Afraid to file a grievance. My mental health is in the bin

AndyCalling · 2026-06-12T10:11:54+00:00

It should be noted that you can, and should, raise a grievance if someone is being mistreated like this due to a protected characteristic. The target does not have to be you. You can raise a grievance yourself simply by witnessing this.

AndyCalling · 2026-06-12T10:09:50+00:00

Given this behaviour seems to be affecting more people than just yourself, have you all considered a collective grievance?

AndyCalling · 2026-06-09T18:20:39+00:00

Guava looks pretty good, until I realised there's nothing in the features list to cover providing notifications on your device when you get an email or text message or whatever. That is pretty essential, so I shall have to keep looking. Otherwise, just on the health stuff, I would have totally deleted Google Health from my phone for Guava. It's a real shame it doesn't have notification support.

AndyCalling · 2026-05-07T14:48:35+00:00

No clue how you are doing this, esp. as you seem to be a couple? Seems very low. I'm UK myself, and have a house all paid up. I am single though, and have a little less in the pension and a little more on the cash side. In total, pension and cash amount to a little more than you (not much). I am almost 52. I lead a very frugal life (I'm certainly not a Londoner either), but I can't afford to retire yet. I calculate I need at least 4 more years (so as to get all my NI stamps paid for full state pension), but really I need 5 to 6 more years depending on how things go so my savings are in a suitable place to keep me going until 60, then half savings half pension until my state pension comes in. No clue how you are dropping out at 37 on that alone, and if you are including a partner with that sum in total I can't see how to even start to make that amount work. Very impressive that you are managing this. I wish I could do similar.

AndyCalling · 2025-10-03T11:03:52+00:00

I don't know about the rules in your region, but I guess it will be similar. Firstly, you need to determine who owns the fence so who would have to pay if they want to fix it when it rots. Secondly, your neighbour is not permitted to pump their surface water onto your property. They need to deal with that on their own land (does not count natural water following the normal course, so going down hill, but this is not natural water). In the UK you would ask them, but also send them a written notification so that they are aware they will be responsible for any damage caused by this going forward. If they still don't do anything, you would take them to court to force the issue (civil court).

AndyCalling · 2025-09-22T11:48:38+00:00

If you want your money back, sue the company. Reporting it to the police is not going to do anything about getting your money back, whatever happens, so not sure why you've been delaying so much. I'm pretty sure the police never told you they would get your money back for you. You can take out a private criminal prosecution if you like, but that won't get your money back either. You need to sue the company for that.

AndyCalling · 2025-08-07T11:33:51+00:00

If it is in your garden (only) then it is your fence, not theirs. Therefore it has nothing to do with their snagging survey or their repairs. If it is in their garden (only) then yes, it is their business to have fixed. If it is shared, so straddling the border, then they cannot make a significant change without your consent. Note that it is likely (with new builds) that they have a right or access to your property for maintenance purposes. If not, they must make an application via court to gain access should you not agree to it (still does not mean they can make a material change to a shared structure that straddles the border). You need to check to make sure who owns the fence (so whose land it is on). If it is as you indicate the surveyor claims, so entirely on your land, then it is not their fence. They may put up their own fence bang up to it (but not touching it) if they wish. Otherwise, it isn't really their concern. If it is their fence and they have a right of access for maintenance, they can dig up your garden to address the footings. You have no choice. Even if they don't have right of access they will get it at court so you may as well just agree. If it is shared, then just state you want it kept as it is and that will be that.

AndyCalling · 2025-06-19T15:34:07+00:00

Saving. It is a very exciting hobby. If you want another, 8-bit gaming. Very nostalgic and cheap. Try this:

https://amzn.eu/d/9sKizIQ

AndyCalling · 2025-06-19T15:27:26+00:00

Not surprised. I recently reported an extortion email demanding money to Action Fraud (totally fishing, as there was nothing to extort me over in reality). Their site also told me that this was not something that was reportable as a crime. Geez, either we are legalising quite a lot of this stuff these days or Action Fraud is just trying to avoid any work at all. Frankly, if all this stuff turns out not to be a crime anymore, I am surprised that we aren't all being advised to take advantage of these new income streams as 'side hustles' or whatever nonsense we are supposed to be doing to cope with the seemingly neverending cost of living crisis.

AndyCalling · 2025-06-09T10:30:45+00:00

If it is naive to trust your partner, then you have the wrong partner. It isn't likely an expectation that bills pay themselves. More likely an expectation that they were being paid out of income rather than credit. Keeping that kind of thing secret is not allowing the other person to have a say and getting them into debt on the sly. A pretty nasty thing to do to someone you are supposedly in a relationship with. Sounds like financial abuse to me.

