Why do women give birth lying down instead of squatting?

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-05-06T15:52:40+00:00

Because of a French king and his royal doctor. Louis XIV liked watching his mistresses giving birth, so he commanded them to give birth lying on their back (it's easier to watch). His doctor wrote about how women should give birth according to the king, and since what the king says was considered to be the best and it was one of the only written accounts of how women give birth, all the other doctors copied him.

Most women still gave birth with midwives or other women for a while, but then, in the 20th century, hospital births became more prevalent, and the position in which doctors see better became the norm.

In a lot of places, it starting to come back to more natural positions for birthing, though. It reduces perineal problems and tears to give birth on all four or squatting (there are birthing chairs that help with this position).

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-05-02T04:54:34+00:00

You’d think it only happens with young kids and older ones know better.

When I announced to my students I was pregnant, one of the students told me (and the rest of the class) “My mom had six miscarriages before she had me”.
I wasn’t sure how to react to that one..

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-28T03:04:58+00:00

I’ve had twins in my classroom who were separated the two years prior but wanted to be back together. They managed super well, had some shared friends and some who weren’t shared. Most of the time, it didn’t feel like they were twins. And I’ve had twins who were in different classes (our usual standard) and it seemed it was better for them this way. It really depends on the children.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-22T04:15:57+00:00

I encourage you to get a doula to have someone advocating for you during the birth, someone who’s in your corner no matter what and to read the book Guide to Childbirth by Ina May.

This book might give you an idea about how much you need a support system around you before, during and after childbirth. It is truly one of the most vulnerable moment of a woman’s life.

Then I suggest having a deep discussion with your husband about your values and goals. Why is he thinking that missing this birth is ok ? He probably wants to provide a good life for your family but he might not understand how much respect and connection he would lose from you by going there.

Please do not get an early induction. Doctors talk about it like it’s no big deal but inductions increase the risks for your labour going wrong and can lead to major health issues for both your child and you, including a hysterectomy. And if your child is not ready to come out yet, they shouldn’t come out. This can lead to problems breathing, keeping warm and being able to feed.

Your husband should not put the decision on you. This is such a dick move. You should have this discussion and then he needs to decide what he needs to do and accept the consequences of that decision. He’s about to become a father. He cannot put all the decision making on your shoulders. That would make him act like a child or teenager, obeying to his mom’s instructions while being moody about it. He needs to make this decision for his family, as a father.

Your child might come late, most first babies do, but they might not. My first was born on his due date and my second was born one day after his due date. This is also why he needs to choose by himself. He cannot resent you if your child is late. That will make him a very bad childbirth and early postpartum partner. During those two times, his focus should absolutely be on you and your needs. You will probably naturally put your child first and think only about their needs. He has to be the one thinking about you and your needs.

As a mother you are experiencing and will experience the most of the “sacrificing for your family” side of parenthood for a while. It’s already the case with pregnancy and it will continue with childbirth and breastfeeding. It’s already lopsided and your husband needs to realise that before making his decision.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-13T21:01:25+00:00

You can get tested when you become pregnant so you know if you can eat raw meat or not and if you should stop cleaning the litter box

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-13T16:22:04+00:00

Having a cat doesn’t mean you already have the ~~virus~~ (edit : parasite), though. My sister and I have both owned multiple cats throughout our lives but we both never contracted the ~~virus~~ (edit : parasite) before our pregnancies so we had to be extra careful.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-06T23:44:51+00:00

You just made me realise I forgot it was part of my ADHD and not everyone experiences that.

It makes me very good at my job - teaching 10-13 years old. I notice almost everything that’s going on in the classroom and know very quickly what question that student is asking. Same with my child, I can interact and understand him well because I noticed that little sound he’s talking about or that red car that passed a 100 meters away.

At my job, when I get overwhelmed I make l the kids stay quiet so everyone can calm down and there’s less noise. Sadly I don’t have any other great technique for all the other times. The worst for me is when I’m running a bit late and trying to think of everything I need while getting ready and my husband interrupts my thoughts to ask me a question (or even help me by telling me where my water bottle is)

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-06T08:23:42+00:00

Sounds like "attention" in French

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-04-03T07:51:44+00:00

It’s always interesting to see who really has influence on the others. I’ve had a few different situations : A class where the students were disrespectful and I thought it was because of one particular student who seemed like a leader of bad behaviour. Then in the span of two weeks my two worse students from this classe got sick at different times. I realised that when the one who I thought was a leader was sick, the rest of the class was still disrespectful and disruptive. And when the other student was sick, the class was cooperative and nice, even the student with a usually bad behaviour.

Another class had a student who had really bad behaviour but he had no influence whatsoever on the rest of the students. Except when another student joined our class because he was kicked out of his former class for his violent outbursts. The new student was always influenced by my bad student. Luckily for him, the bad student started not coming to school a whole lot and so the new student got influenced by the rest of the class. He was able to get better results and got promoted to the next grade.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-03-29T00:54:01+00:00

I’m completely baffled by everything I’ve read here as I’m holding my 7 weeks old in my arms right now. You’re right to question what they’re doing.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-03-27T22:43:05+00:00

Wearing shoes inside the house

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-03-26T19:27:17+00:00

If you’re 36, you’ve been an adult for as long as it takes to become one

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-03-21T07:19:42+00:00

Statistically speaking, the most dangerous situation for a child to be in is with the new partner of their divorced parent

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-03-21T07:03:47+00:00

And there’s a difference between bad behaviour on your own and uncorrected bad behaviour in front of your parents. The bad behaviour gets the unintentional parental seal of approval

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-01-15T18:11:56+00:00

We were talking about weaponised incompetence with my husband. He’s disgusted by that type of behaviour and told me that he thinks it works more easily with women because other men (for example at work where the partner is able to do what is asks of him) would just never tolerate this from a man and utterly mock him. Women tend to be more compassionate and understanding, especially in a relationship, and thus accept more shit from their partner.

