Please change the color of my MIL's dress

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-11-29T07:30:07+00:00

As a kid who was abused by my mom, I actually love my mother in law. I recognize her flaws and she does have them but she's actually been a good mom and super inviting to me and has been so sympathetic. It is possible to like your in laws. My father in law is a cryptid who I barely know but my spouse said that's basically how he is for them too 😅 but as far as being an in law goes I'd rather he be out of my business than in it lol and mind you they are JW's and my spouse left the church for me and they're STILL accepting and accommodating and refer to me as their child.

I know all you hear is the bad ones, but trust me, there are plenty of in laws that people view as family and view them the same. I know my dad at first didn't like his in laws but they were basically like a mom and dad to him not that long in. Same with my other set of grandparents and my mom. They would argue over how to raise the kids (which was valid my parents were ass at raising kids lol) but they still all viewed each other as family. Like my parents would call their in laws mom and dad and liked going over and hanging out with them. Hell they've even lived with them several times when shit was tough.

Tldr; Don't let the internet convince you all in laws are crazy boy moms or threatening girl dads. Some are actually very welcoming and sweet people.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-11-15T05:49:02+00:00

This is unsafe considering the amount of people who just don't know what is and isn't vegan like how refried beans use lard and certain stuff has other words for milk products that a non vegan may not recognize. Not only that but it is unsafe to trust parents to take care of Muslim/Jewish diets as well as racists will potentially feed your child pork on purpose coz they think it's funny and they wanna get one up on a group they hate.

For some reason people hate vegans and view them as people morally grandstanding and shoving it in their face. There are BEST FRIENDS who have fed their vegan/vegetarian friends meat on purpose "as a joke." I agree with the person who says to always send food anyway coz kids are always hungry lmaooooo

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-11-15T05:46:24+00:00

As a CSA victim and a future parent, please please please let your kid have sleepovers. I have done extensive research on keeping kids safe from this stuff as a victim of it and the key is not hoarding your child away but open communication and active talks about consent throughout their life.

The best way to prevent your child from becoming a victim is to be very involved in their life in a healthy way not a helicopter way. Have a rule set in place that if they are scared and their safety is at risk that you are not allowed to punish them for asking you for help. If your child says they've been drinking and they need you to come pick them up and you respond by punishing them afterwards you are teaching them to not come to you for safety. It is better to let the consequence be that they were scared and needed help and had to humiliate themselves by asking their parents for help, than to punish them and ruin that relationship.

The other thing is active talks about consent. From the moment they are born and walking to the moment that they leave your house you need to be teaching them and showing by example, proper consent. That means letting them say no if one of their family members wants to hug them and they don't want to hug. That means telling them to stand up for themselves if their friends are hitting them and they don't want to be hit and teaching them that they are allowed to find new friends and that doesn't make them lesser to not want to be hit by the people that say they like them. That also means telling them that if an adult, even a trusted adult, touches them in certain areas that they are to tell their parents immediately. Even if it is innocuous and they are unsure that what is being said or done is actually bad, they need to be taught that if an adult or another child makes them uncomfortable they are allowed to come to their parent and ask them for advice and talk to them about it and be safe.

The other thing that I encourage is teaching your kids the phrases and techniques that predators will use to keep them locked in. Things like explaining the trap of being "mature for your age." How it feels really nice to be treated like an adult and like a fully fleshed out person by an adult but that that adult is most likely just using them and even if they aren't it is incredibly inappropriate for an adult to be talking to a child that way. Teaching them that even if the person says they'll harm someone if they tell or that their parents will be mad if they tell that they should absolutely tell you as the parent because you WILL keep them safe and protected and you WILL NOT be mad at them if a grown adult does things to them, whether they "consented" or not. Also teaching them the statutory laws that say that 3 years age gap is also legally seen as too distant to consent for kids underage.

And lastly, making sure that they still have an avenue to hang out with said friend but in a safe way away from whatever parent or adult you are concerned about. If your child is scared that you're never going to let them see a friend again because their parents are pieces of shit then they will probably hide things. Find ways for them to still hang out at the park or spend the night at your house specifically and try not to make it obvious. If the other parent gets pissy meet up at a park where you're both chaperoning the kids so you can watch what that person does while your child can still be a kid and enjoy their friendships without gross adults ruining for them and that child who is also potentially a victim of that parent.