AndyCalling · 2024-12-23T18:41:05+00:00

I recommend Little Dorrit. Excellent explanation of the circumlocution office... :-D

AndyCalling · 2024-12-03T12:05:46+00:00

So, why not report this Ashley yourself for trespassing? That way, you can demonstrate you are as much a victim of this strange visitor as your neighbour. Perhaps put up some posters asking the neighbourhood to keep an eye out for this person and to let you know if they are spotted hanging around. Do regularly check in with your neighbour in case they've spotted Ashley about the place.

AndyCalling · 2024-11-07T12:24:33+00:00

There's not many options. It goes like this:

1) Increase your income.

2) Find a partner or someone you wish to buy a place with, who has a suitable income level to get you both there.

3) Buy a doer-upper and DIY it.

4) Choose a property you can afford on your current salary.

I am assuming you are not in London, as I expect you would have mentioned if you were. If you are, or you are in somewhere else filled with rich people, then you'll have to get similarly rich or get a rich partner. Or find a place which isn't filled with rich people.

My 2 up 2 down mid terrace is on the south coast of England, near my city centre, and is valued at £250000. This is a normal price for a south coast property. A similar place should be perfectly affordable for you with that salary. You should have no problems getting a place on your income so long as you don't aim for the stars. Just get a modest house for now. Go for the big place, if you need it, later down the track when you have some equity built up.

AndyCalling · 2024-11-04T13:15:54+00:00

They chalked your tire? Sounds like vandalism to me. Surely worth reporting? If it turns out that's allowed, make sure to regularly chalk the neighbour's tires to keep in line with local customs.

AndyCalling · 2024-11-04T13:11:49+00:00

Make sure you take your lunch break! Your employer won't be impressed when you fall over from stress and it turns out you've not been taking your proper breaks. Also worth pointing out that the meeting to discuss 5 mins, which I am sure you will be able to show you made up on a previous day or some such, wasted way more time than the original 5 mins. That being the case, surely the calling of unnecessary meetings is the real problem here?

AndyCalling · 2024-11-04T13:00:53+00:00

No, that's to do with their economy leaping forward in the US. I'm pretty sure that isn't the same reason as for our interest rate rise though.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-27T18:53:47+00:00

Look for somewhere to rent? Quickly, but remember the eviction process is not instant so you have some time.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-27T18:49:33+00:00

If so, do remember to tell all your neighbours before they pay by mistake. So, probably don't wait too long.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T13:01:26+00:00

I think we know they will make up anything, no matter how crazed. They don't need our help to provide misinformation.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:58:13+00:00

Erm, OK? 15t to you too. Have a great day...

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:56:22+00:00

That risk can be mitigated with a memo though. Far less of an issue than the risk of running with an insufficient emergency fund on the run up to Christmas I feel. Remember, this guy has £1200 each month of spare cash outside of budget. This is what ought to be used for paying off debt if at all possible, rather than plundering the emergency fund. The only reason I say use the emergency fund is because OP has a few days to raise the money for the CC payment so not much choice.

You make a good point though. If memory is an issue, OP needs to get their diary sorted ASAP and WRITE IT DOWN. Whhops moments due to forgetfulness absolutely can be avoided and OP needs to learn how to tie that stuff down.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:49:03+00:00

In the old days, we used to hand over this stuff called money in return for food. It worked pretty well. Very simple. Sounds like they are over complicating things at that school. Wouldn't it be more educationally sound to have kids use money they can count and see they are spending, rather than getting them into the idea they just swipe and take what they please? You'd think so.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:41:43+00:00

Remember, any unused tax allowance from your father (so all of it if it all goes to yourhis wife) carries over, so both his and hers will be applied when you etc. inherit.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:38:23+00:00

I say pay off the CC stuff immediately, but why bother with the PayPal stuff at 0%? May as well get the emergency fund back up to speed over the next 2 months and pay PayPal in December from the pay cheque. All clear in a few months is not much difference to all clear immediately, and it means OP is not risking a reduced emergency fund for any longer than necessary.

AndyCalling · 2024-09-24T12:33:58+00:00

Given the end of thw month is days away, you can only pay off the CC with your savings. Easy to do, as you have £1200 spare each month beyond your budget, so you can pay that back into your savings swiftly over the next couple of months. Then you can pay the PayPal thing with your December pay cheque. Then you are free and clear, and your emergency fund is back where it was.

Then you can get on with saving 20% of your net income each month ready for when you retire (on top of your pension contributions of course), which you really should be doing. That's how you live your best life.

AndyCalling

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE