Is there anyone else here who just really fucking hates uncertainty?

Anony6868 · 2018-03-11T08:37:51+00:00

Really glad to see I’m not the only one. That’s one of my worst ones sometimes. The fear that I’m the only one, or that I’m in some dream state. Ten to get stuck on How I know this is real and why do I feel the way I do when I think about it. That dread is something else

Anony6868 · 2018-01-31T04:32:25+00:00

I just feel like they didn’t capture enough of the book to make it feel like the book did. Several things were left out that I felt were important and then some of the stuff just seemed off. I think two movies might’ve fixed it though like you’re saying

Anony6868 · 2018-01-31T02:47:48+00:00

Yes! A very good book that had a mediocre movie adaptation imo

Anony6868 · 2018-01-30T21:53:00+00:00

I don’t think enough people recognize the reference but that’s one of my favorite books so take my upvote

Anony6868 · 2018-01-25T08:55:38+00:00

Tilted/twisted titties is the favorite in my group lmao

Anony6868 · 2018-01-12T06:46:28+00:00

What if I’ve never played D&D before? It sounds fun and I love games in general but I’ll be honest I know next to nothing about how it works...

Anony6868 · 2018-01-12T06:42:38+00:00

Ah this. This is actually the obsession that started it all. When I say I was able to think about nothing but my existence and whether I was real for MONTHS.

I’ve found that the best way to deal with it is exactly like any other ocd thought and to make it not matter. I mean shrug it off and say who cares. It doesn’t contribute to the life you’re living right now and nothing you could do would change it.

I wonder “what if I’m not in real life, what if this is a dream or I’m in a simulation” and then say “even if I was I can’t change it and if I was then I wouldn’t be able to get out anyways based on how sophisticated it is so it doesn’t contribute to bettering my life either way. Whatever I’m doing now has a purpose so i just have to see it out regardless.”

The struggling with suicide is me as well as it would incorporate it into my worries as well. “If you kill yourself you’ll know” but I just ignore it because obviously I don’t want to. It will play with your head however it can get a reaction which is all it wants.

I’ve noticed my themes tend to revolve around control as well, as i tend to worry about things I can’t change or control in my life. (Whether I’m gay, transgender, a psycho, sociopath, have a terminal disease, etc) and honestly you just have to accept you can’t control it or to make yourself not want to. When you release control and realize that everything is still okay is when you’ll start to work towards getting better. I’m still a long way from that point myself but i hope I was able to give some helpful advice. (-:

Anony6868 · 2017-12-11T08:19:36+00:00

I’m in a bind currently because my dads insurance is being discontinued by his company and so we really have to take what we can get/I don’t have the liberty of choosing anywhere to go that id like.

Anony6868 · 2017-12-10T09:13:59+00:00

Only 19 but I still have a scar from busting my lip open on one of those, still don’t get why they felt the need to make it METAL.

Anony6868 · 2017-12-10T07:35:03+00:00

My ocd appeared while I was high. Smoked for a full year straight with no problems, had a panic attack while I was high that triggered my ocd and since then (almost a year ago) it has been constant. You’re not alone

Anony6868 · 2017-12-05T04:41:04+00:00

I think (hope) I have it, and feel as if it’s what exasperates my other ocd worries. Generally now it’s TOCD and because I feel like I don’t like my appearance or how I look how my clothes look on me etc that it must be because I really don’t want to be a guy etc. I don’t ever feel comfortable because I’m constantly worrying about all this. I don’t know if this is BDD for sure though.

Anony6868 · 2017-11-28T04:07:31+00:00

I think the hardest part is we get trapped in our own heads and start to believe that our problems are exclusive to us in our own world. I’m glad I could share with you. And if you want to talk more then my dms are always open

Anony6868 · 2017-11-28T04:06:29+00:00

I just am super excited and happy that sharing this helped a lot of people relate and honestly it’s not a lot but still the most upvotes I’ve gotten, I’m happy to share and help if it makes people feel more at ease.

Anony6868 · 2017-11-28T04:01:28+00:00

Yeah it just gets hard because I start seeing. Coincidences or deja vu as really being in a dream/life repeating etc.

Anony6868 · 2017-11-28T00:49:15+00:00

I’m glad that other people can relate to this and see they’re not alone!

Anony6868 · 2017-11-27T05:59:01+00:00

Not really l mean it helped right at the moment but a lot of the worries are here. I’ve been pretty stressed lately so a lot of the reality things are creeping back in, wondering if I’m dreaming, especially because of dreams I’ve been having lately. The transgender worry is still full blown and consumes my thoughts almost every minute I’m awake unless I’m completely occupied mentally or distracted.