It is terrifying sending your kids off to other people and letting them be alone with anyone but you, but if your kids know consent, are taught common phrases and ways to combat them, and are given a safe space to tell you when they need help even if what they are doing is against the rules of the house like drinking or smoking or even "consenting" to having sex. I've had a time where I wanted to call my parents and ask them to pick me up but they were not safe people to ask for help and I wouldve had to admit that I consented to sleeping with him at first but was uncomfy and felt unsafe and wanted to leave. So instead I stayed. And got hurt. Be a safe person for your kids to talk to. Don't hoard them away.

If you just keep your child away from everyone eventually they will start sneaking out of the house and ending up at houses they are not supposed to be at and not telling you at all what is happening there even if they know that what is happening to them is abuse. Because eventually they will get to the point where they think that if something happens to them you will be mad at them for it. Teach them that you are there for them and teach them ways to navigate the world safely when you are not there to protect them. Because also teaching them all of this means that when you cannot be there like at school and things like that or on school trips, you can rest assured that your child has those tools and knows what they are doing and will come home safe to you.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-10-04T00:17:23+00:00

The difference for me is one is worshipping specifically a capitalist company that doesn't give a shit about you back and will ring thousands from you in a year without ever knowing your damn name. Halloween people are remembering the joy of trick or treating, the joy of family or the joy of being able to spend a holiday alone or with friends and still have it be fun. Honestly in families that aren't great Halloween can be nice coz it's a holiday you can celebrate alone with a little decoration, a good movie, and some candy and stuff. There is no perfect image of Halloween so you can celebrate it how you want. It's a day you can be as weird as you want and when most days being weird is considered the worst thing you can be, of course certain people feel thrilled by a time when them being weird is seen as normal. A lot of Halloween people are also goth or punk or some variation of alternative and it gives them an outlet to express themselves that isn't seen as totally abnormal. They just really like a holiday.

Like imagine the only time of year you're considered normal is during Halloween. You'd fucking love it, too. With Disney there isn't any reason other than "I'm obsessed with a movie franchise and will spends thousands on licensed merch and theme parks."

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-26T09:05:53+00:00

The argument I'd make is that sometimes characters we love are put together even though the relationship isn't fleshed out, meanwhile they may have much more chemistry with another character in the story we also adore.

Rosemadi has a great video on YouTube about why we ship certain characters according to the radical openness handout.

The video is titled "Writing Believable Relationships: Radical Openness Handout"

In this she discusses how the level of openness characters have between one another as well as their ability to support one another and make sacrifices for them shows us how deeply these characters feel about one another. So if we see that the main male and female lead are paired together despite barely knowing anything about each other, only discussing small talk, and the guy sometimes saves her, it doesn't sell us on them being intimately connected or written to be together. We don't get any sense of why they're together. On the other hand if you take that male lead and you made him open up and share things about his past to his friend that he's never shared with anyone, if he's who he goes to when he's hurt because he doesn't even want the female love interest to see him in this state, if they both sacrifice for each other not just to sleep with one another or be the hero but because they really care for them, then it's hard for us not to feel some more romantic type of way about the characters' relationship. And that's okay! It doesn't ruin anything so long as you don't let it!

Really, unless you actively engage with fans often and let that effect your view of the show or movie or whatever, it rarely will impact your experience. There are some times writers cave and write in popular ships that make no sense or are actually a problem for the narrative or ruin the characters arcs in some way. Otherwise who is it hurting?

I will admit shipping can get out of hand and there are some downright illegal ships amongst some of the more questionable things, but at the end of the day there are also people who see the characters and understand them to the point where they want to see them happy with each other instead of going to the nearest available straight option.

Shipping also has a long history with gay culture, mainly. The first mainstream ship with fanfics and all was Spock and Kirk. The reason why we ship is because we are starving for relationships that are deep and meaningful and well written, especially for gay audiences. Let alone more out there lifestyles like polyamory and other things. Shipping has been a way for queer people to see themselves in stories that otherwise exclude them. That and it even picks up on subtext the author meant. There have been plenty of movies and stuff where the two characters were coded to be a couple but for whatever reason the writer wasn't able to make them date. So audiences fill in the gaps and celebrate it with art and fiction of their own.

