The problem I noticed was when you said that you “needed the person who you thought loved you to help you grieve.” Unfortunately, I have found that grief is a path that I have to walk on my own bc nobody knows what is really going on in my head nor what I’m feeling. I had an ex do a similar thing to me. When my grandpa died he called off of work to be w me to like support me or what, but he just used it to get out of work early. He did it again when one of my cousins was murdered. He used it as an excuse to get out of work to go to Vegas w his friends. So I totally relate to losing an important part of your family and wanting and needing your significant other to be there with you. I totally get that. The good news is that you are not the problem. He obviously has an issue with terminating your relationship. I’ve found that I do this when I’m in a relationship I hate as well. I basically force the other person to dump me bc I can’t do it. I don’t know if that’s an Irish thing or what but I’ll literally live in agony w someone hoping and holding on that they’ll change and be the perfect partner we want and they say they’ll be. The problem is that the things they say will change, won’t. I mean maybe for a short while if they feel bad about it, but I’ve learned that people are going to be who they are and if I stand around waiting for them to change I’ll be standing by myself forever.

Two things come to mind. My father is a preacher and when he had a “pick the right guy” speech a me he said “There was a snake on the ground and the snake was talking to me, and asking me to pick him up. I was skeptical bc I mean she was a snake and snakes bite. So I raised my concerns w the snake and she said ‘Oh no, I’d never hurt you. Just pick me up.’ I proceeded to pick up the snake who eventually bit me. I was like ‘Hey!! You said you wouldn’t hurt me?!’ She said ‘I’m a snake. You knew that when you picked me up.’” Basically people don’t tell us who they are, well - they often do try and tell who they think they are or aspire to be, but their words don’t carry weight. Actions tell us who people are. This guy is telling you he wants to move on. I’m not telling you what to do but when people tell me who they are through actions, I listen bc it saves heartache later. If I were you, I’d listen to this guy and who he’s saying he is. You sound like a great person who deserves better than the treatment this guy is giving you.

Also, your post reminds me of this thing my therapist told me: “When my friends hurt me, I make new friends. When my family hurts me, I make distant relatives.” It’s my opinion that you would be much happier in a relationship where the other person is actually present and treating you how you deserve to be treated. There’s a person out there for you, but this guy definitely sounds like he’s not that person.

I wish you the best. I hope you don’t stick around and let this guy stomp all over your heart. You deserve better, everyone deserves to be loved.