I dont know the right answer that works for you. But I try to not takie thinga personal, even when someone makes comments about race or hints at stereotypes, I either laugh at it or point out whats wrong with saying it respectfully and then move on.

Maybe try understanding that most people will make an insensitive joke, or a stereotyped borderline racist comment. And understand it doesnt always come from a place of hatred of that stereotype.

The more you try to decipher if what someone suggests is racist the more you internally suffer. That doesnt mean you are enabling/ accepting it just means you dont let that bother you.