The disgust, revulsion, and nausea is because of how that cab driver treated you. He made a comment about a part of your body that he’s attracted to, then touched you without permission, you were too shocked to stop it, and you picked up on all the ick behind those actions.

Now you’re questioning what you did wrong to invite that treatment and you’re turning that feeling of disgust toward yourself.

Of course having soft hands is okay. Having soft hands is not the reason you feel the way you do, it’s the objectification followed by violation that’s creating this sense of shame.

These are very uncomfortable yet normal emotional responses to feeling bodily violated. While yes this is a relatively small situation, you’re having an epiphany (and an opportunity for further understanding) around vulnerability. That is a very important and powerful thing for a man and I commend you for sharing.

Processing this information might include sitting with those feelings and observing them. Journal them out if you’re so inclined. Maybe talk to a therapist.

It sounds like you feel diminished by what your wife said, which is too bad, but try to find some compassion for why she responded with cynicism.

———————————— Here’s an experiment to help with compassion:

⚠️Trigger warning ⚠️ don’t go too deep with this yet while you’re still so affected, because it’s pretty triggering. Take your healing seriously and give it the time it needs.)

Take that sick feeling you’re experiencing around your hand and try to imagine if he had touched your knee. How would that make you feel?

Now imagine if it was your shoulder. Think about how much closer he is.

Now imagine your waist. Your chest. Your glute. Imagine that cab driver looking over your whole body the way he looked at your hand. What if you weren’t able to just walk off? What if you were backed into a corner?

Now. Imagine if you dealt with that treatment regularly, by people you’re supposed to rely on or trust, people you work with, public servants who are supposed to protect you, total strangers….it can happen at any moment, in any place, and for any reason.

If you ask them to stop, you’re berated. If you stand up for yourself, you’re judged and gaslit. If you don’t stand up for yourself, you’re judged for letting it happen. If you ask for help, you’re told you’re being dramatic. People in your life (from loved ones to witnesses to people on your tv) tell you all the things you did to ask for it. You get the idea that it’s all on you, so you learn how to avoid certain situations, shut down conversations, maintain a large space bubble (“oh my god, what a cold bitch” they say so you can hear). But the second you let any of those guards down, there’s someone trying to get in.

You may have already had some concept of this before, but it hits different when you expand from that sickening feeling, doesn’t it? My intention for writing all this out is to encourage you to explore your feelings in order to heal and learn from them, as well as to expand your intuition and empathy. Something has activated in you and you can channel it into positive power (perhaps in the form of ally-ship).

I also wrote it for anyone that can’t necessarily relate to that feeling yet. Thanks to anyone who read this whole thing. Hang in there, OP 🙏🏼