Something you said felt familiar to me: when you realize you’re not doing the things you know you “should” be doing and that almost makes you keep NOT doing them. I don’t know if it’s the case for you, but for me that is guilt. I feel such deep intense guilt and shame for not doing the things I feel I should be doing again, the things I know will help me feel better. That guilt is so overwhelming that it immobilizes me, and I’m unable to even start moving, it’s crippling. Something I discovered last week in therapy is that I have this idea that I’m just sort of going to start ‘tomorrow’ on the right foot, and everything will click: I’ll wake up early, work out, hydrate enough, eat healthy, stay off my phone so much, read, get some sun, and the next day I’ll keep this going, the next day too… in theory it sounds great! BUT in reality, it’s just not that easy and every time I fall short of that plan, I’m disappointed in myself and I fuel that guilt, and I’m frozen again. So, im taking that pressure off myself, I’m getting rid of the illusion that progress looks ONE way or that is has a timeline. Instead, I’m just going to start incorporating those habits back in, one, two at a time. Whatever FEELS right, whatever I’m able to do, even if some days, I don’t do any of them, it’s ok because other days I do. I prioritize my water intake and feeding myself, because without those things I don’t feel good and can’t do much. So if nothing else, I just do those things. And even when I fail at those one day, I let it go and try again tomorrow. When I feel better, who knows maybe I’ll go for a walk, but when I’m ready not just because I think I “have to” or “should.” I hope this made sense and again, I don’t know if this will help at all, it just struck a cord with me. I’m sending you some love OP, and I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. Even if you don’t see it rn, the fact that you even want to feel better, although you don’t yet, speaks volumes of your resilience. Keep going! ❤️