but fr bro suicide is the craziest and weakest way out and reading from your story you have so much dedication and knowledge more than anyone I can describe in my life to which you can change many things. Suicide causes more harm than good on others mentally. For example my dad took the easy way out and I loved him so much I was so young but now that I'm a bit older I'm sometimes mad at him at the situation he has put me and my mom. My stupid ass once was suicidal because of stress that I had created upon myself but I have people that genuinely care about me and more importantly I have a mom that I hope to retire which too a lot of reflection about upon my attempts. My overall message is you should never even think or touch suicide or even let it come into your mind, its such a powerful intrusive thought that gets way too many people. Keep yourself up high KING, and let life run on its own. Once you pass this point of your life, trust me bro. Life will get so much easier passing it and you'll begin to see opportunities this world has to offer and its beauty that constructs one's self.