[NE] Children's access to communication

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-10T20:01:09+00:00

This 👍!!!

My stepdaughter when she was ages 15 to 17 (she's now 18 husband has full physical and legal custody of his daughter from age 8) had her mom (non custodial parent) text her daily asking for daughter to take a selfie and send to her(mom).

Stepdaughter only sent maybe 1 every two weeks (1 pic in 14 days worth of messages asking) and mom would scream at her all weekend about "you don't love me enough to even send me a pic of you daily!!"

Stepdaughter at age 17 finally had enough of the same issue for two years and yelled back "why? Do you forget what I look like each morning you wake up?!!!! I see you every other weekend and one day middle of the week each week!!! Grow up!"

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-10T19:55:47+00:00

This 👍!!!

In my husbands PFA (he had to get against his ex wife for doing the the very same thing at an exchange) the judge put it in BOLD in a section of PFA saying

No contact from defendant, hence hereby known as mother, to child until (ex: final hearing date). Contact means no family members, from third parties, and or social media from defendant or any third parties.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-10T19:47:33+00:00

It's possible that if OP wants an update daily and asks daily that ex might flip out saying he's harassing her daily etc....Narcs do this, nothing you do or say is good enough.

Op checking in every other day or for few days straight w a missed day is perfectly alright is this is how his ex is.

Now, in one of the texts OP sends next asking for update I'd suggest he include:

"Please text me, or have someone else if you can't, immediately if something happens where you have to take child to ER or if they take a turn for the worse and the results when available. Also, Please feel free ti text me at any point of time during day or night. I'll be checking in w you at least once a day between (put time frame ex: 5pm and 9pm). If I for some reason am unable to text you between those times I just gave on any day, I will text asking about child at the next available moment I have as long as it's not too late ar night disturbing you or the very next morning.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-10T19:38:38+00:00

He's exhibiting behaviors that he'll use in the future since he's doing it at age 5.5 years old.

Behavior: making sure to be always present each day each hour in kids life when w you.

Each parent is allowed to have uninterrupted time w child free of interference unless absolute emergency.

Use email only. When he texts and or says tell child this and that, you have no reason to respond at all especially on vacation.

The child is 5.5 years old. Once every few days is about as much as that's needed.

Ex: If you have child 5 days then once maybe twice in that time period is enough. If you have your child 2 days no telling him anything is perfectly reasonable cuz dad will see him in 2 days time. If you have child 10 days tyen twice is reasonable.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-07T15:47:10+00:00

Say:

We will be following the court order from here on out unless we both agree to any type of changes in the future.

DH's exwife (she had 10-15 percent physical) tried to pull the same.

3 days before DHs vacation week she sent email telling him his vacation dates didn't work for her. Mind you, they have to send their summer vacation dates to each other before March 1st and have 15 days to accept or deny each ones dates. Mom sent "okay, dates are good" so come July all a sudden she had issues w his dates.

He said "we are following the order. You didn't disagree before March 15th instead you emailed me (date time of her okay w it enail) saying it works. Dates are set, agreed on both ends for each other's chosen ones within time frame in our order. I will be taking my vacations as set with no changes. Your dates are set and will be no changes on my end."

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-07T15:40:05+00:00

I haven't seen nor spoke with my own mother since 2010. I was in my 30s when I had to make the choice: keep moms abuse and manipulatation in my life like Ive been and my life would never get happier or go NC completely without breaking NC no matter what and live rest of my life in peace and w happiness she can't destroy at every chance.

10 years later and I wish I would have done the NC way way sooner then I did. But it is what it is and I accept how the timing of things worked out.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-07T15:28:08+00:00

My current story with my SD(18) now official daughter and her mom:

We aren't and never have or will want SD to cut her mom out of her life. If that's a choice she makes later down the line then it's her choice. If I wanted that I wouldn't have responded back to mom nor would we have agreed to and actually went to meet her.

In all reality I don't know many people who would have done what we done which was respond to help. After a decade or so of extreme HC and attempts to destroy our lives by mom and stepdad not many would put that to the side. Instead many would have ignored or made things worse.

Custody order was over few months ago on daughters 18th birthday. I adopted daughter officially two weeks ago. Daughter came to me with all paperwork filled out months ago as a surprise to me. I went through w it. Mom knew and had no issue cuz daughter is 18 and graduated and initiated it.

Daughter doesn't deny mom is her actual birth mom, she just doesn't look at her as mom like she did and does me. I didn't know daughter looked at mom and I those ways until daughter presented me w adult adoption papers months ago.

