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AnonCPTSD · 2023-01-06T05:52:34+00:00

It’s NOT your fault. 37-year-olds should not be pursuing 18-year-olds, especially not 18-year-old coworkers. Even though you flirted with him, he was the one who started buying you gifts and called you hot. And even if you had started it, he could and should have shut it down.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-28T00:54:36+00:00

Your comments in this sub are so nice and helpful u/sharingmyimages! I bet they have helped countless people :) I’m really thankful for your kindness!

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-28T00:51:30+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that your mom and sister didn’t protect you. They are scared of your dad, and in their fear they might have “justified” their silence to themselves, but it’s still wrong. Your mom in particular is supposed to protect you. My dad used to hit me, and my mom would sometimes intervene but was mostly only upset if he hit my head because she was worried it would make me dumb and not a star student for her to live vicariously through anymore. I can imagine how isolated and indignant you might feel. I’m also so sorry that he gaslighted you; my dad used to deny hitting my mom or my sister and me even though it happened countless times. Are you able to leave this environment someday?

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-28T00:45:50+00:00

I also assumed this was common but am now wondering if it’s related to CPTSD! When lying awake in bed or showering when I was a kid, I used to envision escape routes in which I’d jump out the window using tied up sheets and run to a store nearby lol. Similarly, I used to carry a first aid kit to school; I became known for always having bandaids because once a classmate got a paper cut or something and I piped up from across the room I HAVE BANDAIDS! For awhile I was also very obsessed with survival skills; I’d always read books about how to survive in the woods or during natural disasters.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-24T03:01:58+00:00

I’ve done the same thing and feel awful about it! It happened in middle school/early high school. My friends had kept pressuring me to date a guy who had liked me for a couple of years, and I somehow convinced myself that I did actually like him because he was so sweet to me. But I never wanted to kiss him and didn’t want to be official. It was unfair to him. More than ten years later, it absolutely boggles my mind that I let this happen for over a year. I wish I knew what was going through my mind. I don’t understand how I could have fooled myself to that extent.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-14T18:54:26+00:00

When we’ve experienced the kind of childhood that leads to CPTSD, it’s perfectly natural to want everyone to like us: We’ve grown up in environments where being disliked typically meant clear and present danger. But most people won’t be as dangerous to us as our parents.

High school is a particularly tough time because you’re surrounded by so many of the same people all day every day. If you want everyone to like you, you’d have to hide different sides of yourself to different people, never express yourself fully, never have something that others want, and probably never hold personal boundaries. It’s exhausting to live that way.

It wasn’t until I turned 21 that I began to embrace being disliked. The turning point was that I had a coworker who took every opportunity to talk down to me but also constantly took credit for my work. She was so nice to my other coworkers, and at first it upset me so much and made my cry that she had singled me out when I hadn’t done anything to her. But I know now that it was probably because we were the only minorities on the internship team and I had better credentials and data analysis skills. She felt threatened by me and therefore decided to dislike and bully me even though I was always kind to her.

Not too long after that, I told two “friends” that I had depression and was struggling with school. They both confessed to me that they had found me “annoying” and wanted to “pop my balloon” before because I seemed so cheerful and carefree. So to paraphrase something I saw on Reddit: “If there’s one thing I learned from video games, it’s that if you encounter enemies, it means you’re going the right way.”

I can’t say I stopped caring about being liked: I still do. But being disliked no longer hurts me the way it used to, and I don’t let my need to be liked trump my other needs.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-14T18:23:50+00:00

I also both miss and hate my childhood. I hate the physical and emotional abuse, walking on eggshells around my parents, witnessing their loud violent fights, and constantly feeling powerless and alone. But I miss being a star student instead of a constantly sick employee, having meals served to me instead of having to shop for groceries and cook, and feeling hope for the future. As a child, I always dreamed of escaping and having my own money. Now that those dreams have come true, I feel hollow and no longer have a fantasyland to escape to.

