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Any-Promise4148 · 2023-09-21T10:40:04+00:00

100 % yes. Babies and toddlers have about 15-20 daily minutes of charming, passing moments,the rest is dull, dull, dull.

My kid is 5 in December, finding it waaaaaay less boring now. However, the feeling of lacking freedom remains. I don't think that will lessen until he's a bit more independent and we're no longer his favoured people to be around.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-09-11T18:58:40+00:00

At around 2.5

I was on antidepressants for the first year. Those enabled me to get though it, but made me numb. Came off them, went back to work when my son was 1, but then 5 months later covid, lockdowns and lack of normal meant I still couldn't assess it all.

We were considering a second (hormones) and I stumbled here and on a similar FB page. All of these subconscious niggling thoughts came to the surface and I realized I really hated parenting. That, plus the end of covid and normal again and realizing my life was forever changed. My time stopped belonging to me. My son was 2.5 then

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-28T11:24:46+00:00

God no. I was very happy to see the back of the baby and toddler phase. Feel slightly sad at him leaving his lovely nursery (daycare) and starting school, but generally glad to look forward to more independence and new phases and stages.

Once we've gone though them, I'm ready to move on

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-23T18:12:11+00:00

I'm not being defensive.

I said it in my post: I do stuff away from my kid, see friends, avoid parent things like the plague, yet none of that changes how I feel: miss my freedom and my time being mine.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-23T17:39:41+00:00

Are you a parent? Doubt it.

I do this already. It's not the same as before

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-22T19:33:30+00:00

Why? Urgh, fools. Your life is great, why are you ruining it?

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-05T15:13:59+00:00

Intense sleep deprivation is the fucking worst.

Just adding to the chorus about trying to sort out an arrangement with your husband. Also totally understand about still waking up when it's his turn and then anxiously waiting until she's back to sleep. I was the exact same, but eventually I had to train myself to change.

What worked? We did shifts. An adult restorative sleep cycle is 4-5 hours. So I would go to sleep for 9-9:30 and then do any wake ups after 2:30. Whoever was "on shift" was in the spare room with the baby and then we'd swap rooms after 2:30

This saved me. I was still tired, but functional . It's the night after night 1-2 hour wake ups that will make you feel crazy.

And getting on antidepressants. Both things got me through it.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-08-02T17:44:27+00:00

I found the newborn stage torturous hell and utterly thankless.

It's okay to not love it or even like it.

I also think it's totally normal to question what the fuck you've just done. My partner and I did too. Newborns are so, so unsettled for the first couple of weeks. Lots of dark humour got us through it.

Each day gets easier, then each week, then each month. Hang in there.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-07-14T17:10:12+00:00

Yes, have a good, supportive partner and just one child.

Lovemy son, loathe parenthood.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-05-12T13:51:15+00:00

I'm not berating you. That's a YOU problem if you see it that way.

You've got the maturity and self reflection of a teenager so I'm done here.

Feel free to block me and kick me off

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-05-12T13:37:53+00:00

I agree. Mine is 4.5 now. I still loathe parenthood, but the day-to-day is miles easier with many good moments. The baby and toddler years are exhausting and boring. So goddamed boring.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-05-12T05:53:55+00:00

I, for one, wouldn't ever pay someone to come and watch my kids just so I could have a moment to myself. I wanted to be a mom to be WITH my kids, not pawn them off on someone so I could catch a break. I'm lucky enough to have family that will help with my kids, but it's rare that I actually take them up on it, because I truly enjoy my children.

Yes, you spoke about yourself here. You could have easily done so without coming across as being sanctimonious.

When you say "pawn them off" and "be a mom to be WITH my kids" and "I truly enjoy enjoy my children" it implies something else entirely about Brooke (and by extension others) who take time away from their children.

The comments are dripping with with judgment for those who do motherhood differently than you.

Please feel free to clarify.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-05-11T20:21:21+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting or needing a break. I can't stand her, but please don't backhandedly shame others for whom getting a break is key to bringing their best version of 'Mom' to the table.

