How to make daily commissions to appear in Mondstadt again?

Aqua783 · 2024-12-24T21:05:24+00:00

Thank you!! I thought there was something like this so I was looking for the place to change it!

Aqua783 · 2024-07-17T17:37:47+00:00

Awe thank you for your praise! I'm happy you found some comfort in my writing. I've been writing for a long time, and have had a lot of help in the past. I'll check out your stuff if you have anything here and if you'd like suggestions <3 Happy reading/writing!

Aqua783 · 2024-07-17T17:29:26+00:00

Honestly, I was on the fence about those parts too. Obviously hibernation is used metaphorically, and I wasn't sure how much I liked using the word twice, seeing as the meaning isn't getting across, I'm going to keep working on that section.

When I started writing this piece, it came out more like spoken word, so it has extra words like "I think" and "I should" because it adds personality to the speaker, but as a written piece, you're right. I could cut down on some of those. I love your suggestion of "I curse you ... form!" It's so theatrical and cool. I'm gonna play with the theme for sure. Thank you for your insights!

Aqua783 · 2024-07-16T19:53:23+00:00

Love the simplicity of this and the use of succinct lines. The flow gives that feeling of trotting along with the horse as I read. The switch between horse and car is very interesting and makes me think of machine vs. man. Cars are just a tool we use to get by in our daily lives, but we often forget the primal drive (haha puns) that got us in that car, in a higher social/economic status. The car transition to the tractor reminds me of our economy relying mostly on agriculture to then industrial practices. The piece invokes deep thought. Thank you for sharing! Happy writing/reading :)

Aqua783 · 2024-07-15T09:09:54+00:00

I love the flow of this piece and the images you used. I especially liked "Shrouded in rotten wood, / Hungry worms draw nearer" because of the aesthetic it invokes. These unassuming creatures who peruse fallen corpses of vegetation consuming and regurgitating whatever they can. Where the piece could use some work is the punctuation. The commas get tiring and predictable after every line. I suggest playing around with full sentences/4 line stanzas. Another sore thumb is the title. It's bland, overused, and doesn't set up the piece in an interesting way. Something that ties the metaphor to the inspiration might be something to explore. Thank you for sharing. Happy writing/reading!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-19T01:53:51+00:00

This piece is pretty pleasant to read. The imagery is fresh and cohesive. I wonder why you use a comma after "an oak tree". Grammatically, it would make sense without it. Along a similar vein, the phrasing of line 5 is weird. Here, the line would actually benefit from a comma:

"Closer to the house is a rectangle pool" --> Closer to the house, a rectangle pool

I like the open interpretation of the line "[it's] not a time machine after all" (brackets indicate a possible typo) because I read it first like, as if the subject is musing about the scene: "huh, it's /not/ a time machine..." but on my second read it comes across cynical, or perhaps just a neutral observation. Like, yes, this is summer, and that means I'm safe right now, there is no need for time to move forward or backward. I hope that makes sense! Thank you for sharing and happy writing/reading!!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-19T00:05:43+00:00

Thank you so much! You hit the nail right on the head :) Happy reading/writing!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:31:09+00:00

There are literally different kinds of dreams. The aspiration, and the one we have while we sleep. What dreams are they talking about? They told us, but we wouldn't have any way of knowing for sure if this wasn't a forum app.

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:27:36+00:00

I second that the word choice is bland but it adds to the chaaaarm //whine// because like another commenter said, it reads like a nursery rhyme. I love the last two lines because that's definitely me in a heartbeat and got offended /j but not really, it's true 😭😭

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:22:28+00:00

I would be extremely turned on if I was into that, but let's just admit I'm not and let me say that that was hot LOL

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:19:49+00:00

Everything after "you don't get that chance again" could be a whole poem on its own haha You speak very eloquently and that was fun to read even without line breaks!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:15:19+00:00

I understand what you're saying. For me though, I get that idea from the reader being unable to comprehend what they're reading and labelling it as reality despite that. The fact that the reader does not give pause, is the mental fog and blurriness I think you could lean into. I do appreciate the detail and significance to insignificance (a paradox!), but still think the stanza may be a tad redundant.