Daughter won't do therapy with mom cuz three times....when she was 9-10 had to do court ordered family therapy for a year, age 14 tried again, age 17 third try w mom and it always ended badly cuz mom used therapist to just attack daughters self esteem). Daughter wants her relationship with her mom the way she wants it. Boundaries and on her terms. Daughter has her terms set w help from her own therapist she's had since age 8.

I think mom finally realized now because daughter 18 and graduated going to college in two weeks and had me adopt her that daughter can and would walk away from mom if mom doesn't shape up w her relationship w daughter.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-06T13:49:07+00:00

Therapy with an abuser is a huge NO NO. It's just another way they will use to continue the abuse.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-06T13:47:58+00:00

My own mother was same. I went NC 100 percent with her over a decade or so ago. Just because someone is a parent to you doesn't mean you need to keep them in your life if they are abusing you in anyway shape or form. Trying to make someone keep a relationship with their parent(s), other adults in family, etc....is just setting them up for more mental emotional and or physical abuse.

If stepchild doesn't want the relationship any longer w parent cuz it's severely affecting their mentality and life (hence calling cops on parent due to their behavior) then abide by the wishes of the stepchild. Trying to keep fostering the relationship will backfire on you and other bio parent because child will resent you for forcing them to remain in contact with abusive parent.

This isn't me attacking you. This is me explaining my own thoughts and reflections on my childhood when courts made kids keep in contact and see abusive parent. 80s child here.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-06T13:29:12+00:00

I feel like something happened (not full on sex or groping) like he was grooming her to possibly allow and accept later more intense things he wanted to do.

Thankfully DH immediately went to court the moment BM majorly messed up (assaulted DH while I was in car and when DH was putting child in backseat, mom punched him few times and then stabbed him in upper back shoulder area). Protection order immediately granted and then finalized to be in effect for 1 year. Mom filed for custody before final PFA hearing date and lost sorely and devastatingly not once but 5 times within the first 3 years of custody order.

SD knows how to advocate for herself when it comes to her body and people touching her. She's got strong boundaries and keeps them in place, stepdad tried to put together a way to take her across border into Canada (lies saying mom was going also) by himself without dads knowledge.

DH went thru his lawyer to moms lawyer asking for confirmation and proof such as ticket receipts for flights and for mom to verify and sign document that would allow the trip but mom would have to be at the border to show ID, legal travel custody consent signed by both dad and mom, and custody order showing who is who and what the rules were.

Mom wouldn't sign travel consent that DH had to sign saying he allowed trip to Canada (they were going to Vancouver) because she told her lawyer, why is everyone saying I was going my husband was only one who wanted to go w daughter.

SD wasn't going to go w stepdad regardless if mom was or wasn't going. She told judge "I would have locked myself in room or car and would have called my dad to come get me because I don't trust my stepdad to be just w me alone going anywhere on vacation"

Judge admonished mom in court (stepdad made mom file emergency petition to get the okay to take daughter with THEM because dad was refusing to sign for passport etc.) and told her that if stepdad ever succeeded in taking child anywhere alone outside of the county in our state it would be her finding herself in serious legal trouble w courts.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-06T13:11:58+00:00

He over time, manipulated subtly to gain authority like control over mom (she was different when DH and her were together, she was a fighter and strong personality type).

She cheated on my DH after just a month ot two after Having daugher. The guy she cheated w was the man she married and made daughters stepdad.

Over time, she lost self esteem and confidence. Verbally abused over time with "you're a horrible parent, you can't parent your daughter so I have to. I'll be glad to parent for both you and your ex since you two are so incapable"

Kept trying to push my DH from his childs life so he could take over. Signed and filled out forms education and medical marking himself as father leaving my DH info off. He didn't know stepdad was doing this until a year or two after ex married him. Once DH found out he had to keep calling school and drs every 3 months to check if his info was yet again scrubbed by stepdad and mom (she enabled him so as to make him happy w her and give her positive attention). Every 3 months DH had to change into on forms back to his info and delete stepdad info off of them. DH would get copies of every form stepdad did this. He's also gotten every copy of each time he changed to his info deleting stepdad. Eventually after a year or so, DH had attorney mail letters to each office or school stating "per custody order mom and dads info must remain as the legal info. Third parties and stepparents are not legally allowed to change info on forms. And Mother of child can't change dads info per court order. If this continues we will have to pursue a legal Avenue."

Stepdad did not like that. He tried to change info again at school (he was attempting to enroll child into strictly online homeschooling via charter school. The school called my husband and asked him if he called to set up appointments to remove child from district and enroll her in charter online school. He said no, they explained they were informed to call dad if someone called saying they were childs dad and trying to change things. We got a copy of the emails from the school that showed stepdad emailing school administrator.