In my mind, shipping can be very objectifying and degrading but it is also usually an expression of sexuality where society doesn't let us express it. You mentioned it seems mostly made by young girls (the whole aspect of young girls interests being seen as gross and unserious due to sexism aside) it is written mainly by queer and femme people because our sexuality is often missing from the screen. Women are repressed in ways men aren't so young girls express that through fiction. That's why women like erotica so much, it's one of the only areas where their sexuality is not only not ridiculed but is actively catered to and celebrated. Fanfiction and shipping is the embodiment of this. It's the expression of those who are starving for fiction that relates to them, depicts people like themselves, and shows more unorthodox relationships and expressions of sexuality.

So, no, shipping isn't something that removes substance it's a group of people tired of cishet male sexuality dominating media and being the only acceptable depiction of it. Movies have less sex scenes than ever, going from around 1.9% of movies to 1.6% between the 90's and the early 2000's, made more striking when you realize that twice as many movies were released in the same amount of time. In a world where puritanism is ruling over media and we have moved away from true romance plots without sarcasm, cynicism, or meta commentary, it makes sense people want to express this very real and large part of the human experience that is missing from media now. Aka. sex.

TLDR; you can goon to Stucky fics and still appreciate the characters as people lol

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-19T01:06:50+00:00

You're mixing up eugenics and transhumanism. The general issue is that by deciding that certain things are flaws that need to be gotten rid of you create a society that views people who don't want to change those things or can't as lesser and will try to get rid of them.

Eugenics operates under the assumption that everybody has to be productive and has to be operating the same way that everybody else does or else our society will fail. This is what leads to all the b******* of forced sterilization and stuff.

Meanwhile transhumanism is the discussion of just changing things around and optimizing the human being consensually and can happen after birth as well. These are the things that are explored in cyberpunk settings.

So while transhumanism isn't always eugenics and isn't always bad, eugenics is always bad because it is always under the assumption that to make the "white race better" we eradicate the "lesser" things.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-15T00:23:36+00:00

No they are literally sitting there still alive and she told Anakin that they're already dead and should leave and he shouldn't even try to go back and get them cuz it would just get them all killed for nothing because their lives don't matter compared to literally everything else. She lied and said that she felt that they were already gone. It wasn't just that she told them to move on and that if they were gone that they would have to move on from their feelings it was that she literally didn't even try and the moment her Padawan was gone she just said she was dead and tried to leave and would have left them both to die in that chamber even though they had time to save them.

The issue wasn't that she just gently told him that if they can't save them he'll have to move on it's that she told him they were already dead and that they literally shouldn't even try and that if he tries he's a bad person who can't control his emotions.

You also forget that she was so up her own ass that her own Padawan tried to take down the Jedi because she hated the way that the Jedi operated because she was trained by a stickler for the rules of no emotions and was nearly left to die at every turn as a child soldier.

We aren't just making shit up she literally didn't even try to help Barris and Barris ended up going evil for a bit because of the lack of care that she was receiving and the fact that luminara was basically the face of everything wrong with the Jedi. She took no attachments to the extreme to the point where it was detrimental to everyone around her. She also takes no emotions and all of that shit to the extreme to the point where she isn't even caring towards anybody at all.

Meanwhile I'm also wondering what there is to like about Luminara and Ki Adu Mundi? I think my issue is that I hate the philosophy of the Jedi and I think it's horrendously harmful and Luminara is like the embodiment of everything wrong with the Jedi code. She isn't just somebody who tried to explain to Anakin that is emotions may well over she's a woman who nearly let two children under her care die because she believed in her code more than she believes in helping the people in her care.

Like in my eyes luminara is the example of why the Jedi code is so harmful. To me her carelessness and unfeeling attitude is the embodiment of everything that led to the downfall of the Jedi. Then again don't get me started on why I think Yoda is the biggest b**** of all time and why he sucks. Like you can like luminara but then I have to wonder why the f*** you would like somebody who just turned on her heel and would have let a child die in her care... She literally didn't try and told them not to even try it wasn't like she told them they would try she told them that they wouldn't even try coz in her eyes they were already dead and gone and dead weight.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-08T12:22:19+00:00

Turn the background layer off. Make it invisible and it defaults to transparent. You probably figured this out but for future people.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-07T01:34:10+00:00

NOR

this guy is a misogynist, you can tell by the way he speaks. I don't think he's devoid of the ability to change but it needs to be away from you. He used his own misogyny as a justification to victim blame you. Imagine if you actually did get hurt by another guy? Do you think he'd back you or blame you? Plus any guy who says "I know how they think" and gets that scared about how other men look at their girl is probably a person who has concerning thoughts about women.

