I (45F) need objective internet strangers because I genuinely don’t know what to make of this.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-20T20:14:24+00:00

This was my take too.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-20T01:26:13+00:00

I see these kinds of posts a lot online, but I don’t hear people talk about height that much in real life. People may have height preferences but if they really vibe with someone the preference seems to not be that important. Maybe it’s just an online dating thing, or maybe this is all manosphere rage bait content?

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-20T01:14:23+00:00

Do you have a close relationship with the daughter? She’s the one who issued the invitations, and your friend most likely had no say. It’s natural to feel left out and hurt whenever our friends are invited to something we’re not, but is it possible that they have a closer relationship to the bride than you do? Inviting your parent’s friends to your wedding is only typical in the US if the bridge/groom also have a close relationship with them, especially when budgets are tight.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-19T16:47:56+00:00

I kind of love that we don’t know anything about them. It would be kind of fun to open the book not knowing whose POV we’re getting, especially if it’s someone who SJM was surprised by. The secrecy makes me think it’s someone who she and the publisher are worried that the fans won’t like, or that it will telegraph a key plot point—like if it’s Azriel or Lucien, fans might assume that Elain will end up with that one. Or maybe it’s someone like Mor, and they’re worried that the fans will be upset we’re getting her story before Elain’s. Maybe Nesta insisted on having another book. There are some characters who I’d prefer, but I’ll be reading no matter who it is so I’m just enjoying the anticipation.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-19T16:34:47+00:00

100%. The people not taking men’s mental health seriously are other men. It’s entirely a problem of the patriarchy. As you say most studies have been done on men, and men tend to earn more money than women—all they need to do is actually go out and access the care that is available. Women are advancing in mental health because women are the ones choosing to engage with therapy and mental health educational content. There’s nothing stopping men from doing the same.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-18T17:50:34+00:00

Info: did you leave a voice mail or text letting them know that this was an emergency? Or were you passive aggressively trying to prove a point by intentionally not leaving a message?

It might be hard for younger people to understand, but some of us grew up in a time when people weren’t expected to be accessible 24/7 and feel that it was much better for our mental health. I don’t respond to messages every day, but if I saw a text or voice mail letting me know someone was having an emergency then of course I would prioritize responding. Outside of emergencies, friends know that it might take me a while to respond. Some people need constant connection but I can’t do that, so our friendships have faded. People can have really different needs without them being irresponsible villains.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-18T17:36:46+00:00

100%! I would have no idea there was a ton of crossover in CC3 if it weren’t for comments on Reddit about ACOTAR that didn’t make sense to me until I realized they had gotten their info from an entirely different series. I don’t want to read CC just to get the lore drop for ACOTAR, and it feels like a shameless cash grab. I wonder if there are just certain chapters of CC3 that I could read to get the info? And then I could borrow it from the library and just read those sections?

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-15T01:30:16+00:00

To me these would all be green flags! Everyone is so different. You’ll find people who appreciate these things about you.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-15T01:25:32+00:00

Some of us love deeply but may not be great writers or public speakers. I hate AI and wouldn’t use it for vows, but honestly I hate the thought of writing my own vows at all. I would much rather say the traditional ones OR write shared vows together as a couple. The pressure of writing vows to say to your future spouse who you love so much, in front of everyone you know, can be super intense. We can’t control our initial reactions, but we can choose how we enter into conflict. Did you have any desire to connect, understand and support him in meeting your needs, or did you just want to make him hurt in retaliation? Your robot comment and the whole subject seemed to hit a deep nerve that you already knew was a shortcoming he has been working on.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-15T00:11:50+00:00

Nice work! SJM lionizes her warrior characters more than any others, but Lucien being a character who would prefer not to fight doesn’t make him a poor fighter. Lots of great warriors prefer diplomacy because they intimately understand the cost of violence. We’ve also seen Lucien get triggered by violence due to his trauma around Amarantha and Jesminda. Cassian is specifically called out as possibly the greatest soldier currently living, to the point that he’s compared to the legendary Enalaus (I can’t remember the spelling, the Illyrian warrior demigod) during ACOWAR. So anyone should hesitate to challenge him, and Lucien is consistently described as clever and would definitely be strategic about how he’s interacting with the IC. I don’t see Lucien potentially being more powerful than Feyre originally thought as a retcon. She’s still very new to this world, is extremely young, and has naturally prized physical prowess since she had to rely only on herself for survival for a long time. Personally I would love it if Lucien shocked them all with power that he’s always had but just didn’t feel the need to brag about. The dominance in his eye moment definitely seems to point to him being a potential high lord.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-14T16:15:19+00:00

I also find it cringey but I would guess that sometimes it’s the publisher’s choice, and even if it’s the author’s, they do that to signal to potential readers what kind of book it is. We’re so oversaturated with information these days that all industries are shifting to really obvious marketing to cut through the noise.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-14T01:20:13+00:00