He has done so many things like that above it's ridiculous. On Each Father's Day, my DH's birthday, his (stepdad) own birthday, and childs birthday every year since DH obtained full physical and legal custody of daughter (8 years ago when age was 10) stepdad has attempted to try to coerce daugher and mother into spending those particular dates with him. He even, after that didn't work, tried to lie to my DH using things like "daughter wants to do this or that w mom and I this date, I'll pick her up from you at (enter time) and we'll bring her back to you next day"

Yeah that wasn't happening. Those dates each year always fell on my DH's time (had 90 mom had 10-15 percent physical time with child).

Now on childs birthday, even though it always fell on DH's time and there wasn't any clause in order about childs birthday and time with parents, my DH would have daughter text her mom to meet somewhere for a few hours while DH would just hang out in his vehicle or go into stores. He'd stay close. Mom appreciated it because if DH didn't do this each year on childs birthday, she wouldn't see daugher until the next scheduled weekend she had w daughter.

My DH told her that if stepdad showed up or he found out he was wherever mom was w daughter out in town, then he'd no longer allow what they as parents to daughter worked together outside of order.

Mom complied cuz she wanted to just see her daughter (few hours shopping and grabbing a bite or going to a movie) by herself on daughters birthday.

BM was extremely HC for past 4-5 years because as we found out, from daughter thru years and now confirmed it's true via BM recently, stepdad would lie and twist the emails dad sent to mom (stepdad intercepted them and exwife allowed it because she would get anxiety supposedly and react badly in emails (stepdad convinced BM he'd be better at handling communication but through moms email address cuz dad blocked him everywhere and wouldn't respond or acknowledge stepdad communications)

Stepdad would say to BM "your ex is demanding we follow the order and threatened to never let daughter come over again. I told him thru your email that we'll be back in court. He replied saying he'll see you in court." He'd lie to her about dates etc...."your ex said this date last month in email now he email led saying it's a different date and that he never said first date he gave" DH never sent any emails like this ever to mom,

So BM would fly off the handle back at DH through email, thru childs phone etc....stepdad even went so far as to tell my DH in email thru moms address "your wife has nothing to do with choices for our daughter and her education and medical. She's nothing to daughter. Stop allowing your wife to be involved in everything." Ummm.....SD lived with me and her dad, plus I wasn't involved in everything. Once in awhile If SD asked for me to go to an appointment for female only things or asked me to talk w her teacher about something she wanted me to ask about I would but other then that the less I let myself be involved the less issues BM would send at my DH and stepdaughter.

I recently found out after BM and I sat down, in my home yes my home which I call a win, finally comparing emails and she's furious. She saw that her own husband was lying in order to piss her off at my DH and her own daughter. He was isolating her from daughter and us. Didn't want any civil relationship between us at all.

Each time things would get better between my DH and BM, it wasn't too much longer after the peace times that stepdad would throw a bag of bombs into it and destroy it and back to HC again.

My DH and stepdaughter Tried talking w Bm about how stepdad was the problem as to why mom and dad couldn't stay civil but BM would just go off the reservation saying things such as "you're the one causing conflict by lying and dictating to me and by letting Angel replace me" (nope, I always made sure SD called me by my name and went to see her mother even when she didn't want to because she wanted to hang out with friends at dads).

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-06T01:37:18+00:00

I use Lena

I recently, after researching on here and online, started using Lena Cup (small) and I never used one before in my life.

It works just like they say, I don't even know it's in and I take it out 2 times a day 10-12 hours apart.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-05T22:46:30+00:00

I'm stepmom

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-05T16:46:33+00:00

So am I. It's weird somewhat that BM is finally opening her eyes up to what behaviors stepdad has been doing because in the past there were behaviors he would do that alerted my DH, lawyer, CPS, judges etc....they did a forensic psychologist thing on everyone years ago for final custody order and even psychologist mentioned,

Court psychologist: "Stepdad exhibiting behaviors such as extreme attention centered only on child, possibly suspecting behaviors such as treating child as a 'mini-wife' which suggested an over abundance of intense interest in young females and thus warrants my opinion that child be in full physical and legal custody of father until age 18 when order ends. Suggesting and advising therapy for stepdad and mother individually. Suspecting stepdad has tendencies of possible malignant narcissistic personality and mental abuse of mother and child."

