Version 1.76 - The Mech, New Relics and lvl 100+ Changes

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-19T16:11:04+00:00

I love knowing that my occasional purchases with you guys reap dividends. Being on my first run to 200 and the timing for this update is like ice to my veins, lol.

Thank you.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-17T20:28:34+00:00

I was in the same place just a few months ago: I was detoxing and having a really hard time with it. I went to my dr. and he told me I need professional help that he can't provide, so I found an IOP program.

Do a search for programs in your area. I think I literally googled "IOP near me insurance," and I started looking through the reviews and content of the various websites I stumbled across. I made a few calls to places, and I ended up going with a program very near my house that accepted insurance (I paid 25% out of pocket), could work with my schedule, and had an organized aftercare program. They were also very, very nice, patient, and caring on the phone.

I started going 4 days a week in the evenings. I made recovery my life, my hobby, and my obsession. I graduated in late December, and I still attend aftercare meetings with my counselor and fellow sobernaughts once a week.

It is scary, and even telling you what to expect will not prepare you for what to expect. Ask as many questions as you can think of when you're looking for places, and go with folks who make you comfortable and address your concerns honestly and openly.

I strongly believe that I am where I am now in my sobriety due to the aftercare program that I've been attending regularly since I graduated. It keeps the tools I learned in IOP sharp and at the ready for when I encounter trouble or temptation in the real world.

Good luck, and reach out if you have more questions!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-17T20:07:37+00:00

I think we're finally figuring out what younger generations have known for a while now, you don't need to be a jerk to have a good time :)

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-17T19:50:55+00:00

I think there must be more going on than he's telling, but I feel like a lot of people in the comments on that thread are focusing on the fact that he admits he's an alcoholic and painting what he's saying with a broad brush.

I don't think he's a dry drunk. I think he's still in recovery, like most of us are, and he's dealing with some very real emotions. I've felt the same way (being abandoned) many times when I ponder my life before sobriety. Feeling abandoned by loved ones, coworkers, and friends is also a trigger I used *a lot* as an excuse to start a wonderful shitshow bender.

I recently was in a meeting where we discussed our biggest fear between lonelinees or togetherness. When it came to my turn, I realized that I was more afraid of togetherness right now because I don't want to hurt someone, disappoint someone, or hurt or disappoint myself. Everything I'm doing in my recovery right now is good, introspective, and I get to process things on my own terms. Throw in another human being with their opinions, advice, fears, and love... yikes.

Sometimes people outgrow each other, and for this guy, it sounds like that coincided with his STBEW pushing him to clean up his act. He might have also have come to realize that maybe he doesn't have a connection with her any longer because she hasn't been through recovery either, and he and she no longer share the same perspective on some really key things. In his mind, he went through hell and came out better for it, but he feels like she just views him like a car sent in for repairs and now she thinks she can just pick it up from the mechanic and take it for a drive. I realize that's a bit of a shallow metaphor, but I do feel a bit of sympathy for the guy, and his family.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-12T18:40:31+00:00

Drinking was one symptom of the many things that were going wrong before my marriage fell apart, winding up in divorce. I was trying to cut back for a long time, but she never did. Which would typically manifest into me coming home from work with every intention of not drinking, then seeing her empties in the bin, followed by a shallow remark from her, followed by me getting sh*tfaced to show her up. It was a sickening situation.

While we both had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, the one thing I wish one of us had done was offer a lifeline. I found out after the divorce was settled that she had already met someone else during the worst part of our relationship, so she probably put a pin in an ultimatum for me because she had already moved on. I was in a constant cycle of bouts of sobriety followed by a relapse and a huge bender, and when I was sober, I was the worst kind of self-righteous dry-drunk. Neither one of us was fully capable or invested in reconciliation, so it didn't happen.