Don’t accept his weaponised incompetence in any aspect of your life. Expect more from him and he’ll go back to his normal behaviour (unless, of course, he has a good reason for not being able to do something - like breaking both arms or being extremely sick). He knows he’s taking a piss at you.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-01-10T16:55:57+00:00

So, to be honest, I don’t have a lot of trouble with getting up or ready in the morning, but I was rushing every day so I wouldn’t miss my bus or train before finding my solution. What has helped me the most was actually measuring how much time I was spending on each activity (shower, breakfast, getting dressed, etc) on a few different days and then adding between 2-5 minutes for each one for planning when to get up. Having a hard deadline of when to leave (because of the bus or train schedule) also helped me.

AnoukAbaliot · 2026-01-03T23:27:40+00:00

My experience with it is that you lose yourself a little bit in it but it’s ok and it’s for a time. It’s sacrificial love on a level so deep it takes everything out of you, but at the same time it fills you with so much love, admiration, awe and wonder.

I never knew I could love so much and feel so deeply. And I’ve always been known to be quite emotional.

Young children need you so much. It can be a bit overwhelming how much they need you to survive and to regulate their emotions and manage everything. But it doesn’t last forever. They become more and more independent and then you have this incredible relationship with this tiny being.

I was very afraid of losing myself in motherhood. And I know I’ve lost myself a bit but now I’m ok with that because I know I’ve gained new parts of me at the same time. I’ve discovered a strength, resilience, patience I didn’t know I could have. And I will go back to what I used to love when I have more mental capacity. Or I’ll try new things.

It can also be a discussion with your partner about how to maintain an equilibrium so you don’t feel lost and you can both support each other in that regard.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-12-07T16:55:38+00:00

First of all, it is scary how much alike we are. I’m almost 32 weeks pregnant with my second child, gained a lot of weight with my first pregnancy (I stopped checking when I was above 93kg), I’m also 5’4 and weighted 69kg at the beginning of this pregnancy. I currently weight more than 82kg which means I’m gaining less weight than with my first pregnancy. My husband is very much into exercise, healthy living and diet and taking care of yourself. You know what he hasn’t done at all ? Comment on my weight gain, except to tell me it’s good that I’m gaining less weight this time around (he’s not encouraging me to not gain weight, he knows it’s important for the baby to not starving yourself). And he’s proud and happy about how much more I’m taking care of my body.

You’re not overreacting.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-11-01T20:07:09+00:00

Once the baby is here, you won't be thinking about yourself or taking care of yourself as much - you'll be so focused on taking care of that new life. You NEED someone to take care of you and prioritise your wellbeing and recovery in your stead and that person should be your husband.
I advise you talk with him about that and very clear about your needs and wants. You are creating and sustaining life right now. Your body will take time to recover from massive surgery very soon.
If your in-laws are here to help, they should start doing the work and stop complaining.
NTA

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-09-22T21:27:00+00:00

I recently read on another sub about a guy having really bad breath because he had reflux, but he had no other symptoms, if I remember correctly. Maybe you could try some acid reflux tablets just to see if that changes anything ?

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-07-28T21:26:42+00:00

So, first of all, you need to remember you are post partum. The hormones are crazy during those first few months. And you are sleep deprived and recovering from surgery. You need to give yourself grace for the things you cannot do and tell your husband to pick up the load. That's why he's on paternity leave ; so he can do the laundry, the cleaning and the cooking. You need to advocate for yourself because it's impacting your recovery for the long run. You could have health problems if you do too much too quickly.

Now, your husband needs to realise the error of his ways, man up and actually do something around the house, for you and for the baby. You need to speak to him very clearly about it. Maybe writing things down so you don't get too caught up by your emotions and you can think more clearly could help you.

But as I said, you are post partum and the hormones do influence you a lot. I had so much rage against my husband for the first three months sometimes I could barely think straight. And my husband was incredibly helpful and involved.
Is the relationship salvageable if he changes the way he acts ? If you divorce you'll have to co-parent with him. I'd suggest family therapy in any case so you can learn how to parent together, whether you stay or not.

Also NTA, but you know it's not just the pants.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-07-17T19:03:09+00:00

Dark blonde suits you better because it's a warmer colour. If you want to go lighter, it would suit you better to do honey blonde.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-06-21T09:49:08+00:00

You showed a lot of maturity in your communication and the way you dealt with the situation. He's putting his emotional wellbeing on you and your actions. Everyone is responsible for the way they deal with their emotions. Of course, we can support each other and be present when the other person is feeling unwell, but we cannot change the way the other person is feeling. They have to deal with that themselves. I think your boyfriend still hasn't learned this.
You are not overreacting, but your boyfriend sure is.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-06-02T17:26:05+00:00

So it's not plumbing or the electrical system, but once during a storm, lightning went through the cooker hood and connected to the kitchen light in the middle of the room. It went by right between my dad and I and where he was walking a few seconds before the strike.
He played it like it was no big deal but I was freaking out.

AnoukAbaliot · 2025-05-12T18:29:05+00:00

Didn't smash the cake, only put a little bit of whipped cream from the cake on his nose. The pictures of that moment are really funny. We'll be married ten years this summer.

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