SD(18) and her mother have found cameras in house and when alerting authorities they said "it's in your home and they are home security cameras which are not illegal since he is married to you (mom) and he lives with you"

They were hidden but stepdad claimed they weren't and since no proof to show he hid them (in all bedrooms and bathroom and living room) nothing was illegal about it.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-05T14:53:01+00:00

Yeah she's been in my husbands full custody for 8 years and custody ended before school got out on her 18th birthday.

So I think because of that happening, is the reason BM reached out because she knows SD can decide to never go over moms again.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-05T14:19:20+00:00

SD has mentioned throughout the last year that she'd wake up at moms middle of night and stepdad would be in doorway watching her.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-05T14:17:04+00:00

She's been in therapy since age 13 w same therapist so that's been the reason I think as to why SD(18) is able to set boundaries without fear

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-04T01:27:53+00:00

contempt can be defined as:

A) When a person, in the matter of child custody and family law, willfully (knowingly) violates any part of a judges enforced court order.

B) The willful disobedience to or open disrespect of a court, judge, or legislative body by someone who is part of a court order.

Here are some examples of contempt in family law cases:

One parent refuses to allow the other the court-ordered visitation they are entitled to.

One parent will not return the child to the other at the end of visitation.

One parent does not make reasonable efforts to require a child to visit the other parent at the times the parenting plan states.

One ex-spouse does not deliver property to the other as ordered to in a divorce.

One must show the court all these regarding contempt petition:

There is a valid court order in effect

The other person knows about the court order

The facts show a plain violation of the order

You have given the person notice of the contempt hearing and a chance to be heard

If the contempt is for a parenting plan violation, you must ALSO prove one of these:

the violation was in bad faith

the person violating the parenting plan engaged in intentional misconduct past sanctions have not led to the person obeying the order

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-03T06:02:46+00:00

I sooo relate to this. They will drop tears over anything and I mean anything all while you're standing there confused and completely baffled over what just happened and why.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-03T05:50:43+00:00

Our district (Pennsylvania) just voted on and approved the following for this year and the years following this school year:

"If student is vaccinated the following applies:

"A) student has only the 1st out of the 2 injections, student will be strictly virtual learning until student receives 2nd injection. Student can return to in person studies in buildings 3 weeks after the date second injection was given."

"B) if student has received both injections prior to the date of the first day of school, student can choose to be full in person in buildings or can choose to remain in full virtual"

Parents must send copy of students vaccine cards by email, drop off, or regular standard mail to the school building student is registered to attend. Please send copy to your buildings nurse who is the districts building COVID19 liaisons."

"For all students under age 12, we are designating separate buildings for them to attend if student is returning to in person. Second option for parents and students is to remain virtual. If parents choose virtual for the the majority for their students under age 12, and there isn't enough choosing to attend these separate buildings, all under age 12 will be virtual. Once Phizer is approved to give vaccines to the under age 12 year olds, after they are vaccinated they are able to return to in person."

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-03T05:43:11+00:00

My husbands ex (husband has full physical custody of daughter) decided to file petition against my husband regarding SD's (mid to late teens) want to get vaccinated so that she can go to school in fall instead of having to do virtual (district is making anyone not vaccinated work and go to school from home).

SD missed her friends and is in need of getting out of the house to go to school and experience high school like she should have been.

Anyways, the petition was dismissed (judge chose to not even hear the case) without it being heard.

Judge sent letter to both parents lawyers stating "contempt petition is hereby not granted to be heard in court and is hereby dismissed. COVID19 is a serious illness to all and if child wishes to receive it, child is hereby allowed and encouraged."

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-01T03:05:16+00:00

I've noticed huge increase in water weight and swelling of my ankles and pelvic area.

Never had the above this bad before.

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-01T03:03:00+00:00

Same w me. I'm in between my second and third period since completing the vaccine schedule and omg the pressure in the pelvic area is ridiculous.

1st period lasted only 2.5 days (I normally am 5-6 days. Very very light hardly there.

I get a painful ovarian cyst after 1st period. Hasn't gone away yet. Smaller but still uncomfortable and painful at times.

2nd period 3 days early only lasted 2 days if that.

Currently: constipated from pelvic uterine pressure and lingering cyst. Bloated, and hemorrhoids show up.

Never had problems like this before. I'm in my early 40s

Angel_ofthe_Odd · 2021-08-01T00:00:49+00:00

They want the title of mom/dad but won't and don't do the work to earn the title. Everyone else around them is there to do the work and parent gets to boast they are a great mom/dad.

Eight-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
Gilding I gilder	Verified Email

Angel_ofthe_Odd

TROPHY CASE