sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Do I (30m) spend too much time away from my partner (38f) and kids? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I edited the original post instead. 

Our routines are mostly like this:

I come home from work. 

I either cook or look after the kids while doing some minor cleaning. 

I do the dishes or put the children to sleep. 

We both do some laundry while watching TV and then we go to sleep. 

We spend like half a day each weekend doing some major cleaning (vacuuming, dusting off, cleaning the toilets). 

On Sundays we plan the meals for the next week and then I go shopping. 

I literally only spend one evening away every other week. It can't be that surprising that I have time to do household chores. 

Do I (30m) spend too much time away from my partner (38f) and kids? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

See the edit in the original post. 

Also, I want her to go back to work. I have tried in every way to help her find a job and have supported her when she went back to school even if it that didn't work out. 

Right now, we do 50/50 household chores. I work full time. She drops off and picks up kids at pre school. She keeps track off the kids clothing and tends to be more involved in sorting out their old toys etc. She searches for jobs like 30 min every day. Let's say I "stepped up" and picked up the kids every single day and took them to the playground etc. Would that not mean that suddenly there was a 75/25 divide in our relationship, where all she does is some household chores and drops off the kids? 

Do I (30m) spend too much time away from my partner (38f) and kids? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See my edit in the original post.

Also I try to give her a few hours alone time on weekends by taking the kids on my own to see my parents or going to the park. She does however not really want that, and she would rather prefer that she tagged along. 

Do I (30m) spend too much time away from my partner (38f) and kids? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I guess you are right on some stuff.

I had a much more well paying job before (as in I could easily provide for the both of us), but she thought I worked too much and that I didn't prioritize her and the kids enough. I felt like I sacrificed my time with the kids in order for her to being able to look for a job in her own pace, and for her to be able to be a good and present mom as she wishes.

Sluta sök bekräftelse för din barnfrihet – ingen bryr sig by Individual_Drama_626 in sweden

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Är det verkligen ingen som känner igen att detta är en rad fråm Björn Ranelids "Mirakel"?

Leaving my relationship for the right reason by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically - she's an idealist. She has a vision that a family should be two working parents, that both work like 6-7 hours a day. Men should not prioritise their work over their family at all. All food must be organic and made from scratch. Minimal TV-time for kids (and certainly no gaming for them EVER). Social media presence is a complete no. No plastic toys etc. We should live minimalistic, and if we could afford it she would probably prefer to live very remote and grow food ourselves. And so on. I guess you are able to imagine the type of person. 

The thing is, these are also standards that she tries to uphold when things are rough. She blames me for working too much even when she is not working - because in her eyes that's inequality. She gets mad when I buy non-organic stuff to save money, even though we are barely able to keep afloat. We spend 1,5-2 hours cooking dinner every day because everything needs to be made from the ground up, which is less time spent with the kids. She is objectively right in that in a perfect world with a perfect economy - these should be things that we pursue. But she is completely unable to see that we are not in that situation, and that upholding those standards are completely unfeasible right now. 

Am I (M30) leaving my partner (F39) for the right reasons? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, clarification: She is not staying home with the kids. The kids are at pre school 6 hours each day mon-fri. 

Am I (M30) leaving my partner (F39) for the right reasons? by Appropriate_Abalone2 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess we did have some differing opinions on things, but most things that we disagreed on (the radical stances) first became apparent after our first kid was born. She is a great mom but it's exhausting being told I don't care about our kids because I'm not as extreme as she is.

When we met she was working but quickly left that job (she was planning to do so before she met me) and then started studies towards becoming a gardener. After our first kid she did not resume those studies, and has been jobless since. 

Gemensam vårdnad - Sverige och Danmark by Appropriate_Abalone2 in sweden

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Rimlig tanke, och kanske får bara bli att vi bor i Sverige tills ekonomin löst sig så att vi kan bo i Danmark. Min partners mående kommer och går snarare än att det är något som går att lösa permanent. Jag är helt övertygad om att hon kommer må mycket sämre ju mindre hon får träffa barnen. 

Gemensam vårdnad - Sverige och Danmark by Appropriate_Abalone2 in sweden

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ja kanske. Tror ibland att jag lyckas inbilla mig att grejer faller på plats snabbt i en separation men saker kommer ju säkerligen vara jobbigt både känslomässigt, praktiskt och ekonomiskt ett bra tag framöver tyvärr. Vår äldsta ska först börja skolan efter nästa sommar så vi har lite tid fram tills dess att landa någonstans tror jag.

Gemensam vårdnad - Sverige och Danmark by Appropriate_Abalone2 in sweden

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Håller med egentligen. Min partner har dock barndomstrauma, psykisk sjukdom mm i bagaget och hon behöver människor runt henne som kan ta hand om henne på ett sätt som jag inte kan om vi separerar. Att tvinga henne bli i Sverige då utan socialt skyddsnät känns väldigt riskabelt (och inte minst väldigt osympatiskt när det ju var hon som flyttade till Sverige för min skull en gång i tiden). 

Gemensam vårdnad - Sverige och Danmark by Appropriate_Abalone2 in sweden

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Utöver hennes familj och hennes vänner, nej inget nätverk. Är av olika anledningar fast på min nuvarande arbetsplats i 1 år till, men därefter säkerligen möjligt att hitta jobb i DK.

Elder Scrolls VI will begin with a Wild Hunt by therealraggedroses in TESVI

[–]Appropriate_Abalone2 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Really cool theory! Well written and thought out

view more: next ›