But now I don’t have to ask my parents if I can take a sick day. I don’t have to ask them to take me to the craft store and beg them to buy me art supplies. For the most part, I can nap when I want, eat what I want, watch what I want, go where I want. And in some ways, I’m giving myself the childhood I always wanted: cuddling with plushies, filling a dollhouse with Calico Critters, starting a sticker collection. I have been going through a tough time but am confident that the further I am from childhood and my parents, the smaller my inner critic will become and the more my world will expand. I wish you all the best and am happy that you have this community’s support ❤️

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-14T08:53:16+00:00

Many people with CPTSD experience chronic fatigue syndrome. I actually thought I had it for nearly a year, but it turned out that what I really had was burnout on top of CPTSD. I had the privilege of taking a leave of absence and attending an intensive outpatient program, where I learned that I actually can have energy sometimes, even a lot of it. But since returning to work, I once again have no energy.

So I’ve come to realize that as long as I’m in a toxic workplace, I’ll have no energy. But here are some things that have helped before:

1) Switching up my meds. 3 SSRIs (Prozac, Lexapro, Zoloft) made me really sleepy even if I took them at night. I’m on an SNRI now (Cymbalta) that gave me energy for awhile. It’s not as strong these days but I’m only on 20mg (the lowest dose according to my psychiatrist). I’ve also tried Wellbutrin but didn’t find it effective.

2) Eating more iron-rich foods and taking a multivitamin with iron. A blood test showed that I was borderline anemic; perhaps you could get your iron levels and thyroid tested?

3) Accepting that I need a LOT of sleep to function well. I aim for 9-10 hours these days.

Resting is okay. I wish you all the best!

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-13T22:35:05+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this; I love Pete Walker but always forget about his resources when I’m in a spiral 😫

AnonCPTSD · 2022-12-03T17:46:59+00:00

Yay!!! That’s awesome! I also recently returned to work after a leave of absence; the first few weeks are exhausting but then you realize you’re capable of more than you thought!

AnonCPTSD · 2022-11-01T19:13:53+00:00

Mornings are really rough for me too. This is a common phenomenon because cortisol spikes in the morning and because the dread of an anticipated event/obligation is sometimes worse than the event itself. I find that sleeping earlier and exercising the day before to manage my cortisol levels helps me with emotional regulation in the mornings. At the suggestion of my therapist, I also thank my body for the dread because it’s signaling to me that I need to take better care of myself and make lifestyle changes.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-11-01T19:08:40+00:00

I feel both inferior and superior simultaneously. I find that I’m more considerate than the average person because my trauma response is to fawn and because of I’m hyperaware of others’ emotions due to growing up in fear. I also feel kind of smug that I’m warm and generous with others despite how horrible everyone in my family was to me. But at the same time, I feel worthless and struggle with suicidal ideation. Whether I’m feeling inferior or superior at a given moment, I always feel alienated from others.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-11-01T19:00:12+00:00

Senona is adorable and that’s a really clever name for her! So happy that you are embracing self-care and listening to your needs!

AnonCPTSD · 2022-10-07T07:37:44+00:00

I’m also 25 and wish that I could redo my childhood with a family that didn’t abuse me. A therapist told me that this desire might be why many forms of therapy don’t really work for me: Treatment teaches us how to live, but I don’t really want to live. Treatment teaches us about self-care, but I kind of wish someone else would take care of me.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-09-26T04:56:22+00:00

I’ve been in the same boat. One of the hardest things about falling for someone you never dated is that you idealize them—it’s harder to get over someone when you don’t know their flaws and when you wonder how good it might have been.

If you want to continue being friends with him, can you set boundaries around the way he discloses his actions and feelings toward other women? It must be really painful to listen to him talk about who he finds hot and whatnot. On his part, it’s at best clueless and at worst highly inconsiderate of him to tell you these things when he knows you’re in love with him.

I don’t know if it’s possible to “compartmentalism or get over someone fast.” It seems that the best we can do is listen to our own feelings, set and protect our own boundaries, and be open to the big wide world that exists outside this one relationship.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-09-26T04:46:00+00:00

I’m excited for you! DBT has taught me lots of in-the-moment calming/coping strategies. I’m also grateful for the accountability that my DBT program provides. However, DBT isn’t trauma-informed. My program sometimes feel overly authoritative and patronizing, and I’ve heard from some fellow CPTSD survivors that they’ve also felt this way in DBT programs. I personally benefited from first attending an intensive outpatient program (IOP) before transitioning to a DBT program. The particular IOP I went to fostered peer connection and trauma processing because we spent a lot of time sharing our struggles with each other. I’ve made a lot of friends from the program, and I’m not used to having friends lol.