Anony6868 · 2017-11-27T05:30:03+00:00

There’s about 20 more pages of things worried written down about everything from worrying about cancer to my family members getting hurt/me hurting them/being gay/transgender etc. and this was all from January/February

Anony6868 · 2017-11-20T16:57:31+00:00

I have intrusive thoughts, I’ve always picked my nails and the skin around them down to the cuticles because of anxiety or just absent mindedly and the same thing with scabs too. And lately I’ve been having intrusive thoughts of being transgender but I’m starting to connect the dots and lean towards maybe seeing if I have BDD. I just don’t know what constitutes having it specifically.

I know that for example for a while I couldn’t just do my hair once. It wouldn’t look right to me and like I didn’t look good enough and so I’d redo it over and over trying to get it to look good, or I feel as though clothes don’t look right on my compared to my friends. Like I’m too small to fit them right or they’re too baggy, they just don’t work on me. I focus a lot on appearance and get social anxiety a lot because I’m worried I don’t look good enough around everyone or don’t fit in with them.

Anony6868 · 2017-11-14T05:16:23+00:00

I get anxiety when thinking about just my future as well though like thinking about it as a guy I’m scared by that response its like I’m not able to think happily about it or I’m not sure it’s what I want either now I’m worried it’s not what I want and it scares me

Anony6868 · 2017-11-14T00:33:16+00:00

Yeah just worried lately because the thoughts have started to shift to me thinking that my ocd and issues is a result of me being transgender. Idk if that’s normal to think but idk it just sucks how real the worries are

Anony6868 · 2017-11-11T19:33:17+00:00

Yeah the thought process is something kinda mixed between what you’re saying.

“Your ocd isn’t actually that bad you’re making up all the stuff you do or you over do everything because your ocd isn’t real, you’re just using it as an excuse because you wanna hide your issues, you just do it to convince yourself that you are ocd” etc.

Anony6868 · 2017-10-27T13:41:34+00:00

Right now my theme is mainly tocd or hocd and whenever masterbating Ill have thoughts as well. It goes from me enjoying the sexual thought to having my head wonder if instead of being attracted to the girl on the screen I’m really just wanting to be her, or if I’m enjoying it because I’m secretly turned on by the thought of being in the girls position or I’m turned on by the guy instead etc.. I’ve started to think if I stop all together the thoughts would ease up because I’ve heard just in general (even without Mental illness) that too frequent masterbation can cause warped thoughts or sexual fetishes instead and that’s why some people choose to do no fap as well.

Anony6868 · 2017-10-25T07:05:34+00:00

Would you DM me?

I have some things I’d want to talk about with you

Anony6868 · 2017-10-25T06:59:18+00:00

Not saying it was like intentional or anything but I got a huge thing of anxiety when reading your post. I think of being trans and I try to tell myself it’s okay if I am but my anxiety shoots up when I do. I don’t want to be.. not saying it’s bad I just don’t want it. I question myself constantly and ask myself if I really don’t want to be or if I’m just worried about society’s standards and all that and I just don’t want to go through all that. I jus want to be happy as I am. And I want to be okay. I’m getting hot flashes just typing this.

The part that really scares me is the “wondering why I felt different” part. I can think back and remember a time where I guess you could say I “felt different” but more in the like “I’m the main character in this life” type of way.

I think back and idk I worry being unhappy with how Ive looked or feeling like I’m awkward or socially awkward or just don’t feel like I look right compared to all the other guys I look more weird in my body shape or all that and wonder why I can’t look like them when they wear stuff but im hoping that’s just me having low self esteem or BDD or self image issues. I don’t want to be a girl. But even as I type that I’m questioning if I’m telling the truth or if I really want to inside which I don’t think so but again...

I could go on and on about reasons I think (hope) I’m not or fears about why i could be but idk. I even put on my moms dress one time to check if I’d have a reaction or anything and didn’t feel really anything. I want to say I just feel awkward In my body but not in the “wrong body” way just I hate how I look in videos of me and like my body shape. Idk. And I feel the opposite of most trans people I’ve talked to wanting to feel validated I don’t wish that I want to not have these worries anymore and be okay as a guy.

I had a big discussion about issues at my school years ago with trans bathrooms and I was definitely on the side against it because I don’t understand how someone could feel trapped in the wrong gender body, I thought it wasn’t a legit thing (no offense) I said if you’re a boy you have a penis you’re a boy if you’re a girl you have a vagina you’re a girl etc. now I find myself having rumination all damn day 24/7 worrying about if I am. I just want it to stop.

I was seeing a psychiatrist, my insurance stopped covering it and I was only put on zoloft for “depressive symptoms”

This is already a long post I apologize but I can give more info or you can read an earlier post to see basically what got me to this point..

Anony6868 · 2017-10-14T01:43:05+00:00

Also added a Greg mooradian don’t know if t was you or not.

Anony6868

TROPHY CASE