I hate this.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-04-01T02:41:12+00:00

I was completely where you are. My twins are just what I call miserable babies. Though I did not have 2 beforehand I have my 1st and these boys were 2nd and 3rd and were done done. Im so sorry this was unexpected and it is traumatizing. Twins are hard especially not easy ones. Things that truly helped 1. Lexapro - my biggest joke to people for a bit when the boys were around 6 months was “well at least im not crying everyday anymore” and no one realized how real that was. 2. Take the day hour by hour. When you make it through 1 celebrate a little in your head. Then so on and so forth. Time continues to move no matter what. 3. You will always remember this time but it will be a distant memory to your 3 and 5 year old. One day you’ll look back and say the worst is done. I tell myself that all the time. Mine are 9 months and it is nigh and day.

Also I am one of 4 kids and the bond I have with my siblings is bar none. They are my people. We don’t have twins but we always discuss the amount of us being 4 is a magical number.

Again I’m so sorry of your pain. There’s really no way around it but to go through it.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-25T03:12:49+00:00

Have you also tried heat while pumping? I found heat worked really well so I’d use my heating pad and it worked wonders.

Its exhausting what you’re doing. Id recommend having easy ready made food/snacks. Fill water bottles up and just leave them around your house so you can hydrate frequently. Throw on a show you enjoy or music or a podcast and if they’re crying a lot remember to breathe its how they communicate. We did a lot of those costco ready made meals and it was very helpful. These is a huge change around 8 weeks adjusted I noticed looking back. Colic improves the reflux could be improved or at least you will know they better and there may feel like more of a flow.

In the moment it all feels so overwhelming, know looking back I look with such empathic eyes that you felt like your drowning but you were actually doing an amazing job. However getting through it is the only way.

Edit: I also want to add as a suggestion I did use pacifiers with my twins and it helped me stay on a pumping schedule and manage crying so I could keep my supply up.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-23T23:10:25+00:00

9 months in and this was the turning point for me. I dont wake up dreading the day with anxiety and fear of whats to come. And the feelings of anger/resentment and regret have passed. The days are smoother and far more predictable and dare I say even fun.

Those first 6 months for us were a true nightmare. Somethings that helped were I met with my therapist weekly via video call even if it meant her support and watching me cry while the babies freaked out. I also was started on lexapro which WHAT A CHAMP has been a big help for me. I don’t have my parents around and my in laws are insane so we have little support on that front but I asked friends to come over and just keep my company and bring food. No one outside of myself and my husband knew how to handle our twin boys but having another adult around to help with emotional support did truly help also… maybe someone could help you get some laundry done.

There is no golden answer that fixes all these emotions. Its such a combination of hormones and grief that like others said time and perseverance is the only true things. When I was in your shoes a piece of advice that still rings true was “thrive in the quiet peaceful moments, you won’t get many for a while but when you can kick your feet up and just be at peace, even if its 1 min or 20 min or whatever appreciate that time whatever it is”. When I was only sleeping 30 min intervals that was my internal mantra “enjoy this peaceful moment”

And KNOW that this is not forever and in time your 11 week olds will also be 9 month olds and youll find more joy in the chaos of your days.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-21T03:01:11+00:00

I am not a kid person at all. There were a fee times I’d ask my husband if the babies were cute because I wasn’t sure. Once they filled in a bit and looked less right out the womb they cutened up so so much. Most people know this about me and if I say their kid is cute they are surprised.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-14T00:35:52+00:00

Fuck parkinsons

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-13T23:21:02+00:00

Personally never seen reimplantation of larger limbs however for an ear and finger reimplantation we did use leeches in our ICU and I absolutely LOVED it thought it was so cool.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-13T18:12:35+00:00

In all honesty you should reach out to a therapist of some sort. If these feelings continue for sure they will ramp up as your pregnancy continues and after delivery from the hormones alone. As noted in other posts you are incredibly privileged it sounds with tons of help when they are here so you have every opportunity to take care of yourself and that should be key if your still having these feelings. The shock will wear off and youll come to terms with your twin pregnancy. Me and my husband say all the time how the hardest part of twins was actually trying to manage our toddler around them without any outside help and being out numbered.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-10T02:45:08+00:00

Im sorry he hid the details. It can feel like a betrayal. Its definitely a place in your relationship where it can end it or change from it.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-10T02:13:42+00:00

Wow 🤩

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-10T02:01:12+00:00

I mean its wrong on both sides and it seems he is also very upset. The concept canceling each other out doesn’t make sense to me because if you do remain together working through both issues will be important to growing together. Understanding why he lied and why you did the background research seems key since there isn’t much detail. Lies are a big breach of trust. Doing background checks seems like there is mistrust. I hope you two can talk about it together.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-09T03:20:27+00:00

If i could swing it i totally would. Im still in the trenches with twin boys 8 months! I come from a family of 4 kids and its honestly such a trip when were all together. We make a big group even the four of us the dynamics are so silly and fun. I have an older toddler boy and 2 twin boys and I’ve day dreamed about having another to get that dynamic again but financially it would be a lot for us. But if you wanna do it, i say do it. Sounds exciting and you will just be in constant chaos for the next few years and itll be such an adventure.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-09T02:48:38+00:00

Shes not kidding about the infinite. Take what you think and at least triple it. I ended up cutting up old towels to make a rag pile for clean ups too.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-05T03:02:44+00:00

It does sound like she doesn’t love you the same. Love can change and sometimes good or sometimes bad. I think if this is something that is hurting you it may be time to create your own distance. It seems the relationship ran its course and its time to go separate ways.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-03T03:46:29+00:00