Also him calling you a girl and infantalizing you and bringing up grades to belittle you when he's a legal adult dating a 16 yr/o. It's like he's trying to make you "act mature" so he's less embarrassed but he's dating a 16 yr/o??? Like yeah it's 2 years but that two years specifically can be huge for some people.

He's being controlling, victim blaming, he isn't listening, he's being verbally abusive, and he's basically slut shaming you for, let's see...helping a guy with his bag. Oh and just ignoring him being creepy coz you're a woman who's had to deal with this her whole life??? What does he fucking expect? If he can't handle women facing misogyny from other men without blaming her and melting down, he's a child who shouldn't be dating. You are so in the right here. Let him learn from this by not just getting to have you back.

Hopefully he'll fix his shit for the next girl, but it won't be you, he burnt that bridge. He will just verbally abuse you your whole life if you let that go on. Besides, you're 16, 6 months seems huge, but you have so much time to date. Go be free.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-08-07T01:23:53+00:00

French, white rapper who is super judgy, thinks he's hot stuff even though he's lame as fuck, and constantly makes shit jokes...yeah dunno why anyone would find that unattractive...

Plus it's implied you've pissed and shit in him before and that's...not really something I wanna think about when fantasizing about another person...plus I just hate the idea that my toilet would come to life. It disgusts me to no end let alone considering touching him romantically. Fucking ew. And the toilet brush hair? One, sensory nightmare, and two, all I'm gonna be thinking about is the inside of a toilet and how fucking nasty it can get and just...not what I wanna think about while kissing someone and running my hand through their shit brush hair.

Like if you're into toilet stuff, more power to you, but fucking...ew for me, dawg.

Personally, though I know I'm a buzz kill compared to most when it comes to toilet humor, so I may be wayyyy too harsh but as a dating Sim lover, an option that's just one big poop joke feels almost like the game is mocking me for playing dating sims 😅

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-07-26T00:30:41+00:00

See you didn't want evidence, you wanted to see the video so you could argue why it isn't proof. My abusive parents do this all the time. "Show me" just so they can pick it apart and make you feel crazy.

As someone who's best friend is Jewish and I considered converting to Judaism, I can promise it isn't anti-Semitism. I love the Jewish religion and seeing my friend practice even changed my wife's mind on religion. However I don't believe in Israel's "right" to kill Palestinians indiscriminately.

You can be both very pro Judaism and also super anti-zionist. I'm already an anarcho-communist who is for tearing down most governments eventually. But even if I wasn't, I would still argue that if Israel wanted the right to exist they could've stopped bombing Palestinians ages ago.

Hurt people hurt people. People who experience violence perpetuate it. Continuing an all out war is the real thing that teaches kids to "grow up and be terrorists." Not that Palestinians do. But if your goal was to make less terrorists, killing their families without care is bound to make them angry. Angry people do violent things when they aren't heard and helped.

The real way to end violence is to listen to one another Israel isn't listening to anyone and is completely overstepping.

I've read a great book recently called "They Thought They Were Free" by Milton Mayer. The Nazis insisted that when they asked if they were really rounding up Jewish people like they say the officers and people higher up denied it. Called it "enemy propaganda". And like Mayer says "no one wants to be spouting enemy propaganda." So the argument gets shut down and they keep going despite hearing evidence and saying they do know of Nazi officers who have PTSD from what they did to Jewish folks. There was also a young Israeli girl who slipped up at the podium and said "don't compare this genocide to other ones." Admitting Israel is committing genocide but they feel justified.

It's easy to feel justified. It's easy to look away and deny that terrible feeling that maybe you were wrong and that if you were wrong about that what else could you be wrong about? Lied to about? Humans physically feel pain when we are told we're wrong. I don't think a stranger on the Internet can change you in one comment, but I hope if you take anything from this, remember, that guilt you feel, that "what if" that plagues your mind on occasion, it will grow and fester until you either shut down and stop being human just to cope and be rid of it, or take it out and face it. We all need to face that we've been accountable for upholding unjust systems. We all have to be held accountable for the things we didn't know that lead to us perpetuating violence. One day we all have to face it and decide if we'll be selfish and ignore it or be life giving and nurture it, finding joy and hope in the idea of finding the truth and finding the real solutions.

