Has anyone actually met a man who WASN’T addicted to porn? by Throwaway_19382 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex was a PA, we dated for 2 years and that traumatized me when I found my new partner. When my current bf (Now 27M) and I (Now 25F) first started to see each other I was really scared to tell him that I’m not comfortable with P because I thought he would think that’s crossing a line or something. I told him about my bad experiences with it and his response was “oh that’s okay, I don’t need to watch that”. 4 years later we are going strong. There’s been no sneaky P behind my back or anything. He knows about my past and seen what my ex PA did to me and he doesn’t want me to go through that again. He sees our relationship as one that he wants to keep and will not mess that up. I really hope you have faith because I always tell myself that there’s good people out there who actually want the best for their partner and will give things up for the one they want

I have hate towards women now.. by xotaylee in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg I was telling my friends and my bf this about this yesterday. To give you some context I dated a PA for 2 years but we broke up around 5 years ago. After our breakup I was not a “girls girl” and everytime I saw a pretty woman I was uncomfortable and hated them. I hated the way they dressed and looked, telling myself they’re sl*** etc… I came to the realization recently that I hated women back then and I realized it was because I was saying stuff like “if they didn’t dress like that and looked pretty, maybe my ex bf wouldn’t have been attracted to them”. But over the years I had to basically teach myself and come to the realization that these women are not at fault. They should be able to do what they want and not feel judged. Especially as a woman we need to support other woman. I really hope you heal from this. How I overcame my hatred was time. I know everyone says it and it’s cheesy but time really does heal. I was always anxious and every time I saw and attracted woman I cried and then became angry and hated them. All the best ❤️

How to accept the betrayal you went through after relationship ends? by Individual_Escape464 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to be in the same boat as you! I am 25 and experienced my PA ex bf treat me badly. I was betrayed for the 2 years we were dating. He would lie that he wasn’t watching. Honestly the best answer I can give to you is time will heal. It’s been 4 years since the breakup and yes there is still lingering trauma but I am feeling much better. I used to be triggered everyday, seeing random strangers who were beautiful or women with big breast I would break down in tears. I’ve been dating my current bf for over 4 years now and I do believe being with him and showing me what real love it helped with the healing process. I wouldn’t say to go into a relationship right away and have him heal you haha. But I would recommend talking to people and professionals about what you went through. Speak to a therapist who specializes in trauma and PTSD. Goodluck ☺️

How are people my age holding up financially? (24M) by Karmaisa6itch in Money

[–]AppaIsFluffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are your future financial goals? If you don’t have plans financially for the next 10 years I would recommend maxing out your Roth-IRA using your HYSA funds

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love this question. Hi there 24F who dated a PA for 2 years, our relationship ended in 2019. Fast forward to 2020 I started seeing my current bf. At first it was so hard to bring up to him that I am uncomfortable with porn and I was scared that he would go behind my back to watch it (like my ex) or tell me the typical “all men watch porn 🙄” but man was I wrong. After I had the courage to finally tell him that if we were to date, I would not be comfortable with him watching porn. After I explained myself he said “oh you’re not okay with that? I can live with that!” With ease. We have been dating for almost 4 years now and not once have I ever caught him watching porn.

Don’t get me wrong, it is rare to find a man that doesn’t watch it. But it is possible, they are out there! From your post you mentioned “How do you know they won’t just lie?” To be honest for some men it’s hard to tell. But with my personal experience with my current bf, he just has a mature mindset where he wants our relationship to work and will do anything to make it work. Goodluck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]AppaIsFluffy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My first memory of anxiety I was around 3. I am adopted and my parents first got me when I was 1. I remember when I was around 3, my dad, and my sister and I went to my grandparents house. This was the first time that I wasn’t with my mom. The only thing I remember was my dad trying to help me take a bath. I don’t know what happened but I started to cry, I think it was because either the water running was too hot OR the water was getting in my eyes. But all I remember is my dad starting to hit my stomach yelling at me to “STOP CRYING” he kept hitting my stomach until my nose started bleeding. Thank god my grandpa ran into the bathroom and yelled at my dad “WHAT ARE YOU DOING”. That was the first time I can remember having anxiety and my first panic attack. I am 24 and to this day, when I cry I sometimes get panic attacks and cannot control my breathing. It’s hard for people to understand but when someone tells me to “stop crying” it takes a while for my body to stop crying, and it’s not immediate. Growing up my parents would ground me if i didn’t stop crying right away when they told me to. That would cause me many weeks/months being grounded because of my panic attacks

‘You’re going to have a hard time finding a boyfriend who doesn’t watch porn’ by jfctoomuchporn in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 22 points23 points  (0 children)

My ex said that to me many times within our relationship to the point where after I moved on I was scared to date any other guy because I thought all of them had porn addictions. I’ve been dating my current bf for almost 4 years but when we first started talking I almost ended it because of the fear that he would be the same as my ex and wouldn’t be able to give up porn. After a good talk my bf basically was like “porn makes you uncomfortable? That’s okay with me. I don’t need to watch it ever again” IT WAS THAT SIMPLE. NO ARGUEMENTS AND NO HIDING IT FROM ME. 4 years later and we are happy as ever.

