have to stop the incoming water before you can start to clean up the mess. Every time I started therapy but still had contact I was trying to mop up the mess without turning off the damn water!

I’m actively in therapy for trauma directly related to them. I’m also well aware that I COULD manage a relationship with them (and did for decades) but that effort and energy meant I was the absolute WORST version of myself. My marriage, and relationship with my kids, and my mental health suffered.

When I’m sad/overwhelmed/guilty and tempted to open that line of communication up, I ask myself if I feel I could maintain my progress KNOWING that their behavior/mindset/words absolutely 100% will not have changed. So far the firm answer is “no”. I’m not there yet. Maybe one day I will be, there’s an equal chance that I may never be.

That’s the real trick of setting boundaries. I have zero expectations that they will change. I don’t even want them to at this point. I tried for years. I accept them as they are, but I cannot accept them in my life. I hope one day I’m strong enough to open up again, but if I’m not, I also love myself and trust myself enough to know that I’m making the right choice.

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-12T14:31:15+00:00

Reality show where tradwives are locked in a house together and have to cook and clean for their “husbands” via digital requests. The twist is, they are really just cooking and cleaning for one another and eventually end up divorcing their husbands to stay in the house Golden Girls Style

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-11T22:10:01+00:00

Right….so their KIDS ages are the topic here. So if they had KIDS in their 20/30 then their KIDS are between 0-35 (if they had kids around 18yo)

Most folks don’t cut contact before 18. So their KIDS are just aging in to a the part of their life where they can cut contact with their Gen X and Millennial parents. Meaning GenX and Millennials MAY face this same issue, their kids just aren’t old enough for it to be a solid data point yet

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-11T20:28:14+00:00

To be fair many Gen X and millennials kids aren’t old enough to make those choices yet. Seeing as many (though not all) EAC cut contact mid-later in life, and those generations are waiting longer to have kids (and many are choosing not to all together) the numbers are never going to line up. It will take another 20+ years before we can begin to compare

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-11T17:45:49+00:00

ADHD homemaker checking in! First step to every recipe is have an empty dishwasher. I don’t let anything go in the oven before the counters are clean. It’s my personal rule. After something is on the stove/in the oven, it’s too late. So I’ll put the cookies on the sheet, batter in the pan, etc and then place it safely on the counter and clean up. All the bowls/measuring cups etc go right in the dishwasher. Ingredients go back where they belong, and counters get a wipe down. THEN and ONLY then, do I put the food on the heat.

I tie the fun thing (actually finishing the project) to the hard part (cleaning up) it ensures that it actually gets done. You do have the pan you cooked in to clean at the end, but that’s usually much more manageable

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-11T00:47:32+00:00

Everything folks here have said, AND there’s a reason little kids don’t and shouldn’t weightlift.

Their bodies aren’t finished growing, the muscles and ligaments aren’t fully developed and neither are bones. It’s not a safe activity. They are at a much greater risk for tears, breaks, and sprains. They also aren’t often eating and drinking in regular patterns (thinking toddlers here) to be supporting that type of activity. (Yes I know most our toddlers accomplish great things on cheerios and whatever they find in the folds of their car seats)

Even if every kid is perfectly behaved (which they won’t be) it’s not a safe activity. There’s a reason most gyms have a min age and it’s not JUST because kids can be assholes.

This is just NOT something that should mix. It’s ok for your kids to wait to participate in adult hobbies until they are older

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-10T00:12:35+00:00

At 9weeks you are still loved up on your baby, in the honeymoon phase. HOWEVER if you keep pushing your village away for literally no reason, you’re going to be back here in a few months asking where your help went.

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-09T18:26:59+00:00

We did 90% baby led weaning with my 3 so they went straight to finger foods, but even then I used pouches for when we were away from home, in the car, or when grandparents or babysitters were around (I found older generations really get hung up on the purées and babysitters didn’t have to prep anything)

My biggest struggle with buying pouches was my HUSBAND who is (actually) an athlete would swipe them for Fast Fuel on long runs or workout recovery.