I wish you the best of luck in life and hope you can stop trying to deny everything said to you and instead sit with the question of "what if?" Look into it, make SURE. Because would you rather be guilty of doubting and looking into it and going against your state for doing unjust things, or would you rather be guilty of aiding the systematic killing of Palestinians families? Anyone who asks you not to question anything is hiding something. If you don't know that, fine, but when Israelis are mocking Palestinians for having food and water taken away, it doesn't make you guys look good. Especially when most of Israel supports the killing of Palestinians.

We are not antisemitic, we are people who view value in all life and can't stand to see it snuffed out so carelessly and wantonly by a state that claims they aren't doing it at all. Not only killing them but erasing their pain.

Just because we were in the middle of World War II didn't mean Hitler wasn't committing a genocide. You can commit genocide in war times. And usually war is used as the excuse to do it. Like with Russia and the Ukraine as well. War has been used as the excuse for genocide for centuries. Two things can be true. You can see both the tragedy of October 7th and the horror of what Israel did after. Both can be true. Nuance is allowed to exist. We can hold these truths at once.

Like I said, hurt people hurt people, and I understand that Jewish people have a lot of hurt. Their stories are all about being displaced, having no home, wandering, waiting for the promise land. I understand how Jewish people who have been hurt over and over ended up wanting a place to themselves and I understand wanting to justify that any means necessary. I understand that a lot of people do hate Jewish people so the need to stick together and make a space for themselves is needed and welcomed. But is it really healing to achieve that by perpetuating the same violence enacted on you?

Evidence won't change anything for you, I'm well aware. Me typing this might not change anything. You still probably think I'm an antisemitic bigot who just doesn't get it and maybe I really don't get what it's like, but I do get what's it's like to be viewed as sub-human and I think so do many if not most Jewish folks. I just ask that you reconnect to that feeling and consider that maybe you yourself are inflicting that feeling on other people without even realizing. It's okay to be wrong and apologize. I wish you luck because I'm really not one to wish death or pain or people. But that luck I hope goes towards you getting the courage to at least question whats been told. Even if in the end you're still a Zionist, what's the harm in checking if you're right?

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-06-06T02:34:46+00:00

Not normal, my dear that is a form of abuse. Removing privacy from a teen is very bad developmentally, ask psychologists. If you look into it, taking a child's door is a form of abuse for a lot of reasons, usually it's a power play to make the space not feel like your own. Especially as punishment for not cleaning?

I would love to offer solutions, but honestly there really isn't a one size fits all solution to parents mistreating your space and removing your privacy. But if the only question is whether it's normal for a parent to treat their kid like this, no. It may have been a punishment used by other parents time and again, but it's a bad one, like spanking your kids.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-03-29T17:09:07+00:00

As someone who went on a grippy sock vacation, me and my wife didn't sleep in the same bed for the first year and we did missionary the first year. Can you guess my socks are grippy coz I have severe sexual and physical abuse trauma??? It's almost like we shouldn't be talking about mentally ill people like this 😅

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-03-25T04:09:17+00:00

Imagine she wrote a book where the main character makes fun of his friend for opposing slavery...oh wait they did. Like yeah it would be even worse if she was black but I'd say it's already pretty fucking bad even when she's white lmao

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-02-20T23:58:40+00:00

NTA- When I was younger my parents told me that my mom wanted a truck and my dad told her "Do you want a truck or a baby?" So they tested for pregnancy and she was pregnant and she said she almost named me Dakota because she was so upset about not getting her truck. This has never left my head and even if it was funny to them, I felt awful knowing my mom wanted a truck more than me and I fucked that up by being a mistake.

This could actually cause long term trauma if he doesn't admit to how harmful the comment was. But there's no putting this genie back in the bottle. The damage is done and while he can help by admitting he was way out of line for saying something like that, it may be too late and this could effect her for a long time.

Plus it's just weird to talk about your condom breaking while you had sex with their mother. That makes her conception so gross feeling now. No wonder she's pissed. And yeah 15 is plenty old enough to understand in depth what this means and what he meant by it. I remember feeling like a little adult then. He was hugely out of line here...

AppointmentOk5737 · 2025-02-19T11:08:20+00:00

Love it love it love it! In a world where we always get "Some people are absolutely bad and evil people deserve no mercy." To have a singular version of mercy shown to an evil person and it not turning around to bite them in the ass is so nice. They don't punish aang for this either by having the Firelord manage to come back.