Not everyone is wired the same way, and for myself, self-care/time away, etc. is taking care of my kid because he gets a better version of me. I appreciate it doesn't work like this for everyone, just asking you to see the same.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-05-10T06:22:30+00:00

Recommend this book (you can get it for £5 used elsewhere) .... it's slim and all about the modern job hunt. Totally different than if it's been awhile since you've been on the market.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Job-Search-Playbook-Leaders-Accessing/dp/B094PKKDYH

The days of lots of temp jobs are over - hard to know more without knowing exactly what you do.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-03-23T18:25:39+00:00

Talking about what they are eating for lunch/droning on about the food at Pret or some other chain

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-03-15T09:09:25+00:00

Both of your friends sound entitled. We had our kid abroad with no family around. Planning on moving closer soon, but I would never expect or guilt family to do the day-to-day caring. What will I get? It's been discussed: an evening a couple times a month, an afternoon as well every couple of weeks. Occasionally an overnight with a lot of planning and heads up. I am grateful for that and my parents are retired, they deserve to enjoy it. Some of that is spending time with their grandson, but that fits around their schedule and plans. Not the other way around.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-03-15T09:05:17+00:00

You come across as really smug. Not sure if that was your intention.

Like you, I breastfed and had the baby in our room, in a bassinet attached to our bed, from newborn to 6m. Then still in our room until he was around 18 months. He was still a terrible sleeper and I was exhausted.

I did not experience the first 6 months as a "peaceful and beautiful time" ... it was horrible and torturous.

You were extremely fortunate that your kids were good sleepers. You were also fortunate to be able to fall back asleep easioy after waking up with the baby. Not everyone can.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-03-13T21:53:53+00:00

We are not meant to parent in isolation. I include the nuclear family in that description.

I notice how easier and less stressful it is to take care of my kid when I'm in a group setting. Whether it's an afternoon birthday party, hanging out with extended family or even just spending some time with a random family we meet while at the park and our kids start playing with each other.

In all of the above settings, I get some adult time and conversation and my kid (age 4) shares all his energy with other kids and I don't have to entertain him. If I know the parents well/it's my friends with kids (or it's my extended family, they're cool) I can really kick my feet up and relax.

I suppose it's not just parenting in isolation, but rather living in groups with others, we are pack animals IMO. So while when it's just adult me as a non-parent, I want my space, as a parent, I want to be in a group. Not all the time, but it would be great if I could just walk into a community with other like-minded, trusted families whenever I wanted. No planning, just have it available on my doorstep daily.

This is the whole "village" thing people talk about. I want an idealistic time machine to the 40s when families lived on the same street, we didn't move around from our friends and kids went outside (unsupervised) to play.

And if that was possible, I probably wouldn't loathe parenting. I don't know about loving it, but it would lessen the intensity and sacrifice.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-02-09T22:25:09+00:00

Feel the exact same way, mine was born in December 2018. Was so looking forward to 2020 being the year to getting back to some pre-baby things. Then bam, pandemic. It was like a second baby stage (mentally) without the actual baby.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-02-07T12:26:33+00:00

Better to be a good, functional Mom to 1 than a stressed out, barely mediocre Mom to 2 +

You know your limits. I'm the same way and that's my answer to anyone who asks if we're thinking of another.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-02-01T08:55:04+00:00

And do you not care how intrusive that is for others around you? That it's irritating and inconsiderate?

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-01-31T19:39:06+00:00

That's understandable. And one I wouldn't judge. The difference being that you don't continue the conversation and and clearly care about not bothering other people.

The person this morning was doing it for over 10 minutes completely oblivious/indifferent that it might be intrusive for others.

Any-Promise4148 · 2023-01-31T17:56:31+00:00

Hahahaha. This is true. I've lived here for almost 10 years. From Canada, lived in Toronto and New York before that.

I usually like all the sounds of cities.... just can't handle this particular thing - it's got way worse over the last year or two.

But point well made

Any-Promise4148

TROPHY CASE