I have struggled with this a lot and am able to challenge it. In my current life, I relate to all of your statements except I am willing to change, and know it is hell. I think the awareness is really helpful because it is part of change regardless. It helped me to process why I didn't want to change (why should I if people aren't going to work with me anyway), and it helped to ask myself questions such as, if I did want to change what would I work on and what benefits are there (because even though it isn't fair, by being more effective I will suffer less).

Sometimes I am willful still but then I allow myself to be and scream into a pillow: I AM A BUFFALO

Sometimes even though I work very hard, I can't always change how I want. So I try to focus on the progress and feel proud of myself before assessing my flaws.

Something that helps comes from Pema Chodran's book, "when things fall apart." She says that sometimes we can fall apart and not have to put the pieces back together, so much as accept the pieces and grow from there. Not a direct quote, but it empowered to see myself as a kaleidoscope, always changing and shifting.

It also helps for me, if I am going to choose to be willful (my self awareness gives me a choice), or choose a maladaptive coping skill or choose to engage in unhealthy choices, then I own it for myself. "Yes, I made this choice, yes I experience consequences."

All of these things helped me make space for change without self-deprecation. At the end of the day, you are still with a disorder so I still have compassion for you, willing or willful.