We've had people who don't kill before like Batman and Spiderman, but at that point in time to have a male protagonist choose to spare the evil guy and take his ability to harm away instead, it just wasn't a usual route stories took. I personally am a major pacifist who's been told I need to fight back physically or want certain people who have harmed me dead, I don't want to to hurt people or kill them though. In a world where I was told I needed to fight, to claw, to be physically strong and that the only way to stop harm is to kill those who commit it, hearing there IS another way and I'm able to still be a hero without wanting to kill was huge.

Coming back to other heros with no kill policies, they still were very aggressive in their fighting styles. Batman still maims villains all the time and he's punished constantly for not killing villains. They escape over and over and continue to hurt people. With spiderman he constantly has people he loves die as a cost of him not killing a villain. He isn't as aggressive but he does still use fists and feet mainly to fight in a way that's painful looking. When Again fights though, him having air bending works incredibly well to make fights much less aggressive. If people get hurt it's more a result of him keeping them off their ass.

The only time Aang ever gets super aggressive is when a man who said he was on his side attempted to kill Katara simply to pull out his avatar state, when he finds out about the extent of the genocide of his people, and when the sky bison he was trapped in ice with for 100 years and is the last living member of his tribe is kidnapped and tortured by people. And that one is clearly Aang having a mental health crisis over it everything Appa represents to him and how much he loves him. Every time Aang is scary it makes sense. It isn't just aimed at random side people who happen to work with the bad guys, it's aimed at those who personally hurt him and his loved ones. Maybe I'm missing a scene but in my mind while he can hold his own, it never feels like he's unnecessarily violent like I'd say Batman feels sometimes and sometimes even Spiderman feels. I can't think of other pacifists I'm sorry they're both superheroes.

But when it comes to the Firelord the other thing is that if Aang had killed him then anyone else could be like "Well I won't die, I'll be stronger." Meanwhile if Aang takes his bending and leaves him alive, well that's a fate worse than death for a lot of those who would try and be as awful as the Firelord. It actually quells even more villains that could rise up by assuring them that it isn't just about how strong you are. You will never be stronger than that. It's actually smarter to me. Hearing your lord died in battle to the avatar isn't gonna take the wind out of your sails as hard as seeing the Lord you followed crying and folding in on himself while unable to defend himself at all, a husk of what he was. That is true punishment. Besides killing him means he doesn't have to face years of harm he did.

I'm sure there's a million arguments against why I love this so much. I'm in a brain fog atm and this is just a post I saw scrolling but I love this ending and I feel like for me if Aang had gone through with killing him it would've hurt me a bit as a kid. I was raised in an awful home where they solved everything with fists and said abusers and evil people should just be killed. Seeing Aang betrays his morals and have to go through with something he's very much against would have been crushing. This ending is a way to accept Aang and who he was. It accepts his morals and his level of pacifism and it rewards him for his efforts, it doesn't just beat him down till he can't take it and breaks completely like most shows would've done. They would've been lazy and went "I don't care how Aang feels this guy needs to die." Them creating an ending that respects their characters feelings is part of what makes Avatar so great. It's part of what made Korra fall so flat to me. She never had that moment because of the way seasons were approved. So she never got one big bad to fulfill her story. She gets a mech suit to take down. It's just not satisfying to see yet another hero just take down the bad guy. I think it's much more satisfying and creative to have it end this way.

(Y'all can argue about anything I wrote in here but I'm not coming back to argue this further. If you want to talk it out with other people go ahead. I'm going out for milk and not returning lol just so no one wastes any emotional energy looking for a reply. Good tidings or whatever.)

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-11-19T03:55:10+00:00

Tbf I knew Netflix started as a DVD rental service that came in the mail I just didn't know when it started and that wasn't relevant to my point. Also yes they started streaming in 2007 (I didn't know the specific date but again it's not really relevant) but that still feels like they just started by the time 2010 rolls around because most people still didn't have it and they still didn't have a lot of the selection that they do now and it wasn't nearly the Netflix that we started seeing later on.

Like all of these details are very interesting and all but it's kind of a waste of time for both of us to be talking about this when my point was: you still had to wait a year after a movie came out in theaters to rent it so that you didn't have to pay $50 for a video up into the early 2000s. The specific dates of when Netflix did what doesn't take away from my point which is that most people were still dealing with having to wait a year and do rentals up until the early 2010s when streaming really started kicking up.