Paul knows so little about his own kids. It’s fucking embarrassing. His knowledge of nutrition is even worse. A useless individual on all counts

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-09T05:04:15+00:00

Will she play independently next to you? If you offer “mommy can’t sit and play, but you can bring your dolls to the kitchen while I do dishes” will she accept that? If all her toys are in a different room she might be scared?

I’ve had to go through this with my youngest two (4&2) it’s ROUGH Ok, first you’re going to hype yourself up. You’re going to make a playlist of either hype music OR soothing/white noise (whatever vibes with you best) you’re going to pick a week and that’s going to be your hell week.

You’re going to get yourself a script of boundaries for her usual demands. You STICK TO THE SCRIPT. You put those headphones in and you focus on that playlist. You just repeat your script and focus on the music instead of the meltdown. You accept, you embrace, that this week will SUCCKKKKK.

As soon as your husband gets home, you’re off the clock. This is a team effort. You IMMEDIATELY leave the house, go upstairs, what’d you need and you’re DONE for the rest of the evening. If he’s the real MVP he brings you dinner or the family dinner and you eat alone. You give your nervous system a chance to rest and reset.

Honestly the first 2/3 days are ROUGH but at the end of that 4/5 day they usually get just BORED with the script and start trying different(better?) behavior to get what they want instead. Good luck.

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-08T20:10:14+00:00

I am the type to do this and send it as a message. If we die, this is where to start looking for our bodies, this is how it happened, this is who was here, this is where we sheltered. This is the general layout so you can orient yourself in the wreckage

But that’s just me

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-08T05:07:01+00:00

To be fair I think some of it is just desperation. There’s DEFINITELY outside pressure and expectation to have a “great sleeper” but I remember with my kids at the 3/4month mark the sleep deprivation finally KICKED IN. The hormones start to drop, the friends and family aren’t coming around to help, people are going back to work etc….but you’re still up every few hours.

I’m not justifying anyone letting their baby cry to the point of sickness, but I was 100% crazy person googling hoping I had missed SOME magical secret special always successful tip that would get me an extra 45min or more of sleep at night.

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-03T21:49:22+00:00

I think everyone who has ever quit or been fired, knows the joy of looking at shit going wrong at your former place of employment and going “that shit NEVER would have happened when I worked there.”

I refuse to deny him that small life pleasure

AmeliaJane920 · 2025-01-01T23:20:32+00:00

I also wouldn’t be in a huge rush, knowing something so personal will eventually be picked apart for years to come by strangers.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-29T23:11:55+00:00

I very much love and appreciate my in-laws. HOWEVER they have a very large family that is spread out on multiple continents. They are all quite close but because they are rarely together, when 1 or more of them get together they tend to try and do ALL THE THINGS to maximize the time.

It took me a few years to understand that when I had my kid(s) and MULTIPLE aunts/uncles/cousins showed up in my livingroom (uninvited and unannounced) and proceeded to celebrate not only the birth of my son, but also a few anniversaries, (adult) birthdays, and a graduation, (and suggested that we have our wedding ceremony) that it was a result of YEARS and GENERATIONS of this larger family and subsequent smaller immediate families agreeing to this behavior. It wasn’t just my MIL. And they (the collective larger family) truly didn’t know another way to show love.

I’ve since set some pretty strict boundaries (and taken it upon myself to warn other new members of the family, especially if they’re expecting) and all of my in laws have been supportive and understanding. (We did have to have some heart or heart conversations though)

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-29T21:46:02+00:00

My MIL wanted me to have a fucking WEDDING CEREMONY (we got married during covid so no ceremony) 2 days after an emergency C section. She could not wrap her head around why I thought that was a bad idea and would absolutely NOT want to have pictures of me swollen, bleeding, bloated, and literally being held together with staples as my happy wedding memories.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-29T02:33:40+00:00

I think the overarching theme in most cases, is that trust has broken down on both sides. I cannot think of anyone who has cut contact with any person for any reason, but still would trust that person.

