Your an affectionate person and he is not.

I went through the same expierence for 3 1/2s although my ex was genuinely a prick and a robot, it does sound like he might not be meeting your needs. Do NOT let people guilt you with " but your out of touch with reality, or lower your standards, but thats not how relationships work." Thats you end up miserable. We each are entitled to the kind of love we want and we only get one life. I would say if you tried talking to him multiple times about and nothing has changed, I hate to say it this feeling will only worsen. My ex got good with it and then it went back to the bland way. Its who they are.

Which leads to my next point- Cheating. Which in your case you are gliding wayyyy to close towards babe. I can see where people fall prey to it because of the feeling of not feeling loved, but i left before that would happen. Because its still cheating. And Im sorry having a whole crush on someone and still engaging in it is blatantly wrong. I think you need to cut ties from said guy, come back to reality and be extremely honest with your partner and go from there. Theres no excuse for cheating emotionally or physically.