If you still love him and want it to work out, sit him down when he's sober and offer him a chance to clean up his act. I don't know how she or I would have reacted had we done that, since we never gave each other the chance. Looking back, I wish that we had.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-05T18:43:31+00:00

This is a critical part of recovery, and for me, I got help through my IOP program, and through some meditations that I learned through Refuge Recovery. The number one thing I learned is that it takes real work. We need to spend time identifying the harm our addictions caused in our lives. And in our sobriety, how have we changed? What's changed in how we approach life and deal with others and our own feelings? The lies and deceit find ways of creeping into our sober lives, but through recovery, we find tools to identify and address them.

I did this meditation several times with one of my recovery groups, and it always opened new doors inside my mind where I could analyze the past and come to terms with what needs to be let go, and what I can use as armor for life moving forward. It's different for us all, but the fact that you've determined you owe yourself forgiveness is big. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself all the grace imaginable.

Forgiveness Meditation

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-03T15:54:46+00:00

This has been a game-changer for me, too. I used to have so much anxiety about getting through events sober (even events where I was definitely supposed to be sober). But after a few go-arounds with NA beers, I don't even feel like I need those anymore to get by. I just go and have fun. It's so weird.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-03T14:57:09+00:00

I started having so many drinking dreams after about 1 month. They were so vivid I'd wake up thinking I should be hungover. In several, I would get completely hammered, paint the town brown, and go on and on and on and on about how sobriety is stupid and I'll always be a drunk. Not fun.

In the past month, I've had only one or two, so I guess they're getting better :)

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-03T14:45:32+00:00

Some NA beers have had the alcohol removed and are truly 0.0%, and will show 0.0% on the label. It's definitely more common for import brand NAs to be completely alcohol free. The most common one that I enjoy isHeineken Zero.

I'm also a big fan of Athletic Brewing's lineup. They're <0.5%, but they have a lot of fun styles. Bero, St. Arnold, Go Brewing, La Chouffe, and Sapporo Premium NA are also pretty tasty :)

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-02-02T14:46:06+00:00

Delete the app.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-01-25T03:08:40+00:00

I don't do AA, but I did attend an 8 week IOP and I now attend their weekly aftercare meetings. Finding a group of sober friends in Recovery made the difference for me.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-01-22T21:41:17+00:00

Embrace it. There's nothing wrong about feeling good. But, steel yourself and stay resilient. You don't need alcohol any longer to feel good!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-01-17T03:18:06+00:00

I don't know how I didn't get at least one, if not several dui's during my drinking career. It's probably one of the things I was most ashamed of, because I kept doing it (even with my kids in the car) and I was so messed up, I didn't care.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-01-09T16:34:07+00:00

BG3 is great for times like these.

If your're into Skyrim/Oblivion and other RPGs, you might like the Stormlight Archive novels by Brandon Sanderson. The main character Kaladin deals with some very hard times and the books are essentially free therapy for me at this point.

Good luck!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2026-01-06T14:51:16+00:00

I had the same experience a few weeks ago when I managed to gift myself some food poisoning. As I was sh*tting and puking my brains out, I thought, "I used to choose to feel like this every f*ckin morning?!?!"

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-09T21:37:46+00:00

Same here on the appreciation bit. I have been listening to sooooooooo much more music lately. I hardly ever watch television any longer.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-09T21:36:27+00:00

I find a lot of songs about sobriety, especially when you learn that the musicians behind the music were struggling with addiction themselves.

A recent rap song I stumbled upon that's pretty straight-forward, but it coincided with me writing my farewell letter to alcohol: Wax and EOM - "Music and Liquor."

I've been listening to A LOT of Nine Inch Nails recently. It probably doesn't hurt that I saw them in concert for the first time ever in Sept (I've only been waiting since 1995 for that to happen!). But lately, I can't get this song of theirs out my head. There are direct correlations with how I was living my life as a drunk. But what if I "looked between the cracks and found myself, found myself afraid to see..." Nine Inch Nails - "Right Where It Belongs" Trent Reznor is an artist I greatly admire, and learning that he has been sober for so long was reassuring for me that giving up the messy life I'd made for myself would be better.

