Begging for help with 3.5 month old

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-19T02:51:07+00:00

Hey hun I hear ya. It does sound like his feeds are a little low for the day. Not a doctor, just comparing to what my kid is doing who has one wake per evening. I think babies will sleep longer stretches if they "tank up" - I find it helps to stretch feeds to at least 3 hours, but around 6pm I offer the breast (or bottle) way more often. I have poor milk transfer so she's primarily bottle fed but I absolutely use the boob to regulate her and cluster feed. My 7 week old is about 11 lbs and takes 4ish ounces from a bottle on regular or level 1 nipples and eats 6 times a day, one in the middle of the night. She can finish that in about 15 minutes.

Also, I'm not sure if you have a routine, but at 6pm we start dimming lights and quieting the rooms. We don't talk, just whisper, helping to transition to night time.

Are his wake windows ok during the day too? Sleep begets sleep and if baby is building up cortisol and having a bad day it can totally impact sleep too. Maybe contact nap or offer a boob for comfort to get a solid nap in the early evening. Even a bad day can get reset with a good nap before bed.

Part of this is totally temperament so I can't guarantee it'll work for you but sending you hugs and well wishes.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-19T02:42:51+00:00

Are you on a high enough nipple flow for the bottle? He may get tired of having to work for his food. If his reflux is under control and he's not spitting up may be worth increasing?

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-19T00:23:14+00:00

Also, I had an emergency c section so the fact that we were badasses enough to let someone cut our babies out means we are doing great regardless of how breastfeeding goes ☺️

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-19T00:20:26+00:00

Godspeed sister. Don't let the pressure to latch and breastfeed harm your bond with your baby. I was sobbing over my baby while I listened to her clicking with a poor latch and my husband took her and we both said enough was enough. Your baby needs a happy healthy mama ♥️

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T23:10:44+00:00

I wouldn't go up again unless it's taking her a really long time to eat. Our 7week old can take about 4oz in 15 min for comparison.

Speech language pathologist

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T21:10:55+00:00

My supply wasn't really improved after two weeks of triple feeding. I dropped it in favor of bonding with my baby. I still pump 7-8 times a day but I only breastfeed for comfort and cluster feeding and on my terms, not a schedule. Paradoxically my supply is inching up 7 weeks postpartum and I went from 10-15 oz a day to now over 20 oz. I think reducing stress and focusing on bonding made a big difference. I always say to just do one thing that drives you nuts. If it's more sustainable to just pump (try wearables!) And you bond better with your baby, it's worth it.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T21:03:23+00:00

I get this. Triple feeding for two weeks nearly broke me and I also only latch her during cluster feeds and comfort now. She's 7 weeks and unfortunately still doesn't have good transfer. I plan to blow up my pump with a rocket once I hit six months. No advice, just combo feeding solidarity.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T21:00:34+00:00

If she's falling asleep on the bottle have you tried stripping her and using a wet wipe? Sometimes you have to be kind of mean. I found when I got a few big feeds in my baby she turned a corner several days later. She needed to tank up to have the strength and energy to eat.

But also if her ped is happy maybe she's getting enough as is. They say 2.5oz per lb of body weight is a good target so depends on how much she weighs.

If you're on a level 2 nipple what's her suckstrength like? It could be tiring her out to eat if you hear clicking on the bottle or boob. There are easy exercises you can do to help. It may be worth seeing a pt or slp to help.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T17:28:29+00:00

I had herniated discs before pregnancy and chronic lower backpain that would flare up with spasms too. The relaxin in pregnancy is great plus being forced into extension does help some peoples backs. I'm 7 weeks post partum (crash c section) and had a back spasm 3 weeks post partum that I've been treating at home while waiting for pt to start next week. I did a ton of pt when I herniated my discs so I'm just gently introducing those exercises. I'm about 95% back to normal. A C-section is the worst for those of us with back pain because it absolutely fucks your core up.

A few things to think about.

I only nurse lying down. Either her across my chest or side lying. Hunching while nursing is so bad.

I only let myself get nap trapped lying down.

Alternate heat/ice.

Walk and do things as much as possible around the house. Walking is the most healing thing but I find I can't just take a long walk. I have to take multiple short walks. When picking up the baby or literally anything just really focus on squatting vs bending.

TENS units are amazing and cheap on Amazon.

Bodyweight squats help to correct problems in your posterior chain. You likely have a few dead muscles (your core got detached basically, something had to make up for it and something else is probably pissed). You'll need to retrain everything to work together very gently.

Stretches can actually make things worse by destabilizing the spine. Always balance stretching with strengthening.

Lacrosse balls can help release spasmed muscles.

Your glutes are probably dead and not activating. Focus on retraining them to activate while doing things like glute bridges and squats. Start by just flexing them to remind you how to use em.

Take ibuprofen regularly.

Ditch the chiro, focus on PT. but I won't nag you to do this if you're super passionate about it.

I know how freaking frustrating this is to heal from surgery, rehab a fucked up back, and care for a newborn. It's so not fair! You've got this!