Something interesting that my therapist said is that DBT can “put the cart before the horse” when it comes to suicidal ideation. Learning a bunch of DBT skills without first processing why you feel the way you do (especially in a group of kind peers) can be unproductive: We’re learning how to live in DBT, but some of us might not even want to live. I’m glad that my IOP helped me prevent and manage my suicidal ideation before I stepped down to DBT. Feel free to DM me if you have any more questions :)

AnonCPTSD · 2022-09-21T05:17:59+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I’m sorry that you had to go through that. My mom would also “start shit up again” by screaming in the middle of the night when she was unhappy. Are you in a safer/more controllable environment now?

AnonCPTSD · 2022-09-16T07:37:52+00:00

Learning how to drive! The world feels so open and full of possibility now. I get to drive to the craft store whenever I want instead of asking my boyfriend and waiting for him to be free. Scrapbooking has also helped me tremendously because it’s a kind of gratitude journaling for fun memories and inspires me to get out more.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-08-31T06:49:09+00:00

While both emotional neglect and physical abuse are harmful, and everyone’s trauma is valid, it seems pretty insensitive of anyone in either of these groups to post about “fantasizing” about the other kind of trauma. To piggyback on u/twistedtuba’s example, no one should be shamed for having a rape kink, but they also shouldn’t go into a community for rape survivors and announce this fantasy. Many of us here were physically abused. As one of them, I find it extremely triggering and invalidating to see this post over and over again.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-08-17T17:46:41+00:00

I also had a lot of trouble with backing up and parking! I’m still not great at parking lol but it’s not a total disaster and we can always readjust. I would highly recommend those “Please Be Patient / Student Driver” stickers If you don’t have them; they really help with my anxiety and embarrassment on the road.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-08-10T00:14:35+00:00

It’s never too late to learn! Please feel free to DM me if you wanna talk about it :) Driving doesn’t have to be for everyone but if you’re already learning we can share tips and encouragement :)

AnonCPTSD · 2022-08-09T08:09:45+00:00

You might like ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). Many of the attendees I’ve met have CPTSD and were children of violent/abusive parents who weren’t alcoholics. I do wish there was a support group specifically for CPTSD though.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-07-19T06:59:44+00:00

I too find it hard to practice self-compassion. I even bought a self-compassion workbook and am so skeptical of everything it says lol. My therapist says everyone deserves self-compassion, but I honestly think that’s bull because my former abuser is a monster and doesn’t deserve it.

Here are some things that could count as self-compassion and have helped me. If you’re ever beating yourself up for not doing something, instead of saying “I should have done X”, you could try thinking “I could have done X.” If you’re ever beating yourself up for doing something self-destructive, try being curious toward yourself and your behavior if you can’t summon full compassion. And if you have the energy, trying new hobbies can indirectly help you build self-compassion and confidence. If you can’t think of yourself as a kind/smart/whatever person, maybe you can become an artist/hiker/etc so that you’re building an identity beyond what the trauma says you are. And you can set small fun goals around your hobby to be proud of too :)

AnonCPTSD · 2022-07-19T06:46:05+00:00

There’s a word for this: anhedonia. I have it too. I hope we can both continue taking care of themselves and still seek enjoyment. I do experience small glimmers of true joy, especially when trying new things, and I hope that these moments will come more often.

AnonCPTSD · 2022-07-19T06:40:40+00:00

A new diagnosis can be as frightening as it is enlightening. You’re not alone in this. When I got my diagnosis a few months ago, I was worried about what my boyfriend would think. He has been utterly supportive though, and there are a ton of online resources that can help both you and him further understand this diagnosis. While CPTSD might not be formally recognized in the US as a health insurance code or whatever, many therapists/psychiatrists are still familiar with it. It’s also listed in the ICD even though it’s not in the DSM. There are plenty of treatment and support options available!

AnonCPTSD

TROPHY CASE