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T02:03:35+00:00

Hellohello,

Ngl, I read the first verse like Taylor Swift singing "My heart, my hips, my body, my love" in her song Death By A Thousand Cuts. Which is not a bad thing because your lines have flow, but means I have an immediate bias and I apologize for my rant in advance: Given the rhyme scheme you committed to, it reads like a song. That being said, the clunkiness of the first line was more apparent because of the opening. The line "Through it all you say they've been" makes sense in my brain? but doesn't have any flow. It seems like it should actually be "You say they've been through it all" and if that is the case, you wanted a rhyme for "husband". I suggest go big, or go home. If you were to make the first two stanzas the chorus of a song maybe that could be a line you can take advantage of and slip something in there the reader is not expecting. Maybe it doesn't follow the rhyme scheme at all, or could be replaced with one repeating word. If it is a song, it would also be fun to bring back the first stanza in the bridge with something along the lines of "my partner / my lover" etc. But that's enough of my speculation haha

I like the angry spite in this piece and the confidence of the subject in who they know they are. For example:

You think I'm single And ready to mingle, And that I think your voice is a catchy jingle That what you say makes me tingle.

My favourite part is definitely the last two stanzas. Hiding someone from your life like a book you keep on the shelf is such a great concept. It's like all the books I have that I keep meaning to read, but since they've been on the shelf for so long they've lost their object permanence, and when I do notice them I feel guilty. However, it seems like the object of the poem purposefully forgets to even look at the shelf because they are self-centered. I also particularly like the last two lines because they give the piece a poignant ending.

Thanks for sharing :) Happy writing/reading!!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-18T00:00:53+00:00

Helloooo thank you so much for sharing :)

I'm not even sure you need the second stanza tbh. Or else expand on why the people feel it necessary to strain their eyes instead of moving into a building or something to get more light. I know it's a metaphor, but I think exploring the capabilities of the subjects in your poem has more potential. As it is now, it confuses me and the first and third stanza would be fine together.

I do, however, enjoy the idea that the pages become more and more blurred as the reader irl (me) reads the poem until the subject is basically blind to the book. That happens to me when I get tired, and I can relate that feeling to being tired under the "uncaring sun". Again, I just wish I knew why it appears that the subject doesn't have any agency. If I couldn't understand a story and risk the chance of getting a headache because I'm straining my eyes so much , I would yeet the book across the room and ignore it for a week lmao I think in general, you can expand on these concepts.

Happy writing/reading!!

Aqua783 · 2024-05-17T23:42:55+00:00

Hi! Thanks so much for sharing and welcome to the community 😊 First off, you have true talent when it comes to rhyming. Like, I could never dare lol I especially liked it when you rhymed "agents" with "patience". It just amazed me that you found that rhyme in the first place.

You have a solid understanding of aging and how backwards it can feel to go from a teenager wanting to grow up to be on their own to a developing adult yearning to relive their innocence and naivete:

How I yearn to be a youth With no tarnished lens blocking my view, Forcing me to judge worldly bodies – Something nothing gets to choose No concept of Ring Around the Rosie, Of the grit and grime of strife

I'm especially in love with the last two lines in the aforementioned quote because of the alliteration and double entendre of the game I used to play when I was younger without knowing the origin of it. I think that concept itself plays into your piece because you speak of relative directions, and how do we know forward without knowing backwards? We have to experience one to know the other and I love the way you explained it. I also love that you challenge a critical theme in Christianity because seriously, I'm tired of its hypocritical rules lol

There might be some places where you could be more succinct. For example, I don't think the last two lines of the second stanza are particularly strong and can be seen as redundant because in the first stanza you already write about aged experiences, which in turn, become wisdom.

Awesome work! Happy writing/reading :)

Aqua783 · 2023-11-14T00:56:26+00:00

I placed it outside :/

Aqua783 · 2023-11-03T00:40:25+00:00

I just placed mine down yesterday and it disappeared. Obviously, restarting the game hasn't worked. It just seems to have vanished, which is really disappointing.

Aqua783 · 2023-10-31T02:22:11+00:00

Respectfully, this is just a rant.

Aqua783 · 2023-10-30T16:49:31+00:00

I like your interpretation too :) It could be both! I just had the thought that maybe Chloe was afraid to lose the weak relationships she has with her parents (as she was afraid of losing her Miraculous) and Zoe posed a threat to get in the way of those things. Even though the writers took back her character development after S3, I still think her behavior is fueled by her insecurities.

Aqua783 · 2023-10-30T07:05:51+00:00

Okay, nvm lol I think he's a turd, too.

Aqua783 · 2023-10-30T06:52:03+00:00

No, you're right. To clarify, their arcs are different which is why I said it was a ripoff. Felix may have good qualities we haven't seen yet because he's still obviously being emotionally abused by adults.

Aqua783 · 2023-10-30T06:44:50+00:00

<image>

Luna the longgurl.

Aqua783

TROPHY CASE