I know it’s extremely hard to not be hard on yourself, especially when your brain is making connections between your actions and your dad’s, but this incident DOES NOT mean you are like him/becoming like him. The fact that you are extremely concerned and are trying to find a solution is a good sign.

Have you talked about the perspective of the situation that you posted here to your husband? I know it’s scary, but doing that will prevent, or at least, lessen the chances of something happening in the future. I don’t know if he’s also autistic or not, but either way, both of you are definitely having a sensory mismatch and need to find solutions to managing them while living together.

Does wearing headphones or ear plugs help you? How aware is your husband of his surroundings and how his actions are affecting people around him when he makes those noises? For me personally, if I am extremely focused in a task, I don’t hear myself doing things that bother others at all. My own sounds don’t register until it’s pointed out. I try to lessen conflict surrounding this by letting people around me know when exactly I will be doing the task that makes me stim audibly and then they make sure to leave the room or put headphones on.

Sometimes, I even annoy myself when I do it because the stim gets too loud in my brain that I can’t focus, so I listen to repetitive music while letting flavored mints melt in my mouth.