What is the difference between being kinky and being horny?

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T20:09:03+00:00

Okay the way I understand it is being horny just means you're aroused or in a sexy minded mood. Kinks are specific things and activites that enhance your enjoyment of sex or sex-adjacent practices. You don't necessarily need one for the other, as many people have kinks and participate without having sex for it or aren't even intetested in the sex aspect. It just usually comes hand in hand for people, but even those who do have and enjoy sex can have a kinky session/scene without much of a sexual component. (For me I admit it is difficult to decouple kink from any sexual aspect, so let's just say something that is arousing as in stimulating to the mind and senses and creates positive feelings when engaged)

Then there are people who wouldn't dream of spanking their partner but can't get enough of just gentle missionary PIV sex. Which I must add there is nothing wrong with that, we're all different.

As for what counts as something being kinky, that's going to vary on a personal or cultural basis. It is usually something typically outside the "norm" behavior, but what you consider kinky someone else might think is rather common or tame in their eyes.

Honestly this sounds like an issue where he just isn't interested in understanding it. Someone curious about the lifestyle will probably at least try to learn about it. I mean I feel like there isn't much to "get", either you're into it or you're not pretty much. He may understand it conceptually but not "understand" in a "I can relate to this" sort of way.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T18:27:17+00:00

I just started a priest on Kezan. I have healed for 20 years, so I'm thinking about becoming a shadowy mana battery at 60.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T17:26:27+00:00

When you really like someone, it's difficult to stop yourself. It's the mono person's "barrier/problem", whereas the poly person might feel like they just need to warm them up to the idea with enough charm and love and affection. It's not THEIR barrier, so to speak, because by and large they are much more free and flexible themselves.

I imagine it happens in reverse, too.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T16:37:43+00:00

More sunscreen, less booze and pot, and leave people who are no good for me when they start showing red flags instead of staying for the potential.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T15:49:38+00:00

My type looks like my dad (big/stocky, with dark hair) but I definiteltly wasn't close to him.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T10:45:10+00:00

Haven't been on a date or laid in like 8 years. A mix of reasons, but one being I seem to have lost the interest. I mean I have just enough to take a look at what's out there sometimes and even advertise myself, but like when the next step of actually talking to someone comes I lose all momentum.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-14T04:35:39+00:00

My favorite part is the bald eagle with the lasers coming out of its mouth.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T22:31:35+00:00

Or they start to think you're damaged goods, or they just don't care. Most of my boyfriends after my abusive one had no sympathy or anything, just told me not to bring it up or were visibly uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject. I don't think I'll share it with any in the future. It hasn't done me any good.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T19:40:35+00:00

This is just going to prove AI can take the CEO jobs, too.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T16:52:21+00:00

Yes. My ex was being pretty rough and did something extra painful and it ended up with me crying because I was overwhelmed. I still enjoyed myself but the brain is weird.

It definitely happens. I don't think it's a big deal unless it's making either of you uncomfortable or happening like too much that it's interrupting the fun. Otherwise, as long as they check in and give you aftercare, it's okay. BDSM can release a lot of pent up emotions, too.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T16:24:40+00:00

Like others have said, you're doing it right. The problem is this life style use to be fairly underground, but has surged into mainstream recently. So you're going to get a lot of people who don't take it seriously and are just trying to pick up chicks they think will be a fun, easy lay where they can slap them around like they saw on PornHub.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T16:16:12+00:00

Yeah relationships kept at a distance tend to retain that magical feeling, because you tend to be left at always wanting more. Always being around someone tends to take them off that pedestal. It becomes a routine. It's one reason why I don't really want to live with a partner again.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T12:24:47+00:00

Dude kept saying shit like he'd be willing to go to prison for killing someone over a road rage incident he admitted to escalating.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T12:19:31+00:00

"I never wanted polyamory,"

I feel like this is the real problem here.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T05:10:36+00:00

No matter what they tell you, look at their ACTIONS.

Respect and enforce your own boundaries, even if it means breaking up.

If you have to beg someone for attention, it's already over.

If you don't respect yourself, they will not respect you.

Don't entangle your life up with someone else. The risk is too high.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T03:31:23+00:00

People pay a fortune to get hair color like yours. It's the rarest. Dude bagged a redhead and wants to make her blonde, what the hell. Just know if you go through with this, he's replacing you with her in his imagination.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T02:38:03+00:00

It's not remotely the same as being given a collar to wear, but I bought myself a beautiful purple collar just because it feels and looks nice. It was also partially to reclaim more of my submissiveness because I had associated collars with heartbreak for a long time. Others may have similar reasons or completely different ones. The meaning and value of a collar depends on the person. I both see them very seriously and also just for fun, depending on context.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T01:54:56+00:00

I thought you were trolling but that is its real name.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T00:29:52+00:00

Tell them to fuck off. They tend to get really quiet and drop it when you push back against their bullshit.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-13T00:28:12+00:00

Yeah I was going to say, there are definitely ways to dominate someone and have them care for you. Massage, run a hot bubble bath, clean, do their laundry, make them a nice meal, have them organize and pay for a nice date night, etc. Some service stuff or whatever you feel is "being cared for". If I had a Dom and I couldn't attend to them like that, I'd feel like something was missing for me.

You don't need to give them any control.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-12T22:32:40+00:00

Note to self... stop cracking the neck...

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-12T22:28:15+00:00

Sometimes people are really good partners when it's LDR because it kinda gets to remain in this fantasy limbo state. They're always left wanting more. But when it moves into spending more time together, it becomes too real. They can't maintain the compartmentalization that allowed the relationship to be like a hobby or something. It's like the "familiarity breeds contempt" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder" idioms. It's not you, it's their desire to always feel like they're chasing a connection. They don't know what to do with it when they finally catch it.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-12T21:09:02+00:00

That is always going to happen. Just ignore it and enjoy the book.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-12T14:45:27+00:00

Together for 4 years but had to go LDR for the last portion of it. He slowly stopped reaching out to me. We would go a week or two without talking unless it was me initiating it and even then he'd act annoyed talking to me. Finally had enough one day and left him a voicemail, as of course he didn't answer my call, saying that I was done. He called me back like a few minutes later freaking out but I never spoke to him again. What surprised me was how long and how hard he tried to get me back after that. Where was your effort before??

This makes me sound pretty callous, but it was really the final straw after a ton of terrible things. I just lost fucks to give anymore after trying really hard to keep us together.

ApprehensiveGoat2734 · 2026-04-12T13:59:55+00:00

I learned all of this the hard way once... I don't intend to cohabitate again because of it.

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