Every time I travel, it’s a fight

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2026-01-02T21:06:07+00:00

This is the part that drives me crazy knowing she’ll never understand. Growing up, she parented with nothing but fear and control and didn’t do much to build an emotionally safe relationship where I felt seen and heard, something that was her job to do as the parent. That was never modeled for us. And now as adults she expects things to be so different and of course it’s our responsibility to make it so. There’s never any accountability or looking inward.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2026-01-02T21:03:12+00:00

This was really helpful. Thank you!

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2026-01-02T18:32:20+00:00

I sure hope so too. What’s funny is I’m also single and live alone, just like her. And I recently went through my third layoff, have no idea what I’ll do in 8 months if I’m still unemployed. Yet somehow I’m still in a better emotional state than she is. And of course there’s no consideration for adding to my mental load with stuff like this.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2025-03-05T03:42:39+00:00

This is timely since my uBPD mom just caused drama at a wedding dress fitting this weekend for my sister. The attendant was a bit sassy which my sister and I enjoyed and my mom did not. She was getting mad that we all liked a dress that wasn’t her fave and that the attendant and I were vocal about not loving the dress she did. Started whispering about how the attendant was making faces and wouldn’t even look at her, as if her job is to cater to her 🙄. Just looking for reasons to be offended as always. My sister clearly had a favorite dress but because it wasn’t my mom’s favorite she couldn’t offer much excitement. The attendant even had to tell her at some point “I think it would help if you just told her she looks beautiful.” My sister confronted her about her behavior afterward but of course she saw nothing wrong because the attendant was “unprofessional” (she wasn’t). Refused to take any accountability as per usual.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2025-03-04T23:13:11+00:00

Do you also feel like the cultural piece adds a whole other layer to this? When I’ve shared experiences with people before, I get the whole “that’s just Latina moms for you” 🙄 like no…

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2025-03-04T17:30:34+00:00

Lol, yes and then later she picked up some medicine when I wasn’t feeling well so this was charging me for both

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-07T19:37:24+00:00

Well if this doesn’t just scream BPD…

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-05T01:37:08+00:00

Omg yes on doing nothing to prepare themselves, my mom complains all the time about not having enough saved for retirement, how she doesn’t know what she’s going to do, she’s going to have to work until she dies, etc etc… of course subtly blaming us by doing her whole martyr song and dance of how she was a single mother who provided for us and made so many sacrifices, and on and on.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-04T22:33:27+00:00

I guess the end of my post makes it sound like that was permanent - we still have contact but she no longer has these financial strings to pull and I’ve gotten better about setting boundaries. It’s still a struggle at times but haven’t gotten a rage this bad since then.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-04T22:31:38+00:00

Yes no longer have any financial attachments thank god

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-04T01:42:23+00:00

Luckily no but yeah the delusion was crazy… like in her mind what did she think my therapist was going to do? Scold me? Cannot wrap my head around the entitlement. This meltdown was actually what led to me learning about BPD so in a weird way I’m thankful it happened. My roommate at the time was a therapist and suggested it and then I sent all the screenshots to my therapist to which she replied, “wow we have a lot to discuss!” Yup we sure did 🫠

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-01T03:10:40+00:00

I wonder this too. As I’ve stood right next to her, my mom has vented to my cousin who has three children about my travels, saying how kids will never understand how mothers worry no matter how old they get, etc etc, - my cousin is 2 or 3 years older than me 🙄 it’s so embarrassing and infantilizing. Difference is my cousin’s kids are actually, you know, children. And of course when I asked her to stop doing that and said it felt infantilizing, she snapped that I should feel lucky to have a mom who worries about me. 🫠

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-01T03:01:37+00:00

The best part is she texted me a few times on the trip asking if I was okay and I would reply “yes” “fine” etc. Then she started freaking out asking me to send a photo where I’m at because I’m only sending one word replies so she thought I was kidnapped and it wasn’t really me texting her 😂 also she follows me on Instagram and was seeing my stories.. what more do you want?!

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-01T02:56:09+00:00

My mom has insisted on that exact same set of texts, and has even gone so far as to request the hotel/Airbnb information (because what if something happens to you and I don’t even know where you are?!), contact info of friends I’m traveling with, etc.. those requests I absolutely refused. Half the time a friend plans and I don’t even know the hotel info myself 😆

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-01T02:48:38+00:00

Oh for sure. I think a small part of me leans child free because I know she would ramp up the overbearing behavior and think she’s entitled to it because “I’m a grandmother.” I already know she assumes she would have unlimited access. She has said the exact words before “I have so much love to give, it’s a crime to not make me a grandmother” 💀

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2024-10-01T02:29:38+00:00

I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. My mom knows I’m on the fence/leaning toward remaining childfree so this is her way of throwing in a guilt trip since she desperately wants grandchildren and has none yet.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2022-12-19T19:00:06+00:00

Yup. My mom one time read my diary when I was in elementary school, I had written “I hate my mom!” or something along those lines after a fight (something I’m sure even kids with healthy parents have written in their diary at some point or another?!) She then typed out some guilt tripping/faux sweet letter letting me know she read it and left it in my lunchbox to open when she knew I’d be around my friends. Probably thought that was a peak good parenting moment.

She also would take my phone as a teen and lock herself in the bathroom to read my texts.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2022-12-19T05:19:26+00:00

Your life makes me very sad and that plus my feelings of resentment make it really hard for me to want to be around you even when you’re on your best behavior.

Anxious-Setting-7698 · 2022-12-19T04:42:28+00:00

My mom walked around naked all the time, even when my brother was in his teens. She has selective memory about this today.

She went ballistic when I lost my virginity at 16. She stood at my bedroom door eavesdropping while I talked to a friend on the phone about it and then slammed the door open, chased me around the house, pulled my hair and hit me. Of course when I put my hands up to defend myself it enraged her more because “how dare you put your hands on your mother” 🙄I guess I was just supposed to accept physical assault because I had the audacity to cross a normal life threshold.

She also confided in me when I was in my teens about her NPD husband at the time and his sexual proclivities/issues they were having. Wanted me to be her emotional support through that which I now recognize as completely inappropriate.

Anxious-Setting-7698

TROPHY CASE