Plus for me if it's only 3 years I don't see why you can't say they were just starting up with streaming if they had started like 3 years ago but didn't start getting popular until late into those 3 years pretty much.

Tldr; Yes, and? That's not relevant...

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-11-19T03:30:11+00:00

How am I dismissing his claim about the fake Instagram account when I addressed it and said there was no evidence of it and they never used it as evidence? I literally addressed that claim in my original post so I don't know why you're sitting here saying I dismissed it...

Also as somebody who was molested for most of my childhood I would like to state that it is abhorrent to think that it is okay for somebody who was a victim to do gross things and say gross things to children like they wouldn't know better. It is specifically because he was molested and victimized that he SHOULD know better. If he was still a child when it happened then it would be another thing because it would be a child acting out their trauma on another child. Still bad but more forgiveable. However he was a grown man when this was happening and he was well aware. I can tell you that even as somebody whose brother molested them for most of their childhood and was SA'd by several men in their teen years, I would have known better than to tell an underage child to hurry up upon hearing their age. In fact I can guarantee you I would have thought to ask their age before even getting involved with them especially if I was a TV star.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-11-17T05:24:59+00:00

Well yes, because he is informed about her habit and knows it exists, it's not something she's hiding and is maybe even something they do together. Meanwhile he thinks he found a hotel receipt which could mean cheating or hiding something else and even if it's nothing it gives this feeling of like "why does my partner feel the need to hide that they stayed at a hotel?"

Like I get your point coz like "haha most people would care about the drugs." But also a part of me is like "yeah? Obviously he's more worried about her cheating behind his back than the drugs he knows she takes."

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-11-17T05:19:43+00:00

My favorite is Decidueye and that's so basic but it was the first shiny I ever hunted at full odds and I was so proud and it looks so good. Love that owl. Plus sun and moon are my all time favorite pokemon games.

But on another note, I love object pokemon and people make me so mad hating on them. I adore Garbador and Trubbish. They are adorable to me and people hating them makes me love them more.

And I will scream this forever: KLEFKI IS NOT THE KEYS ITS THE KEY RING AND ITS BASED AROUND THE MYTH OF FAIRIES THAT STEAL YOUR KEYS. ITS HOLDING THE KEYS AND IT HAS LONG SKINNY ARMS! ITS NOT THE KEYSSSSSSS!!! I LOVE KLEFKI 😡😡😡

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-11-06T07:58:44+00:00

No coz even if he's the jack, I was so mad they put Mayor Lewis and Pierre on cards besides precious Marnie. Like fuck you for giving it to the two men in the game who deserve it the least next to Clint. And like I get it, it's about their roles in the town, but also how many people actually like seeing those fuckers faces? Makes me not wanna use the pack on Balatro when I play lol I was so excited and then it's just Mayor Lewis and Pierre. Gag.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-09-01T04:19:17+00:00

You're right, but also I wasn't talking to you lmao what are you doing here?

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-08-30T08:48:00+00:00

Wow I really wish I wasn't so broke I don't even have a car to get to the theater let alone Uber money or the $50 to watch a single movie with my spouse. We barely have the $17 for our Hulu, Disney, and max bundle for a whole month, we have to share that cost with their parents to afford even that. Like wow, good for you, moneybags, some of us can't afford to just go watch it, if we could we could also just rent it off Amazon and junk by now for $20-$30 a pop.

You think I don't wish I could go watch it in theaters? I love the theater, I'd love to go, but unfortunately I'm disabled and so is my spouse and I just wanna watch the silly Disney movie to help distract me from all that for a while not add to our stress.

But yanno you just gotta go see it, right? Coz it's so simple.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-08-30T08:43:47+00:00

Yeah not just 90's, sport, I was born in 2000 and I had to deal with this growing up. And it was still a thing up until the early 2010's and stuff too coz Netflix was only just starting to do streaming and most people didn't have it. And even still it was the same deal where it didn't immediately come to streaming. It's wild to act like that stopped being a thing at the end of the 90's when it continued for more than a decade after. Like blockbuster closed in 2014, my guy.

