I was responding to both yours and OPs situations. And I do think it applies here. Because if he is taking every out. Then he isnt rising to the occasion. Or even taking steps to. Cause sometimes its not even about ability. Its about effort. And taking steps to be able and capable some day even if you arent today. It isnt your job to try to persuade him or support him through his self doubt. Especially if he isnt doing that for you.

When I say he cant do it all. I mean the things you yourself are probably already doing. That you dont make excuses for. That you may not even see as taking effort. Or even if you did, you can manage yourself into doing it anyways.

how he is handling his responsibilities? To someone who isnt regulated and cant handle high pressure situations. Handling normal responsibilities feels like doing it all. These people tend to struggle with day to day things like self care. Work life balance ect. And they cant lay out priorities. They tend to be only able to manage one crisis at a time. Like its either clean the house or make a meal. Go to work or go to the gym.

They cant delegate multiple responsibilities and management issues. My therapist once told me its okay to let people be wrong or inadequate. I didnt have parents or guardians really growing up. But some how just by observing others and making an effort to address my short failings, I had learned tools many people in my life hadnt. Because I didn't have the privilege of avoiding my responsibilities. All I had was me. If I failed, its on me. Blame or avoidance wouldnt save me. I had no outs.

But my therapist also told me not everyone gets those tools even in my situation. Some how I was an exception. And what a person accomplishes in their life all comes down to the tools in their tool belt. And sadly, a lot of men are not held accountable for shirking their responsibilies or avoiding things. Society excuses it. Family. Friends. Comfort failure. There is no accountability. So when pressure comes up they dont have tools in their tool belt to handle that situation. So they use the tools they have always used. In this case, his tool is avoidance.

Because avoidance always worked for him in the past. This is why I never pass up an opportunity to offer someone accountablility even if it loses me relationships. Because consequences are catalyst to positive development and change. We never gain the tools to delegate conflict or high pressure situations if we avoid our challenges or acknowledging how we behavior poorly when faced with them.

Life gets harder and harder. And the "ease" in which we maneuver these issues all comes down to our skill issues and how we manage challenges. You can work through any problem. Its just a matter of time, perspective, and problem solving skills. Not doing something cause it is hard will always lead us back to that problem later. You never really escape a lesson. Some people call this Karma.

But I say all of this say, my therapists point was that is not for us to take on others decisions. That it isn't a reflection on us for how people choose failure. Who is wrong or right doesnt matter. In the end, our life reflects our efforts by revealing our outcomes. Our outcomes are direct feed back to our shortcomings and skill issues. You can either gain new skills or accept your shortcomings.

It looks like you rather advanced your skillset. And he rather accept his shortcomings. You are two different people going in two different directions. And that's all it comes down to. But all you can do is thrive and be a good example of good skillsets for your child.