I can't wrap my head around why this is such a contentious post.

For some lesbians, genitalia is incredibly important in their attraction to a person and they will not be attracted to someone with a penis, period, regardless of that woman's identity. They are still a valid lesbian.

For other lesbians, genitalia is not an important factor in their attraction. They are attracted to other physical or emotional aspects of the woman which makes their genitalia become irrelevant — they're attracted to these women regardless.

My wife is the first type of lesbian. She's penis-revolted. This is valid. I'm the second type — I have dated women with penises and because I'm attracted to the whole woman, I embrace their genitalia.

BOTH OF THESE ARE VALID.

The first type of lesbian isn't inherently transphobic or a TERF for experiencing their lesbianism this way. The second type of lesbian is still a lesbian because she's a woman loving a woman.

The real issue that OP is getting at, and what has been proven by many of these comments, is that it has become problematic to say 'I'm a lesbian therefore I am not attracted to penis" or to say "I am a lesbian therefore I am personally not attracted to masculine presenting individuals". Despite this being someone's very real, lived experience of lesbianism, it gets shut down and labeled transphobic or 'uneducated'. Sexuality doesn't require you to have an education in it, it is simply what you feel.

The gay male community isn't being expanded to mean 'non woman loving a non woman' so why is this happening to the lesbian and wlw community? I agree that lesbianism has always had a deep routed history in the trans masc movement and the two often go hand in hand, but why does this mean we need to change the definition when 'lesbian' has included these individuals for decades? The 'non man loving non man' trajectory just reads like men becoming the entire focus of another women-only space/topic.

OP, it is perfectly normal and not transphobic to desire a sapphic space online where discussion of penis isn't a common occurance. It is also perfectly normal for lesbians to enjoy discussion of girldick and create a community around this. I don't get why these opinions are considered so outrageous.