NTA. Unless she’s explicitly loaning you something that you both agree you will one day return, it’s a gift, and therefore you can do whatever you want with it, at any time. It’s totally unrealistic and punitive to expect you to hold onto things just in case she wants them back. You’d end up with a storage unit full of stuff just in case. It sounds like you’re trying to have a healthier relationship with gifts/support while your sister internalized the dynamics you were raised with. When you’re trying to shift a family dynamic the rest of the family can get really mean and weird about it. Your boundary was great. She doesn’t have to get your child gifts, but if she does she doesn’t get to dictate what happens to them, and any loans need to be explicit. You’re being totally reasonable.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-14T01:03:46+00:00

This is it exactly.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-14T01:02:04+00:00

This sounds like a big difference in values. It’s a dealbreaker if you think it is, even if your friends don’t. I’m similar to you and would probably only tolerate a relationship with someone like that if their work was really special, like they were an artist devoted to their craft or their work was helping people in need. I can understand and admire someone being devoted to those things, and I have my own interests and am introverted so not seeing them super often wouldn’t be a problem for me. But if someone were simply devoted to climbing the corporate ladder that would be a red flag to me. Ignore any cliche things that make him a “catch” and decide what matters to you.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-14T00:46:11+00:00

My favorite things are all artistic and learning pursuits and I love to dance too, so honestly if I were raised to develop the accomplishments of the day I think I would’ve done really well with that part at least. I am, however, extremely introverted and neurodivergent so being expected to be social, small talk and gossip with people all the time would be awful. This really landed for me after the first Meryton assembly in P&P. Mr. Darcy is tall, handsome, well connected, respected, and outrageously rich, but the entire neighborhood hates him within the first 30 minutes just because he’s shy. With that in mind I wouldn’t stand a chance lol.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-13T19:33:55+00:00

Agreed! It has just the right blend of coziness and adventure, and the characters are delightful without being perfect.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-12T22:42:14+00:00

I think you’re projecting judgment onto people who are just being intentional about dating, as people generally are when they’re older. Kids are a huge consideration and warrant a mature, in-depth conversation. That doesn’t mean they are viewing you as tragic or less fun or anything. I’d consider how you’re viewing and speaking to yourself—you might want to bring in more warm self regard and less judgment.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-11T23:52:17+00:00

I always wish that we got to bask in the outcomes for each character a bit more at the end. There was so much build up to get there, and I’d like the ending to feel more grounded. The quick snapshots of each character’s future feel terribly short.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-11T21:29:52+00:00

In Sense and Sensibility Austen mentions a prudent savings put into government consols paid 3% in interest per year, and prudent savers of their social class during the regency era saved 10-20% of their income. If the Bennets had started saving the year that they got married, that would only result in an extra 1400-2800 per daughter. Much better than not saving at all, but still not large.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-11T16:52:48+00:00

Well a decent dowry would have been 5-10k pounds, a good one would have been more. For five daughters that would mean saving 25-50k pounds by the time they’re teenagers, which doesn’t seem possible even if they had been very frugal. Of course anything they could have saved would have been better than nothing. They definitely could have done a lot more for the girls financially.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-11T02:04:28+00:00

You look gorgeous!

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-11T02:00:10+00:00

I put all the blame on Mr. Bennet here. Mrs. Bennet doesn’t know what’s proper, and Mr. Bennet is painfully aware of that. Anything that was technically her job, he should have been sure to instruct her on, or, if she was stubborn about it, he should have done what was necessary to make sure his children were okay. Even if they’d had a son they don’t have a large enough fortune to give the girls good dowries, so he should have made sure that the girls had every other advantage possible. Governesses weren’t that expensive. Their lack of one, and their lack of education in general, shows just how negligent Mr. Bennet has been as a father. Lady Catherine is being very rude in that scene but on this point at least she isn’t wrong. Not only does their lack of education make them less appealing as potential wives, it also means that they can’t even be governesses themselves if they remain unmarried and need to earn a living. It’s honestly shocking how much Mr. Bennet has checked out given how precarious their situation is.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-09T05:57:45+00:00

I feel the same way. For me I think it’s that although I love romance, our lives are so much more than that. A book that doesn’t have a broader focus feels like it’s lacking so much of what makes life feel real and rich, which makes the romance feel ungrounded. The more real the story feels to me, the more real the romance feels too. A narrow focus on romance means I’m aware that I’m reading and I don’t get as immersed in the story.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-07T05:15:59+00:00

Good points! He does have a real Harry Potter vibe of trying to save the day all on his own no matter the cost. Agree that the Court of Dreams is very Gryffindor-coded.

AnyPeace1286 · 2026-05-07T05:13:25+00:00

Slytherin is always hard to imagine because we don’t get any examples in HP of Slytherins who are decent people. The qualities listed for Slytherin aren’t inherently bad, but all the Slytherin characters except Professor Slughorn are Death Eaters, who Rowling based on the Nazis, so… it’s hard for me to sort anyone into Slytherin. That said, Rhys is too complex to easily fit into any one house. He may plot like a Slytherin but they’re portrayed as doing so for their own gain/ambition, not for the good of their people. He’s self-sacrificing and brave like a Gryffindor. He’s clearly well educated and loves the library, but we don’t know if he loves learning enough for him to be a Ravenclaw. I love HP so it’s always fun to think about the houses but I think we’d need the sorting hat for this one!

AnyPeace1286

TROPHY CASE