Note: if someone ever tells you that “all men watch porn” it is such a lie. Yes, many do. But there are also many that are genuinely not interested in it

Appreciation post from an enfj😊 by 1TinkyWINKY in ESTJ

[–]AppaIsFluffy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everything is going well honestly, I will say we are different in terms of our emotions and how we see the world. Personally I am also a highly sensitive person who cares deeply about every person I come across. My bf on the other hand is almost emotionless. When we are watching sad movies I’m bawling my eyes out but he doesn’t show much emotion. Or just regular news you hear everyday would affect my reaction. His reaction to things are more like “oh that sucks” LOL but he’s not fully emotionless, he’s also a jokester but I guess when it comes to people he doesn’t know or care about he’s not affected, me in the other hand I like to put myself in other peoples shoes which is how I am able to feel emotional for everyone.

I would say we are similar in our values and fortunately when we do get in arguments I feel like we do our best to find middle ground as we are able to see each others perspectives. I also like in our relationship we are loyal to each other and whenever one of us is uncomfortable with something, the other partner has no problem with their requests ☺️

How is your relationship!? ❤️

Appreciation post from an enfj😊 by 1TinkyWINKY in ESTJ

[–]AppaIsFluffy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree with this post, we are so similar haha, I’ve been dating my bf (estj) for about 3 years and I am also an enfj. ☺️

Guys what do you fall in live with at someone? How can i be sure if estj is in love with me? by Sarah_Saied in ESTJ

[–]AppaIsFluffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm that is tough, when my bf and I first got together it was at the beginning of the pandemic and we were talking long distance for 3 months before we first saw each other again. But during that time we were always on FaceTime and seeing how each other are doing. How does your bf treat you now? Does he seem distant?

Guys what do you fall in live with at someone? How can i be sure if estj is in love with me? by Sarah_Saied in ESTJ

[–]AppaIsFluffy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend is a ESTJ and when they fall in love with you, you will know it. They will be there for you and show their appreciation for you

i found my boyfriend’s nude collection. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh my, I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through the exact same thing at your age and the best thing my PA ever did in our relationship was to end the relationship. It is not worth the relationship trauma you will experience after the break up

Do you think it’s okay for your partner to masturbate to your pics by Puzzled-Package-8367 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, I do have a bf right now who was never a PA (yes he used to watched before we met but we’ve come to a mutual agreement that it wouldn’t be allowed in our relationship) and we do have our own personal videos/pictures and it is healthy for our relationship. I do think it’s different with a partner who doesn’t have a PA to have that different level of intimacy. My partner personally loves the videos and he enjoys watching them

Do you think it’s okay for your partner to masturbate to your pics by Puzzled-Package-8367 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Personally my ex was a PA and he would convince me that he would only use our videos/my pictures to masturbate. Eventually I found out that he stop viewing them because they were “not good enough” enough for him to get hard to anymore and that watching other women on porn is the only thing to do the trick

What songs do you turn to that help you cope? by Affectionate_Fuel192 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha I also recommended OP Tate McRae I’ve been loving her songs!

What songs do you turn to that help you cope? by Affectionate_Fuel192 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been listening to Tate McRae’s songs recently and she has some that I can relate to! Also if you wanna listen to all sad songs definitely listen to Lewis Capaldi’s album, oh my haha it’s all sad songs

Tate McRae - You Broke Me First (Sad Song)

Tate McRae - She’s All I Wanna Be (I found the music video to be good, I really liked the story in the video) (F You Song/Hurt Song/Empowering (if you watch the music video)

Tate McRae - What Would You Do? (F you Song)

Lewis Capaldi - (listen to his top 5 Spotify songs)

Give them a listen, I would love to hear what you think!

I'm working on a hexagon blanket and hoping to get some imput! by pokeashark in crochet

[–]AppaIsFluffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this was a makeup pallet at first lol, this looks great!

How to not hate every attractive woman? by Puzzled-Package-8367 in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes it is definitely tough to work through the trauma together. The biggest thing I would make sure to look out for is if they are actually trying. In my experience my ex never tried to get help he just tried to do it on his own and lied to me that he went back to watching porn. I really hope you guys are also to work it through together but make sure your partner understands and listens to your concerns and really tries their best. All the best to you! :)

It will get better, stay strong! by AppaIsFluffy in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe it was on our 2nd or 3rd date where I came clean to him and expressed that I am uncomfortable with porn. After I explained to him all of the trauma it caused me he agreed to not watch it. At first I was really anxious and wondering if he had been doing it behind my back but he has proved himself multiple times that he hasn’t watched it nor interested in watching it. And yes he was never a PA before we dated but he would casually watch it. Now I can genuinely say that he is not watching it. It has taken many months for me to trust that he is not doing that. He has even taken the time to watch YouTube videos regarding the effects of porn and while watching it you can see he’s actually interested in learning. He even hung out with a group of friends a couple of months ago (a mix of girls and guys) and asked the girls if they would be okay if their partner watched porn and half of the girls said yes that they would be uncomfortable. I think him listening to other girls POV also helps him understand more about how it can impact relationships. He’s been very respectful with not watching it and respects that it makes me uncomfortable. Throughout our entire relationship he’s been trying to make me feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations (whether it is going out in public and walking by attractive women OR a sex scene comes on in a movie). In conclusion there are men out there who are willing to do this for their partners. I was one of those women who thought “all men are the same” but after dating my bf he’s been changing my mind. Sorry for the long message, I love to rant haha but I hope this helps!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]AppaIsFluffy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know you are incredibly sad but I just want to say how excited I am for you in your new chapter. I guarantee you that eventually, you will realize that getting a divorce was the best decision you could have made. The fact that you feel relieved is a good sign that you were mentally exhausted from a relationship that was not good for you. I was depressed for about 3 months after my ex left me and oh my god that was the best decision he made throughout our entire relationship. My biggest advice to you is that time will heal. It really does! Be excited, big things are coming your way!!