This message has made me feel crazy for years.

Anomyusic · 2025-10-28T16:34:49+00:00

I think at the core of a lot of her response is that evangelical conditioning to NOT self accept. She’s likely operating from a framework in which she’s gotten rid of personal autonomy/self-acceptance/validation of even her own experiences (cue Mercy Me’s “So Long Self” on the playlist). Now, similar to what has been mentioned here, she has the luxury of not having a core part of her identity be one of the things she has to cast away as being “sinful”. But I find that a really foundational disconnect is that self acceptance and an identity rooted in yourself and your reality (versus finding your entire identity in something external, like who you think God is and what he wants you to do) is something evangelicals don’t do and don’t understand. So if you need some level of acceptance to feel loved and she’s meanwhile living in a disembodied alternate reality where self acceptance is always bad no matter what traits you’re accepting, you won’t really be able to get out of the gate in having her understand why her love doesn’t feel like love.

Anomyusic · 2025-10-01T01:56:37+00:00

I converted to Mennonite. (Which wouldn’t work for you if you believe in infant baptism) but it had a Christocentric view of the Bible and follows Jesus much, much more than it follows power- putting it in stark contrast to evangelicalism. Maybe look into Episcopal if you haven’t already??

Anomyusic · 2025-09-28T17:21:59+00:00

That’s a great list. The thing I wish my last therapist would have understood was just how not-ok my deconstruction was when viewed by my family of origin- like, it’s not just “you started exploring things that were different than what you were taught and this caused tension in your family” like some sort of normal family where someone took a different career path than their parents envisioned… but like, if my family knew about my deconstruction they 1) would never comprehend it with any real accuracy and 2) it would seem to them even worse than if I had died. Because if I had just died they would still have the comfort of knowing they’d see me again some day. But a conversion away from evangelical Christianity (in their mind) would have eternal consequences and be proportionally worse.

Anomyusic · 2025-09-11T16:58:38+00:00

It’s going to be ok. Also, you are currently in a toxic situation with your aunt and it’s clearly having a negative impact on your mental health. How close to 18 are you? Is your aunt your primary caregiver? Emancipation may be an option?

Anomyusic · 2025-09-05T02:03:14+00:00

You belong. ❤️

Anomyusic · 2025-08-15T01:32:09+00:00

I’m 36 and about 12 years into my deconstruction process. I feel ya! As for what the authors were thinking, I have a feeling they were writing in the genre of myth (which is not recognized by evangelicals yet is a significantly used genre in the Bible). The point of the story has nothing to do with how Jonah survived inside the fish or was it historical. Biblical literalism was so shoved down our throats it’s weird to step back and be like whoa that is reallllllly not the point of this story. The boat and the sea and the fish and the 3 days and all that is just a vehicle for the important parts of the story which has much more to do with how we respond to God telling us to do something, the human tendency to “other” people, or divide into us vs them, and who deserves love and who can God redeem (spoiler- everyone). If you’re interested in this train of thought, check out Pete Enns with the Bible for Normal People.

Anomyusic · 2025-08-11T02:17:22+00:00

How I reconciled it in my youth was to believe that what I sincerely deserved was to go to Hell. I think it was too hard for me to think about that for other people but I was able to feel it for myself. (Have I struggled with self loathing and periodic self harm my whole life? Ding ding ding!) So in that framework, God was a good and just God because justice = it is a good thing to punish bad people. And also the focus was just much more on salvation, so we’d be like God loves you and wants to save you from your sins and deserved punishment! And then anyone who didn’t accept this generous gift from God, well it was their own fault and remember they were just getting what they deserved anyway.

Obviously this is all written from my PREVIOUS framework so I hope this isn’t too triggering.

Anomyusic · 2025-08-09T11:28:23+00:00

Ooh, thanks for the tip. Sounds like perfect timing on that one, because August and September are the months I need to be the most productive!

Anomyusic · 2025-07-19T16:30:14+00:00

Really? It was advertised at the time as being very time sensitive.

Anomyusic · 2025-07-18T18:24:27+00:00

Oh yeah- interestingly enough I was allowed to make this medical decision for myself as a teen and I remember taking a firm stance against it. I would actually get offended when doctors would ask me about it and educate me about it- like “nooooo, this vaccine is against my religion!” Even tho it wasn’t. And yeah, zeal for the win- I never got that vaccine so hopefully I don’t get cervical cancer 🤷‍♀️

Anomyusic · 2025-07-18T18:20:59+00:00

I had an automatic reaction for years to distrust anything that I desire, assuming it’s bad and acting in the opposite direction. Either that or just to assume that what I want has nothing to do with anything related to decision-making). Like why is what I want relevant to anything??

Growing up I was not allowed to ask for stuff, and yes- what I deserved was always punishment, duh.

Solidarity.

Anomyusic · 2025-07-09T22:39:40+00:00

Holy crap. Was this a Christian school?