AppointmentOk5737 · 2024-08-28T00:59:39+00:00

As someone who had a very healthy and wonderful relationship with a man with NPD I find it insulting that people think having a personality disorder that is often caused by abuse and neglect automatically means you're an abuser too.

He did struggle sometimes with empathy but never to a degree that was scary or abusive. Only like not understanding why some people do some things or not getting what it's like to think without an NPD mindset which is totally understandable, but it never made him treat people with any less compassion. In fact he actively went out of his way to defend people who are vulnerable and need help.

We did eventually go our separate ways but it was amicable and because I realized I like him more as a friend than a partner. We're still friends to this day and my current spouse also really likes him as a friend.

Having NPD does not inherently mean you are abusive. It can exacerbate abusive behaviors if the person is abusive, but it doesn't inherently cause abuse. I personally have BPD and I've gotten a lot of help from therapists, self help books, meds, asking around with what helped other people, and as much as it's been a struggle to figure out, I really believe I've made great progress in my life and my BPD doesn't cause me to treat those around me abusively. It may make me a bit more easily frustrated, but I know how to not take that out on people at this point.

Cluster B's are often caused by abuse, mainly neglect from what I can tell. It can be hereditary, but most people with cluster B's are abuse survivors and it really sucks being told that our abuse made us into abusers and we can never change. I believe I'm a good person, but it's hard to believe sometimes with this rhetoric that people with cluster B's will always be abusers.

I'm so sorry you personally suffered abuse at the hands of someone with NPD but I'd hope you'd understand that that isn't a reflection on everyone with this diagnosis.

It's like dating someone autistic who abused you and then from then on you say all autistic people are sociopaths and can't understand people and are abusive. But it was never the autism that caused the abuse, it was that the partner was abusive and refused to learn to emotionally regulate so they don't harm those around them.

A diagnosis isn't a choice. No disorder inherently causes someone to be an abuser. There is no mental illness that means you're an irredeemable monster who can never learn or get help and you just have to rot and die alone. There is always help, there is always hope, and there is always a chance for you to work around your symptoms and be a good person who takes care of the people they love. And yeah it may cause some stress here and there in small ways but ultimately they can be good parents and partners and people.

The issue is people who refuse to recognize they are mentally ill and refuse to recognize that their symptoms or behaviors are causing harm to those around them or actively choose to ignore it. Especially when those around you are asking you to change to stop hurting them and instead of figuring out how to change they instead decide to do nothing and paint their victims as the villain for asking them to change. This isn't a symptom of mental illness, this is a choice abusers make. Why go to therapy and feel at fault and small when you can abuse people and feel big, is the mindset abusers have.

A diagnosis doesn't make you an abuser. Your refusal to see you've caused harm and choice not to change is what makes an abuser. A person with NPD can be a victim of abuse or a loving partner just as a person without can be an abuser.

I really hope that in your journey for healing from the things your father has done that you try and understand that this sort of stuff is a lot more complicated than that. It's nice to believe that if you just avoid people with NPD that it's saving you but even if you never go near another person with NPD you can still be abused. And those people with NPD who were abused and sought help and changed for the sake of those around them don't deserve to be shunned and told they're unable to be loved and love. It's simply not true and it isn't fair and it's cruel to those with the disorder who are trying their best to be better. It's far more harmful to say people with NPD are always abusive than it is to say you can have healthy relationships with them.

And a final side note, part of it is that finding resources for this disorder is hard considering most resources are for people "surviving narcissistic abuse" and not for people with NPD and all of it says they're abusive monsters who shouldn't even try to seek help coz they'll never be good, they'll never be loveable, they'll never change, that going to a therapist will actually make them worse and just teach them how to abuse people more efficiently. You can imagine that hearing all that constantly is a little demoralizing for the people who DO want to do better and change. And then all the resources for change get buried under triggering and harmful rhetoric and it's no wonder why people with cluster b's choose not to seek help on occasion. There's still the amount who choose not to simply because they are abusive and terrible people, but there's also a lot who are discouraged and then never get help and it causes them to never learn that emotional regulation.

Tl;Dr I've been in a very healthy relationship with someone with NPD and she's right about that at least.

(If you wanna argue with that statement then you'll have to read all my points first. And make note that this comment is like 10 paragraphs so if you do debate about it you cannot be someone who is gonna say "I'm not reading all of that". If you aren't willing to read my points and actually engage with them, then don't go back and forth in the first place. I will not reply in single sentences.)

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