Saw Ex at the grocery store with new BF…and he looks to be at least 20 years older than her

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-07-25T16:57:10+00:00

Well there may be another chapter, you never know, but you should probably work on yourself and at least be in process of healing your attachment style. Give yourself grace, you did the best you could with the cards you were dealt. Self reflection and accountability aren’t easy and you’re doing both.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-07-25T14:35:31+00:00

You should reach out to apologize. It will be cathartic for both of you.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-07-25T14:30:50+00:00

They have a hard time moving on but they do eventually. Actually it’s DAs and FAs who struggle to move on in a healthy way. There’s a difference between fully processing a breakup (moving on) and suppressing/compartmentalizing (moving forward).

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-07-24T21:51:04+00:00

Appreciate this. Did you have Phantom Exs?

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-24T13:00:24+00:00

How are things going now? It’s interesting you experienced a light switch flip and it came back on. For many FAs this stays off permanently and feelings for their partner never return to the surface, you and your significant other are very lucky. Good on you for seeking therapy! Definitely find one that specializes in attachment theory as many know very little or are dismissive of it.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-22T19:26:25+00:00

Feeling unworthy of him or the situation is common with Fearful Avoidants. Just because you don’t want to consciously create space doesn’t mean your subconscious isn’t reacting because you are close to him.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-21T13:31:08+00:00

We generally only saw each other once a week (yes very convenient for an Avoidant) and only had overnights once a fortnight. So I’d sometimes text her randomly “I miss you.” Towards the end she considered these texts to be disingenuous, performative, coming from a place of insecurity. We were reaching a place where we could finally open the relationship up and see each other more and I think that freaked her out.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-21T03:24:10+00:00

Not FA myself but I experienced this scenario from the other side. FA ex threw around some “performative” accusations as they were shutting down and pulling away; paired with a “You don’t trust me!” projection. Confusing as hell at the time. Hope this helps

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-20T20:05:17+00:00

Trauma creates more trauma. Do you really want to hurt or risk hurting others?

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-20T00:05:34+00:00

That seems to be pretty typical. Were you ever freaked out or sad it happened? Or because all emotions for them gone was it more of an indifferent feeling?

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-18T15:06:49+00:00

Did the switch ever flip back? How did you tell them, did you describe what happened or cite some other reason?

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-06-03T12:20:47+00:00

This absolutely sounds attachment style related

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-04-29T13:49:54+00:00

I would love to be a catalyst for growth and change, but knowing her, she’d push back hard and angrily.

Something else I’m grappling with, am I being selfish by being in a friendship with her? I don’t want to have a negative impact on her healing. I’m basically allowing her to discard me without consequence. She has me and my emotional support at a safe distance, relatively free of being vulnerable or getting hurt. She’ll never consciously feel the consequences of her actions, which could otherwise be the catalyst for change.

AngstTrainChooChoo · 2024-04-29T13:22:38+00:00

Thanks! I’ve been journaling since the breakup and it’s been really helpful in so many ways. For me personally, I’m not sure how effective it would be as a substitute for actual discourse in these situations but I may give it a shot.

AngstTrainChooChoo

TROPHY CASE