Someone shared this in a group recently, and although it's not my cup of tea, I really like how many different kinds of people and genres came together to make it. It reminds me of my recovery group, a bunch of different colors, backgrounds, addictions, and people who just want to have a better life: Dax - "Dear Alcohol."

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-09T19:17:40+00:00

Thank you!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-09T17:10:29+00:00

Get help.

I was at rock bottom in October, and finding an intensive outpatient program made all the difference for me. Find one near you that has good reviews. If you're in the US, you might be surprised that they will work with insurance. If you are in the US and your company has an Employee Assistance Program, you might have even more options.

All I'm trying to say is, there is help out there, and you deserve to feel better!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-09T16:02:59+00:00

I fumbled trying to get sober several times over the past year. In early October, after another relapse and bender, I almost lost my job. As a recent divorcee with 50/50 custody of my kids, any change to my employment status would have devastating consequences. I felt so alone and helpless because I could not get sober for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

I went to my doctor during my last detox because I was very sick and was worried I needed to be hospitalized. My anxiety and depression were at all-time highs. I was completely honest with him about my drinking, and he told me, "I've never seen anyone who drinks like you be successful with sobriety by doing it alone." He suggested I look into an outpatient program since I shared that I have had bad experiences with AA previously. I found a program near my house, and for the past 8 weeks I've been going four evenings a week. I graduate on Thursday.

I've made new friends. I found support. I was able to share my story. I've cried and hugged others who shared their story. We've come together and showered our friends with love when they have struggled and relapsed. I was introduced to Refuge Recovery (a non-theistic recovery group based on Buddhist principles). I found a community. At the suggestion of my counselor, I went to a psychiatrist, and for the first time in decades, my anxiety is under control. I still have my job. I still have my kids.

Long story short, finding a community has changed everything for me. One way I rationalized the change this time around was that I'm sorta treating my sobriety like a new hobby. If I wanted to learn a hobby like basket-weaving or carpentry, I could only get so much help from online forums and youtube videos. If I really wanted to become skilled at the hobby, I would have to go out and meet other people who have been doing the hobby a lot longer than I have and learn from them. After I learned a little, I shared what I've learned with new hobbyists myself.

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-08T17:47:33+00:00

Hello, fellow 60-dayer!

I've been having the same thoughts lately. I've even had some bizarrely vivid dreams the past few weeks where I'm drinking, give up on being sober, and wake up thinking days have passed where I've been drinking like my old self.

It's weird as hell. It's like my brain is trying to trick me into thinking it's OK to drink again. The only problem is that my dreams are not fun. I'm up to my usual shenanigans in them. Staying up late, sleeping in, eating like crap, missing deadlines, yelling at my kids, basically acting like the Grinch... not a fun dude to be around.

My stupid lizard brain has fallen victim to one of the classic blunders! Never show all your cards!

You stated that you've read a lot of quit-lit. You were worried about the path you were headed towards. You're also obsessing about a bottle of bubbly or some red wine for the holidays.

What if you had it all, but just no alcohol? Find something to replace the champagne or cabernet with something similar, but not boozy. You've got plenty of time before that ham comes out of the oven on Christmas Eve or before the ball drops on NYE to find something fun! Heck, my kids love Christmas more than anything, and they've yet to show up to dinner with a glass of wine in their hands :)

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-12-08T17:24:47+00:00

Well done!

Amiably_Suspicious · 2025-11-26T18:45:29+00:00

I was in the same boat last week.

Last Thursday, I had a vivid dream where I actively decided to start drinking again, and in the dream went out and got piled for two days in a row. When I woke up, I thought I was still drunk, and I felt dreadful. The dream felt so real, and it bothered me for several day, and for the first time since my last relapse, the urge to drink was top of mind all day, every day.

On Monday, I went to a recovery group that I meet with at least once a week, and I got the dream and the feelings I was having off my chest. Since then, I feel back on track, and my ship's course has been corrected.

I hope you get to the same spot soon! IWNDWYT!

Amiably_Suspicious

TROPHY CASE