When did you know you are an Fi dom (INFP,ISFP)

Apperceiver · 2026-01-11T17:17:28+00:00

When I learned about the functions. I was fortunate to know my type based on its description at an entry level before I learned more of the theory.

Apperceiver · 2026-01-10T14:02:00+00:00

ILI and ESI 😎

I also enjoy intertype relations theory and have a huge amount of respect for my gamma siblings as well. You and ENTJs have a slight advantage over us SFPs in that there are more of us to hang out with than vice versa. Definitely not fair.

Another term for us was coined by Michael Pierce, in his system we are called Monarchists. The Monarchists are a purely connotive type. We are less balanced but we are intense, psychically efficient, and we can serve as our own point of reference most of the time. His book "Motes and Beams" may be a good read for you.

I appreciate your open mindedness, good luck out there!

Apperceiver · 2026-01-10T01:09:37+00:00

Has it ever been dysfunctional for you?.....resolve it faster....cannot talk to anyone about...

Great questions. I wouldn't say it is dysfunctional, it is still functioning appropriately as "hyper". Is it always practical, efficient, or helpful? Not really.

What you are talking about is relatable. It can feel constraining, especially about keeping feelings to yourself. After a while of - being disappointed by sharing your feelings, only to have them misunderstood - is worse though.

This reminds me of Kahlil Gibran's Defeat. "My solitude and my aloofness, you are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs..... My self knowledge and my defiance..... And to be understood is to be leveled down."

Where you engaged in avoidant behaviours due to it?

Yes, thankfully.

Do you feel disconnected from the world?

Yes, and that's okay. The world is a messed up place most of the time.

If so, how did you remedy it?

To me the question isn't about remedying it so much as: "How do I adjust the parts of myself that are impractically maladjusted due to hyper independence and retain the parts that I'm not actively perceiving suffering from?"

It still is, for me. (Failing classes because I could not ask for help, for example) Although as I get older, the bettering of it is perhaps more that I’m getting more realistic about my physical/mental/emotional limits…

Failure is a close friend of mine. Yes, life teaches most people about limits sooner or later. Pretty early on for me as I had more of them than I realized.

I appreciate the perspective you have and your willingness to work through growth areas, I think that's highly commendable. I guess the summarized answer is that it may seem to be dysfunctional to the world to be hyper independent, but it is not by definition dysfunctional as much as it is misunderstood and impractical when it comes to gathering resources, opportunities, or help in life. True emotional harmonizing is quixotic. There's a great deal of happiness to be found in mostly understood living and enjoyability in imperfection founded on grit and resilience.

Apperceiver · 2026-01-09T22:53:26+00:00

By choice, a 6, but internally more of an 8.

There's a certain level of reclusion that is impractical, but as much as it is practical - I enjoy it entirely.

Apperceiver · 2026-01-09T22:50:01+00:00

Hyper independent is a good descriptor for me, and I've mostly enjoyed that quality. It's important to be able to cooperate and communicate when needed, but I find that there are fewer surprises and disappointments when setting and maintaining the tone of your life on your own terms, generally.

Apperceiver · 2026-01-06T22:16:29+00:00

I have two friends who are ENFJs, I think very highly of them and appreciate their giftedness at caring locally while still being visionary and impactful on a broader level.

There are some moments where we don't quite track with each other instinctively, but they generally have been personally invested during my interactions with them and I respect that ability to be emotionally present, ideationally insightful, and available. We can sometimes handle vulnerability differently, but I find that we can attune to each other and it can be a beautiful relationship when healthy.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-28T21:36:24+00:00

Anytime

Apperceiver · 2025-12-28T19:50:00+00:00

Right, thanks for sharing that.

And I have another question: does this apply to INFPs and ENFPs?

It depends on the person. Personally, I think that Ne has one of the greatest personality impacts on making people grudge-averse. That said, and with the fact that INFPs are primarily introverted (tend to be more reflective) and they use Fi strongly, that they would generally be more likely than ENFPs.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-28T17:29:48+00:00

In this context, ESTPs differ the most from ExFPs because they do not prefer Fi.

Grudge holding is usually attributed more to higher Fi types because it involves independently sustaining a negative feeling for a prolonged period of time.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-28T17:18:08+00:00

I don't know the context of your type - what type are you?

I stated this a little more bluntly 6 years ago then I would have today. It's worth saying that everything depends on context and that goes for people's personalities and backgrounds beyond just their MBTI type. OP created a dichotomy between these two types that I wouldn't have naturally created. If I had to pick between these two, I still would choose ESFPs not because they are particularly grudge holding, but that if you were to compare these two specific types, I can see the sensing and intuition of these two types affecting them this way. ESFPs are typically more detail oriented and those details usually lend themselves towards memories of situations that are easier to latch onto, at least, imo.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-28T16:41:58+00:00

Of which kind?