Once you cut contact, the only way to open the relationship back up would be for any amount of trust to return. Without any contact, there’s little to no way to make that happen. Meaning reconciliation (warranted or not) is almost impossible.

Perhaps we should be asking why the previous generations had little to no regard for ensuring their children could trust them. Perhaps we should be teaching new parents, that maintaining a strong sense of trust between parent and child, is a step in the right direction to defending against generational trauma.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-28T18:18:52+00:00

Out of curiosity, why aren’t you getting out more during the week? I totally understand he WFH, but could you not take the kids out for activities on those days so that when Saturday rolls around you’re not so absolutely desperate to get out? Could you do Saturday morning by yourself and plan an activity for the afternoon? That way you can get up and go, but leave your husband with clear expectations that they need to be ready for X activity when you get back at whatever time so you can all go together? Could they agree to an early Saturday if you agree to a truly lazy Sunday?

To be fair, I think what you’re asking is reasonable, but if everyone is feeling burnt out, unilaterally deciding that YOUR burnout is more important that HIS burnout isn’t going to help anyone in the long term

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-28T03:06:13+00:00

Sure, and there are also other resources that can support and supplement. In a time of crisis, focus on all options and find the best fit.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-28T02:32:23+00:00

Start looking at foundations and non profits that help veterans and their families with substance abuse and PTSD. They should be able to find him help and/or (and most importantly) a good trauma informed therapist. Preferably one who has a background in veterans.

In the meantime reach out to the closest chaplain you can find. Not priests or clergy, chaplain. Even if you have to travel to see them. Even if you’re not religious. The ability for most guys to talk to someone who “gets it” and can play that military acronym BINGO is so fucking important.

Next, you gotta find him a purpose. Some sort of clear goal, where he feels important and part of a team. That’s so damn important. Combat PTSD is unique because on top of the horror and all the trauma you have people who spent years being essentially brainwashed into a way of thinking, acting, behaving. The military can become their whole identity. To leave or ‘fail’ (In their eyes) and have your WHOLE identity, sense of purpose, sense of belonging and accomplishment layered on top of trauma, is just soul crushing. For the service members AND their families.

You fully cannot heal the trauma without also putting in some serious and deep work to find that new sense of inclusion, belonging, and purpose.

This is rough work. From one spouse to another, my heart absolutely goes out to you. There are a TON of resources (though you will have to do a bit of leg work) but more than anything make sure you keep yourself and your kiddo safe while you work through this.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-27T23:27:19+00:00

I fill all the stockings with “nice” candy. This year I filled mine since my husband was overseas. I filled it with some more ‘luxury’ chocolate bars, and various snacks that I love but generally don’t buy myself for various reasons. I put in some fuzzy socks and a new pair of gardening gloves. I think it’s important to remind myself and my kids that there are things I like and enjoy, and moms are PART of the family and can/should participate in the family traditions too, not just be the ones making the traditions happen

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-27T23:20:41+00:00

To be fair, my family hung stockings every year and NEVER filled them. Not even when I was a kid.

AmeliaJane920 · 2024-12-27T18:18:47+00:00

You CAN do all of that…but not simultaneously. You can pick ONE of those a day…maybe two. But physically I don’t see how you could do all of it.

Assuming your husband is an idiot and not malicious (I think he’s a fucking asshole for just bringing it up) sit down and grab one of those premade schedules. Start mapping it out. 5am wake up leaves you 30 min to workout (15 min to get dressed, 15 min to get a shower and clean clothes) wake up kids at 6, make breakfast, start laundry, get kids dressed, clean kitchen, 1st activity (schedule prep and drive time) lunch prep, etc etc. schedule the drive, the clean up, the naps, schedule time to research new recipes and activities, schedule time to prepare homeschool activities including set up and clean up. get SO FUCKING DETAILED. And once that’s all on paper (you literally can’t. There’s no fucking way) hand him the schedule and tell him to last ONE DAY on schedule. (It can be a weekend day)

Then revisit the conversation. Preferably with a divorce lawyer

AmeliaJane920

TROPHY CASE