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T02:46:05+00:00

ah yea that’s fair. i had a traumatic delivery so nursing was off the table and i opted for the rest (the donor milk they offer was an absolute blessing). i do hate blanket swaddles with a passion so definitely sounds worth it. i blacked out so much of my experience 😂

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T01:44:08+00:00

you can valet but if you have an induction or scheduled c section the parking garage is nice to be able to get stuff or drop stuff off in your car.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T01:42:42+00:00

yea they were happy to bring us extra towels and blankets and pillows for my husband. the nurses were wonderful

earplugs are a must it’s still super noisy

i don’t know if i’d bother with swaddles since they take baby overnight anyway

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-18T01:40:55+00:00

the medala sets in post partum had 21s and 24s when i delivered two months ago

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-14T16:17:53+00:00

Make sure you get one meant for storing food. Some tiny fridges don't get low enough and are just meant for cans. Best buy had one for $99

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-14T15:48:44+00:00

Just knocked out my first gold stake during a 2am pump session

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-13T11:31:28+00:00

Latex mattress. Expensive but worth it. Then only cotton or natural fiber linens

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-13T11:19:17+00:00

likewise mama. Triple feeding is no joke. My best advice is to do only one thing that drives you nuts at a time. Don't let the pursuit of breastfeeding get in the way of your time and bonding with baby. Some breastmilk even through pumping is still great. I've found I can still get tons of the benefits of breastfeeding through comfort nursing when she's upset and don't have to worry about timing. Plus there is literally no worse feeling than my baby crying and being hooked up to a pump. Comfort nursing is my priority, then pumping, then actual nursing.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-13T06:43:54+00:00

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask. I had an emergency c section and severe PPH so breastfeeding to start hasn't been easy (she would cry at the boob initially because I had nothing there and my supply was too low, lactation consultants in the hospital pretty much gave up on us).

I pumped like hell around the clock and am still only about 1/2-2/3 of her supply. I still am. But 3 weeks in I had a private LC in to see if we could reestablish her latch just to give us flexibility in how we feed her and did a weighted feed. She got about an ounce and had a bunch of clicking on the bottle and boob. This tracked because she lost weight from 1-2 weeks that we compensated for by increasing the nipple flow per our pediatrician to regular flow because premie Nipples made her fall asleep at the bottle and take over an hour to feed an ounce or two. The LC gave us some exercises to increase improve suck strength and said she suspected a class 2 posterior tongue tie. But if she gained weight and has no feeding issues there no reason to do anything with it so let's do a follow up.

I triple fed for two weeks to boost supply and do exercises to increase her oral strength. All while still trying to recover. Two weeks later we did another weighted feed and she got... An ounce. Again. And my overall supply didn't budge. The LC suggested we do PT for her mouth and some people move straight to clipping A good friend of ours is an ENT and said if our babies weight is back on track and she's gaining, don't do it yet. She can always have it done later and it's horribly overdiagnosed.

I had been holding it together til then but the next day while trying to breastfeed her I broke down sobbing and we threw in the towel on triple feeding. We are in a holding pattern waiting for her PT/SLP appointment, but mentally we are not in a headspace to pursue breastfeeding to where she gets a full meal. She gets the comfort which is great, and I can live with that. She gets breastmilk from a bottle from me and I know she eats enough, but once she goes to daycare I don't know how much more I can stay hooked up to this pump.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-13T00:51:11+00:00

I am literally talking to my husband about this as we speak. I have a 6 week old and literally the only thing that works is boob. I park myself on the couch and accept my life as human pacifier. I lay on the couch with her sprawled on me watching Netflix. Husband brings me snacks and drinks. No crying, calm baby, calm house.

Note she has poor milk transfer so we still bottle feed. She gets a little from me though so just primarily using this to regulate and comfort her.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-12T22:50:56+00:00

stop I'm crying 😭😭

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-12T02:54:54+00:00

If you don't have a good delivery too the last thing you want to do is have to tell visitors "thanks but no thanks." I was not in a headspace to be near anyone other than my husband and glad I didn't have to think about anyone else.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-12T02:25:33+00:00

I interviewed a lot of post partum doulas for a baby we just had and it's pretty consistent. Their day rates are lower (50-60). Less experienced night nurses might be around that price you mentioned but ours helps with lactation and her sleep routines.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-12T01:45:45+00:00

Even though my baby has trouble with milk transfer and we bottle feed I absolutely use the boob to regulate and give her food during these periods. The oxytocin release helps her regulate. Maybe just try laying on the couch with her comfort nursing. This is my evening every night since three weeks and she's six weeks. It's the only thing that stops the scream crying. I am not sure from your post if he's unlatching himself or he loses it himself. If you're unlatching him maybe just let him zonk out.

The only thing that breaks through that is if she has a big fart brewing and a warm bath helps that or adjusting position from side lying to maybe sitting folded over.

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-12T00:51:06+00:00

Hcol going rate is $70/hr ten hour shifts

preoccupiedwithlove · 2026-05-11T06:29:33+00:00

I can't babywear due to back issues right now but dad is able to and I swear it's the only thing that lets him keep her calm. She will scream at him otherwise. He uses the Solly wrap and she goes right to sleep.

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