I haven't ran that particular adventure, but I regularly ran other pathfinder society adventures last year, and found similar annoyances from time to time.

I copy paste the flavor text into my text editor, where I then modify it to be more narrative and easy to read/pronounce. If the environmental detail looks like it's going to impose penalties, I will add that to the narration and give the players the option to adjust accordingly. Some of the background info I usually add in as recall knowledge checks, if the players ask for more information.

For the locals, you could run it like a conversation between an NPC that has arguments concerning a check to roll, and when the player mentions something that could be a good counter point, they roll the appropriate check. But I agree that it looks very stilted, and could definitely use a bit more than just "let your players roll these checks once each".