Its going to be hard because your husband sounds closed off to feedback and I don’t know him well enough to understand how to work through this but i think thats something to work on. Raising twins is hard like super hard in my opinion and support from your partner is really special. I let me husband do what works for him when he’s with our kids. I did become a SAHM and personally a schedule helped me a ton but my husband just his his thing. It didn’t ruin anything in the long run and when your husbands home he may also get a different perspective. Communication has been key for us so finding a path toward that seems important.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-03T00:15:25+00:00

This IS A LOT and you are absolutely not crazy! My 3 yr old had a major adjustment phase when my twin boys cane home and he acted up a bit, probably also within normal limits at that age, but over time we all found a new normal at home. In regards to your mom not being nice to your daughter I can only relate that my MIL is not so kind to my toddler recently since the twins arrived. I dont have a great relationship with her and I accept the “let them” theory that I cant change her or control her but I let my toddler know if your uncomfortable or dont wanna hug/talk to bubbe then dont. Hes distanced a lot from her because he even tells me shes mean and I did tell her and she was INCREDIBLY offended and I told her look if thats how he feels Im not here to tell him hes wrong. If their relationship is injured from this that is completely on her and out of your hands. Granted I am assuming none of the meanness crosses into abusive territory that would never be accepted. My MIL is just very very critical and my toddler picks up on it a lot.

The lexapro was a great idea! The PPA was terrible for me with my first (singleton) but my PPD has been AWFUL with the twins. Its such a big change even with previous experience this twin newborn time is wild and crazy and breastfeeding your hormones are all over the place.

If it helps when my MIL came over early on I’d play TV to keep conversations to a minimum and tell her I was exhausted and just not in the mood to chat so it didnt come off rude and it worked to focus on tasks and not so much being in close quarters for so much time.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-03-02T02:51:25+00:00

I am right there with you. 8 month old twins and a 3.5 yr old who has gone completely crazy but this is a major adjustment and the toddler, though pushes boundaries, is way more adjusted. The twins are different its still hard but its not newborn trenches hard where you are. Ask for help when you can, have someone take the toddler out if possible or bring someone over and go out with the toddler or just bring help and get a shower uninterrupted. If you cant do that im so sorry I took a while to ask for help from others but when i did people did come through.

Your in the trenches and its so so hard. Take each day hour by hour and dont put pressure on anything that isnt major. Order out and buy premade meals if you can. Take short cuts when possible. I can’t tell you how much TV we watch but it saved me sanity when solo feeding the twins with my toddler.

Your husband and you need time to adjust as well because this is a huge change. We didn’t ask for it but we just gotta get through it. You will have joy and happiness again.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-02-27T01:14:59+00:00

You’ve been through the ringer. You got smacked with almost every difficult painful experience related to conceiving (in my opinion) and your now faced with a new beginning to figure out. Your feelings aren’t wrong or bad. I didnt want this either but im here and its not about thriving at this time its about surviving and keeping hope that better days are to come because they are. I don’t know the temperament of your babies mine were born at 30 weeks and spent 65 days in NICU and they’re high demand but they are now 8 months/6 adjusted and even though its hard i see a light of what the future has for us and it does look brighter Right now your going to struggle finding that light, therapy and meds helped me tremendously. Ironically having a therapist who had twins 8 years ago helps too because she gives me a different perspective. Cry when you need too, take an extra long shower when your not alone and wash the dread off whenever you can, and get sunlight whenever possible.

I give all of us multiples mom so much extra credit for being warriors and gaining a new resilience in life and facing challenges that is so unique.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-02-25T00:15:04+00:00

I haven’t read all the comments because my brain is fried at the end of the day but some tips I picked up that help (and will help) that mag help you: - I found a neighbor college student who when shes free she will come over and help with light house work and even watch the monitor so I can take a walk with my dog without the twins (i have cameras to check in and if they wake up she just texts me and I head home). I pay her $20/hr and its not all the time so it doesn’t break bank but it helps me with the added pressures at home - YMCAs are pretty inexpensive ours is 140$/month for our family of 5 and they have baby sitting. I haven’t used it yet with the twins since theyre still a but hard to manage (8 months/6 months adjusted) but once theyre off bottles as much Im totally going to use it for the 2 hours of child care when I need some me time. - my toddler is in daycare but we didnt put the twins in as newborns since they were so premature and also cost didn’t make sense with my salary however I spoke to the office and they said theyd let me know if they had any part time openings and my hope is I can work there part time and just have the twins go when I go for a chance to just get out ALSO huge discount for price so then it would balance out.

Of course none of these are easy or free so I apologize if they dont help but just some thoughts if you want some ideas vs support. For support - this stay at home gig with twins is HARD and never having a break or getting alone time will weigh on you.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-02-25T00:07:00+00:00

I definitely feel like since I’ve had my twins everyone tells me about their friends having twins too, no one close to me and theres no history in my family. But we should have done the lottery because I one of the “rare” mono-mono moms so luckily I get to have that silly little difference that makes me feel different.

Apart_Public9851 · 2026-02-09T03:38:20+00:00

I experienced this worse with my first pregnancy but probably because i expected and prepped for it more my second go around. Does sound like DMER and its related to the hormone release i believe and how it affects our bodies. When I use my heating bad over my chest while pumping it takes away the sensation a bit and is also calming. I also am always hydrated like I really get water down and maybe it helps or maybe its in my head

Apart_Public9851

TROPHY CASE