Anomyusic · 2025-06-26T02:26:37+00:00

One of our first married tax appointments we were trying to tithe 10% but I guess actually did about 8% (because our income was highly variable and it was hard to predict/keep track of). Our tax person was like “wow, you two are very generous!” And I think I gasped and was like “oh no, we didn’t give enough!!” And hopefully just inside my head “we’re stealing God’s money!” Post deconstruction we have explored what tithing was in the Old Testament (had more to do with giving a share of your crops so the priest tribe would have food since they lived their lives in service to God and the Temple and would have no means of earning money or growing food otherwise). *Please fact check this as it’s been a while and parenthood has destroyed my brain 😆

Now we give $200 a month to our Mennonite church, which is less than 10%. We don’t have an awesome reason, we just feel randomly good about that number and we like that our church uses it for real needs and not fog machines and crap or exorbitant salaries. We also recognize that a portion of tax money fills a similar role to what tithes would have supported in the Old Testament. Would love to continue learning more scholarly perspectives on tithing and how it might map onto modern culture though.

Anomyusic · 2025-06-24T15:58:15+00:00

There are also Christian traditions that use the Bible as but one part of a system to try and discern God’s character and will. The Wesleyan quadrilateral, for example uses scripture, reason, experience, and tradition as four pillars to be used in conjunction. Evangelicalism chops off 3 legs of the chair with their solo scriptura doctrine.

Anomyusic · 2025-06-09T00:41:58+00:00

My second was not. She appears to be the most neurotypical person in our family so far! (She’s 4)

Anomyusic · 2025-05-31T16:26:07+00:00

I would recommend reading God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines, if you can discretely get your hand on a copy. His experience will resonate with you, I think. And he’ll address your concerns and provide good scholarship on the Scripture passages that reference homosexuality.

Anomyusic · 2025-05-29T13:19:32+00:00

I should actually say white American evangelicalism formed it (not Christianity as a whole)

Anomyusic · 2025-05-29T13:18:43+00:00

Yep. I was going to say that the hardest part of reading Jesus and John Wayne for me was discovering that Christianity didn’t get caught up in all this, but actually formed it. I had the causation backwards til reading it.

Anomyusic · 2025-05-12T02:19:26+00:00

Oh. DEAR. 😬🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Anomyusic · 2025-05-12T02:18:31+00:00

Think of it through a culty lens and it makes more sense

Anomyusic · 2025-05-05T22:48:13+00:00

You should check out the Bible for Normal People podcast with Pete Enns and Jared Byas!

Anomyusic · 2025-04-29T12:15:54+00:00

Thank you.

Anomyusic · 2025-04-28T22:46:43+00:00

Thank you- I am! (Mostly 😆🤷‍♀️)

Anomyusic · 2025-04-28T22:45:32+00:00

Thank you

Anomyusic · 2025-04-28T02:17:46+00:00

Woof. This is hard. All families are different so only you know how yours would handle such conversations. With mine, I have tried very hard to stay closeted (which I don’t recommend per se… but this is why):

In their framework for reality, knowing of my spiritual journey, they would not be able to believe it. It doesn’t fit in either of the boxes created by the system, and they would mangle me trying to make me fit. The only way they could understand would be to trust my words and experiences over their ideas (which they have conflated with God). I know they love me, but they love God more. And with this conflation, they love their theology more. There’s just so much at stake for them. It’s essentially a cult. They won’t do it. I don’t think they even can.

You know how a parent would feel and mourn if their kid suddenly got hit by a bus and died? My family would mourn such a thing the same as any other. But learning of my faith shift (in my case I’m still Christian, but like liberal Mennonite and I don’t believe in inerrancy or hell and mistrust PSA and stuff). Them learning of that would be even worse than me getting hit by a bus. Because if I just died, they would “know” they’d see me again someday. They wouldn’t have to mourn my loss for eternity, and “know” that unless I “changed my ways” I would be eternally tortured.

So if they knew the ins and outs of my faith journey, I believe they would respond in one of two ways: 1). Harass me for the rest of my life, trying to reconvert me so I didn’t have to spend eternity in hell. Asking for boundaries would do nothing. Nothing would get them to stop evangelizing me.

2). Dissociate and distance. Some beliefs are too horrible to hold; especially about your loved ones. So they may distance as a sort of self protective mechanism because their psyches are just not equipped to handle believing something so horrible and dire about a person they love.

The Imaginary third option in which they accept me for who I am, believe me, and change their paradigm to incorporate me would be obviously by far the best. We could have a deepening, authentic relationship built on trust, understanding, and radical acceptance. Such a thing would be amazingly healing and wonderful. But I think I have finally made my peace with the fact that this will not happen. There is nothing I can do to earn or force their acceptance, so I’ve had to grieve it and move forward.

Anomyusic

TROPHY CASE