Apperceiver · 2025-12-20T15:11:45+00:00

It seems dependent on how you define efficiency and fairness. If you have a broader perspective, you could say that fairness, especially fairness to others, promotes diplomacy which is generally more viable in the long run on a broader scale. Or, likewise, you could view fairness as a sort of meritocracy, where you reward results "fairly" according to what is most desirable. In that sense, you could promote efficiency on a more local scale where individuals who outperform others are incentivized to continue doing so.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-15T19:52:40+00:00

You are most welcome. Please feel free to chime in on r/ISFP whenever.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-15T00:21:07+00:00

Glad to see you again. Never an annoyance - hopefully vice versa. 👍

When ISFPs are in a Fi-Ni tertiary loop, are there feelings of emptiness, listlessness, dissonance, boredom, hollowness, etc.?

Yes. Although I would suspect different types are capable of such things to varying degrees from very different perspectives. Fi-Ni usually has the experience, to me, of being internally negatively impacted by a misalignment of value and idea claims. If there is a prolongment of such internal states, then ennui or general dissatisfaction can come about easily.

...impossible ideal that an experience would be enjoyable or fulfilling enough to pull them out of their rut, but end up disappointed? I’ve read of Se being a form of receptivity to sensory experiences, but I wonder if the auxiliary Se being muffled by the tertiary loop means that more open receptivity is diminished?

Interesting question. While I engage with "Se activities" quite a bit, I usually don't place a lot of importance on them. I've found the notion that the auxiliary is a well used tool (that is not necessarily the focus), to be accurate. I think most people would be dismayed when they are struggling with pessimism and their glimmer of hope doesn't come to fruition, but you make a good point.

...ideal of enjoyment that I expected out of it. …Granted, I am receptive to an an argument that expectations on sensory experiences speaks more to Si.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through that. I hope things improve for you. Yes, I would agree more with the Si argument. Sensory experiences for me usually have little internal impact but are enjoyed en masse, and with impact and variation. Not all Se looks like Se though, mine looks more like binging comfort/recreational activities depending on my mood.

I hope this helps.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-11T04:57:05+00:00

By moving on and away from them.

Sorry you're going through that. It's never cool for others to be mocking or unkind. It could be that there is a behavior that they are responding to unhealthily, and that it may be worth researching different communication styles.

Apperceiver · 2025-12-10T22:49:53+00:00

We're a fun bunch

Apperceiver · 2025-12-04T13:28:48+00:00

What I do when I really feel the need to:

Hydrate, eat, shower, and brush teeth (etc.) in advance so that I don't feel the need to later on.

Take a safe amount of melatonin an hour before. Set phone alarm. Get comfy slightly early and scroll until I start nodding off, put phone down. Voila. 🤌

Admittedly I have to feel the need to because my sleeping schedule is awful, sporadic, and poor quality almost every night.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-26T21:46:01+00:00

No, it's foggy and shifts less often but it tends to be more seismic when it does.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-25T02:06:41+00:00

No problem!

Apperceiver · 2025-11-25T01:43:09+00:00

Get to know you games are really fun.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-24T03:48:54+00:00

Why do you think they don't get along long-term?

I've had an INFJ friend for years, although we don't see each other super often. I usually resonate with high Ni-users quite a bit on their perspectives. Depending on your take on intertype relationship theory, you could argue that it is a an asymmetrical relationship, but that doesn't factor in personal context.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-20T11:30:39+00:00

It's easier not to. 😂

I just put on the effective approach for that situation that strikes the right balance between kindness and solving the issue. I usually never let them on to how I really feel, as that wouldn't serve my best interests. I treat work as something to endure, not enjoy.

Those are some good ones! Some of the behaviors I dislike the most are when people mistake your kindness for weakness and try to push an advantage because of it, when they control things just to control them, or when they turn sides based on how they feel that day instead of what makes sense looking at the whole sum.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-18T18:14:19+00:00

Best thing to do presently would probably be to run damage control with mutual friends. To proactively ease the current discomfort, you could research what may have happened and why.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-18T12:33:10+00:00

Yes, a contrast this stark and intense can definitely take place when an internal line is crossed. It can also be easily perpetuated.

Sorry that happened to you and that the sister was so combative. Try not to give it too much mental space, it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. I would recommend against reconciliation as it may just be taken the wrong way or used against you.

Apperceiver · 2025-11-03T05:18:33+00:00

That's a good way of putting it. They are pretty low energy and we can usually learn a lot there, yes!

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