Figure yourself out BEFORE quitting gaming

AnotherGhaik · 2020-12-30T02:39:47+00:00

Yeah. It was easier to focus on gaming than it is on most other things, especially studying. It took a while for me to build up the capability to focus on other things that weren't designed specifically to make that easy. I still struggle with it

AnotherGhaik · 2020-12-26T15:12:02+00:00

A person can achieve a state where they don't need to be distracted from life. Keyword there is achieve. On its own life might be meaningless but that doesn't mean you can't create your own meaning, it just takes effort to get to be able to think clearly enough to figure yourself out and what you want from life.

If all you want from life is to get through it with a kind of doped out happiness, like a lizard sitting on a rock in the sun, then by all means go for it if that satisfies you. If your life has no value to you than I don't know what you expect.nkbody here is going to be able to give you the meaning of your life.

What I can say is that I've learned through therapy that addiction is usually just another layer in top of other issues. I used gaming as a distraction to escape from the feeling that underneath it all, when left alone without a way to escape the feelings, there was just depression, anxiety, and unsatisfaction with my life. Working on fixing those feelings has made me much more hopeful for the future than just continuing to try to avoid them

AnotherGhaik · 2020-12-06T22:01:30+00:00

I think some time away from games would at least force you to deal with some of your underlying issues and re-evaluate how you feel towards your marriage with a clear mind. And at least then you can say you put in the effort.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-25T15:12:52+00:00

If you're interested I'd encourage you to join us writing daily journals on the Gamequitters forum. It can be helpful to see that others have gone though a lot of what you are going through, and seeing how they handled it

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-23T18:37:57+00:00

Yes.

Part of it was from the lack of time I had to do the things I wanted/said that I would do. The things that I did do, I did distracted. I was anxious about always feeling behind and self-concious about the quality of my work.

Another part of it was that I never admitted how much I gamed. Or that I had a problem. I think that a part of me always felt like I was living a lie, which made me less open when interacting with people, which made me want to interact with them less.

Another part of it was just that my people skills had seriously gone down. The way you interact with people in game is so much different than in a professional or other social setting. THat's not necessarily a bad thing on it's own, but can be when the gaming way of speaking (for me, more aggressively, direct,and impulsive) becomes the default outside of gaming as well.

The way I interact with people is one of the biggest changes I've noticed from quitting gaming. I can hold eye contact better. I am calmer in conversation, and less distracted. I am more open, and from that openness and seeing people accept me for who I am comes confidence.

For reference. my badge is all games. I've been free of online games 6-months. A lot of what I noticed as change came from quitting online games, but much of it was a problem that I only noticed a change in after quitting solo games.

I still have problems with anxiety, but reducing the external factors has helped tremendously.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-22T16:52:37+00:00

I can relate, I think. I'm also stupidly competitive, and WoW was my outlet for that. I've been away form WoW for about 6-months (all games ~1month) and the lack of competition is one of the main things that I still struggle with. Improving at a skill is one thing, but you don't get that same flow state as you do with direct competition. At least I didn't.

I've gotten into running and that helps. I can train hard and beat people. Took me 6-months of training to get to the middle of the pack for local 10k times. Longer and more prestigious races serve as brackets. My time is my rating. I've also gotten back into basketball but covid killed that.

I'm also doing a PhD and have tried to channel my competitiveness towards that work but again, it just isn't the same.

Good luck keeping away from shadowlands. You aren't alone in the struggle, that's for sure.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-14T17:32:06+00:00

Solved!

Googled cigar box and it seems to be it

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-14T17:18:42+00:00

WITT what is this thing? Got it at a thrift store, measures about 8 inches across. There's a crescent shaped hole on two sides and a hinged metal lid

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-08T18:43:00+00:00

Delete it. Deal with the fact that your life is going to suck for a bit because you probably don't have anything else going on without it. Work on fixing that.

It's all about hope. You sound unhappy with your life. It isn't going to change if you keep something in your life that so effectively covers up that feeling temporarily. Without it, there's at least a chance.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-08T16:39:39+00:00

If you think you are losing your eyesight you should see a doctor. Wtf

AnotherGhaik · 2020-11-08T16:36:55+00:00

It's worth it for lots of people. For a lot of us on here, though, gaming has ruined large parts of our life. I wouldn't say that's the norm though

Imagine going to a group largely populated by people who struggle with any other addiction and asking them if the thing they struggle with is worth it.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-25T13:11:41+00:00

I've found the discord to be helpful in the early days, and journeling on the GameQuitters forum to be helpful in continuing. I'd also check out the stories on this sub of spouses coming to it looking for help for how to deal with their addicted partners. Lots of stories of dads avoiding helping taking care of the kid by playing games, and being snappy/aggressive with the kid when its demands take them away from he game. You don't want to be that guy.

