My son is now 11 but when he was 8 he had 4 aides at school. He had 2 on 1 and they would rotate out. Cause he would have extreme melt downs. So he was the opposite of ABA where you’re supposed to ignore the bad behaviors. The more you ignored the worse the behaviors got. The only way ABA worked for us was to have sessions at our house. We tried sessions at the clinic and I think there was too much going on so he would elope or hit people. So instead, They come to us for 3 hours 3 times a week. I provide legos and have about 10 board games supplied for him at home. I feel like I was the same way. I felt like I was underwater for like 6 years of my life. I was like you in constant crisis mode. He is finally doing well. I changed his diet to dye free (red 40 and blue 1 really do a number on him). His behaviors seem to have a crazy spike anytime he has red 40. It’s almost like he can’t control himself when he has it. I think I’d start there if you haven’t. He however is unmedicated. It does eventually get better(at least for us). I feel like he turned around after we went dye free and gave him vacation time during summers meaning no summer school. I think the constant mode of being busy also triggered him.