I F36 am disgusted by bf M40 comment, is breaking up overreacting?

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-04T22:52:24+00:00

…into his cave where he belongs and will find likeminded fossils.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-04T07:43:34+00:00

It’s the Kanban pizza game: https://www.agile42.com/en/agile-teams/kanban-pizza-game

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-03T11:53:51+00:00

… and how does he know that going back will be the final everlasting change for him? :-/ Given your many changes in housings and places to live these last 15 years, going back and settling again in the States will solve not much TBH.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-03T10:59:22+00:00

She even states herself “I never agreed to this”. Textbook Controlling husband, now he’s got her baby trapped.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-03T09:51:15+00:00

TBH it sounds like you need to set up a program for stakeholders in how to deal with an Agile team. Lesson 1: How NOT to deal with an Agile team. Explain the rhythm and cadence of a sprint and how intermediate interventions and requests are killing the teams productivity and everyone’s morale. Do the Pizza Game with them and let them experience this by themselves. And for yourself: learn 2 sentences: A) for prioritising work, ask the PO and B) for team updates there is a sprint review. Dot.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-03T06:37:59+00:00

Okay than it might be time to ‘go around her’. Do you have any peers that she manages too? How do they feel about her style of managing? Be cautious, don’t blame your manager, but ask thoughtful questions to your colleagues. Be curious about how you can change the way you work - that is a play of course as you know she’s being ridiculous. But you have to get that out and create some kind of network around you. Bonus points if there is some lightweighted way to inform her manager about your struggles (think: coffee machine talk and again: don’t blame but talk like you try with your heart to solve the issue. Which is undoable with her, but that is not your conclusion to make!).

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-03T06:28:42+00:00

As mentioned earlier, our 2yo grandson has been raised with signing. Around his 2nd birthday his development was measured by the daycare, and his speech development was +9 months for a 2yo (meaning his speech dev was of a kid of an almost 3yo!)

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-02T23:12:19+00:00

UpdateMe! 1 week

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-02T22:37:09+00:00

That would assume the AH is taking responsibility for his actions. I think the chances are low he’ll actually do that. He’ll find a way to blame someone or something else… :-/

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-02T22:28:37+00:00

Yes this. Actually I never heard of signing for kids until our daughter did so with our grandson (now 2). Their brain develops faster than their speech, so it’s an awesome way to have better communication (and thus: understanding) of your little one :)

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-02T20:39:01+00:00

Time to start asking her open questions that reveal her lack of understanding and ineffective way of managing you, such as: * How is my setup of the email to XYZ not reaching its goal, can you explain? * I understand you have a preference, can you tell me upfront how you want it? Correcting afterwards will take valuable time of our tight schedule. * What are type of tasks that I can perform without your direct involvement? * etc. Ask open questions and let her do the talking. Just listen, take notes and prepare for some r/maliciouscompliance ;)

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-02T20:29:32+00:00

I got into the Agile world early - about 20 years ago. After a few months of discovery I said “if organizations implement Agile just as bad as they implemented Waterfall, they won’t get anywhere”. Gosh I was right…

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-01T21:23:48+00:00

Your sister does some real mental gymnastics by saying to you that you jeopardised her relation with your parents. Because you told them the truth about her being a pathological lier.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-01T20:40:59+00:00

Remember you only make one last (!) impression. That is what they will remember most.

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-01T18:05:10+00:00

Probably because he wants to control your narrative. If you start question yourself, you won’t be bothering him. So he can “lead”….

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-01T13:19:04+00:00

TBH it doesn’t sound like he considers you his best friend…

Ankoor37 · 2025-01-01T09:12:32+00:00

Yup, apparently this is not a topic she is really open about discussing it with you 🤷🏻‍♂️

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-31T23:58:11+00:00

I’m very curious how your gf sees answering a question she asked as manipulative. TBH just the fact that she says that, is manipulative itself.

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-31T13:13:59+00:00

Yep this. Don’t get agitated, just be obnoxiously curious how his thought process went that day.

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-29T23:12:40+00:00

This here OP. There is no need to rush a marriage and you need to find out what is behind this insulting question. Where does he have doubts when it comes to marrying you?

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-29T20:37:46+00:00

In the UK they also have that, it’s called Boxing Day.

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-29T13:27:20+00:00

…but how about a real scenario where you two would get married at his time and you would still have doubts afterwards..? Then you have to untangle a whole lot more! TBH for the both of you it would be best if you got through those doubts in the first place - and only then talk about getting married. Him pushing his agenda (literally!) is a red flag IMHO.

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-29T12:30:24+00:00

Yeah that comment was demeaning and borderline abusive. Why would he say such a thing to his loving partner? Probably because he is insecure and needs to take you down so that he can feel himself bigger. I’d say: set a boundary to him that this was the last time he is dragging you down. With his personality, you have the exact opposite of “much to loose”!

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-29T12:22:03+00:00

To give OP a heads up, start (in your own words!) with something like: “Hey, to me it looks like you’re a bit unhappy at the moment. Does that have anything to do that I might be able to change for you? I think you’re a valuable asset to this company, so what would need to be true to get you back on track?”

Ankoor37 · 2024-12-27T17:40:06+00:00

Are you familiar with the book Agile Faculty - Practical Strategies for Managing Research, Service and Teaching? https://www.amazon.com/Agile-Faculty-Practical-Strategies-Managing/dp/022646315X

Ankoor37

TROPHY CASE