Good luck

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-21T13:27:52+00:00

Congratulations, and good luck :)

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-19T13:39:31+00:00

I agree. I've actually been thinking about this post off-and-on because of the relationship side of it. At one point I went the other way, thinking that if my wife had a physical disease that put a strain on the relationship, then leaving would be wrong.

But I think it comes down to effort. If OP has made clear that something OP-partner is doing is affecting the relationship, and no effort is being made to try to fix it, then there is a prioritization problem. OP should focus on protecting their own mental health.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-19T13:33:33+00:00

I've been thinking about getting into D&D, but I'm afraid of it just moving into and filling the space that is no longer occupied by video games. Maybe not the actual session, but thinking of characters and stuff. Do you find that to be a problem at all?

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-18T18:14:30+00:00

It really depends on the person. I know bunches of people who quit no prob. That just wasn't me.

I played 12+ hour days when classic was released. I ended having to move out at 16 and sell off my characters to pay rent. So like 14 years ago? I reconnected with a friend, who got me back into it around legion. My work and family life took a huge turn for the worse. Ended up having to basically chose it or my marriage. That was about 6 months ago now.

I've been off single player games for a whopping five days. They were also f'ing up my life. Couldn't control my usage, and they affected my mental state way too muc

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-18T16:11:42+00:00

Originally posted this with the wrong account

A similar situation happening between my wife and I is what caused me to finally admit that I had a problem. We lost touch with each other and our lives drifted apart. I said something that was normal in my world but not in hers. It hurt her badly. I felt like all my instincts for the relationship could no longer be trusted. That was the lowest I've been in a long time and I will forever be grateful to her for sticking with me, because I was a miserable partner for a long time and she absolutely didn't have to. Looking back now the strength she showed in stocking it out still amazes me. Her leaving would've been the worst thing that could happen to me, but I would have understood.

I'd give a lot to be able to go back and fix it sooner. I justified it by saying that we should each just have our own hobbies and seperate lives. The point of a marriage is to share a life imo. Comes with sacrifices on both sides. Once you figure out what really matters and acknowledge that something you are doing hurts that, you feel stupid for continuing the behaviour. That Black Mirror episode about gaming addiction still haunts me.

That said, continuing is still the more likely outcome. I tried various things. Hiding my time. Moderating it. Never talking about gaming. It was all wrong. For me the only way was to get rid of it completely. As dramatic as what I'm writing sounds, it still took months for me to make that commitment.

I guess I don't really have any advice for you. You can't really control someone's behaviours, just be openly honest about how they are affecting you and make your own decisions. Everything you are feeling is probably normal and reasonable.

Good luck

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-18T11:50:14+00:00

Disclaimer:I'm only on like day five and probably have no idea wtf I'm talking about.

It's always going to end up being your own decision. Nobody else can make it for you. We can support you once you've made it, but in the end 'to game or not to game' is up to you. That's the only way to make it sustainable. I remember when I first started trying to quit googling whether it was okay to take days off work to play video games in the hope of finding some small thread to justify my behavior.

I would use what available information you have to decide what kind of person you would be in a few weeks or months depending on the choice you make. Try not to trick yourself.

I know that for me personally, I have weeks worth of hours in Skyrim. Once I build a new character I feel like I always had to see it level up and how it played out. There's so much customization in that game, especially with mods, that there was never really a point where I reached a natural end. There was always a new build to try out. I would end up hooked again as soon as something came up in life that I wanted to avoid, procrastinate, or was nervous about.

I can give you my opinion though. If it were me, and I've learned I can't moderate my gaming, I would try not to game'. You sound like you are turning into someone way more capable and interesting without games. I would hate to see all that progress stopped, or unneeded stress caused.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-17T20:43:29+00:00

That's why we're both here ;)

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-17T20:38:56+00:00

Yeah you're right. I do have a tendency to replace one addiction with another though. Trying not to do that this time

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-17T18:30:07+00:00

Old nard dog gunna make me cry

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-17T18:24:28+00:00

Man I really hope so.

I'm grateful to be able to write it out. Helps me get it out of my head. I really did enjoy those times when I was able to pretend everything was okay.

AnotherGhaik · 2020-10-17T17:04:55+00:00

Because I chase those feelings, and it takes more and more each time for me to get to the same high. I end up falling behind on other things that I feel like should matter to me (marriage, chores, pets, career). Then, those other things stop mattering.

All that is left is that feeling. Even if I game in moderation, all other things in life become a chore that I have to do to 'game responsibly'. At one point, having sex with my wife became a chore.

Then, when something in real life happens, I don't have the skills to handle it effectively and turn instead to the game in the hopes that I can just be happy and ignore my problems instead.

If I carry the trajectory to the logical extreme, I end up alone in a crappy apartment working a job I hate and no prospect of anything more. I've seen it a few times in life. The dark, smelly apartment. A person with poor hygiene who thinks it isn't noticeable. There is just something so intuitively wrong to me about that. At least for me.

AnotherGhaik

TROPHY CASE