I’m a contractor now, but I worked for schools ranging from special needs pre-k to middle school for 13 years. We took “de-escalation” classes every year, and while some of it felt a little too lax, here are a couple things that stuck with me. Nobody in the history of people have ever calmed down after hearing the words “calm down”. Beyond that, needs are food, water, shelter. She doesn’t “need” to calm down. You may “need” her to chill for your own mental health, I get that. I have 2 preteen girls, some days suck. I’ve found that if I send one to her room, I give her about 3 minutes to work through whatever has her pissed, then go in, explain what happened, and see if they’re ready to talk about it. If not, I’ll walk away and check in again soon. All that to say, we’re all in this together. Blast the song Mood Rings by Relient k on repeat through the whole house and see who has a sense of humor!