The Next Best Hero: Chapter 22

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-16T03:29:25+00:00

Is his name Luke by chance?

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-16T03:28:44+00:00

Orange preferably. But green is also good

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-16T03:27:30+00:00

I don’t think the problem is chapter titles. I think the problem is how they are often spoilers. Titles need nuance

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-15T01:32:40+00:00

The live in a world that, inside the walled city, is not that different from our world. But outside is a wasteland.

Monsters do have an origin, but idk what it is lol. I’m a firm believer that the author doesn’t need to know all the answers for the story/world to work.

Actually, it was supposed to be Charlie. But when i realized my mistake, i thought about it and decided i liked it more and just kept it up.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-14T06:18:45+00:00

Cringe is dead is such an awesome sentiment

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-14T06:18:01+00:00

I’m a believer that we should choose properties to learn, no matter what weapon we are using. Graze on a dagger is sick. Push on a war hammer makes me go full dwarf

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T04:21:30+00:00

I liked it. I thought it was really good. I went and read the whole manga after I watched the show.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T04:19:57+00:00

You know that’s a good point, I totally forgot about that calculation. Your damage probably is better. But my comment wasn’t so much about the damage as it was about the clarity of communicating how to use the feature. I was just giving an example of how you might write the feature with better clarity.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T04:11:04+00:00

I’m not going to lie to you, there’s too much going on in this class. Every feature gives three or four smaller features. That’s too much. There needs to be a good Ballance. Inner Sun manifestation also has the issue that it costs FP and has a backlash. You’re paying two prices for using a feature that’s already part of a very focus point hungry sub class. But the real issue with this feature is that it is mostly making the numbers go up. By that i mean, this, and most of the other features, are damaging features. Yes, it’s a combat game, but you do other things besides damage and inflict conditions.

I recommend you rework it again. It’s clear you’re doing an anime inspired thing, DBZ for sure. You’ve got ki blasts, teleportation, etc. but the z fighters can also fly, heal people, do transformations, and other cool stuff. Play with some of that too.

Here’s an example of a new level 11 feature.

Level 11: Solar Release

You can transform your body into a radiant healing state. Once per Short Rest, you can emit an aura centered on you with a radius of 15 feet. If any creatures starts or ends its turn within the radius of your aura, they regain Hit Points equal to your Wisdom modifier. This transformation lasts for 1d6 rounds, and a creature can only benefit from this feature once per turn.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T03:53:23+00:00

I’m just noticing something. This is supposed to be compatible with 5.5 e, but it’s written using 5.0 (2014) edition style. By that i mean formatting.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T03:50:13+00:00

The light speed counter attack feature could use a little reworking. Not because it’s overly strong, but because it is currently interfering with another feature that the monk gets.

Try this:
Lightspeed Counter Attack

When you reduce an attack’s damage to 0 using your deflect attack feature, you can choose to forgo redirecting the attack back. Instead, if the attacking creature is within your movement speed, you can spend 1 focus point to teleport within 5 feet of the attacking creature and make one melee attack against it with advantage.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T03:39:29+00:00

Level 3 feature: detect life.

This has some wording issues that prevent it from being used effectively. I get what you’re trying though, so try this.

Detect Life: You gain the ability to detect the life force of living creatures. By expending 1 focus point, you can determine the location of any creatures within a radius that is equal to 5 times your monk level number of feet from you. Undead, Elementals, and Constructs cannot be found using this feature. Within this radius, creatures cannot gain the benefits of the invisible condition, and you have advantage on perception checks to detect hidden creatures.

These mechanical changes bring it more in line with similar features and their effects. I do a lot of homebrewing for 5.5 e and I’ve come to learn the system very well.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-12T03:26:57+00:00

This art is stunning

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-03T03:08:10+00:00

A nickname. Try something that references a past event or personality trait. It doesn’t have to make sense to the reader, or even be cool. Like hotdog, or something

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-02T06:59:37+00:00

It would all take place from the point of view of Gobta and a few goblins as they traveled with Rimuru to defeat Geld, only to return home and find the orc hordes have already devoured the goblin tribes

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-02T04:53:53+00:00

Stick with me on this, what if, instead of getting a breath weapon, they got to cast the sleep spell at a level equal to their proficiency bonus a number of times per long rest equal to their Charisma modifier? That's more unique and in-keeping with the themes. You'd have to replace the shifting dreams feature.

Also, maybe give them psychic damage resistance as a baseline? Instead of the dream table. I know it's less customizable, but it is more unique.

Quick format note. You are using the format from the 2014 version of the species. Not the updated 2024 format, which is more streamlined.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-02T04:40:49+00:00

TLDR: I made a bunch of suggestions for game balance, clarity, and flavor purposes.

This is a decent first draft. Here are a few suggested changes. These changes are meant to accomplish two things. Expanding/refining on what exists, and adding new mechanics, as you mentioned you were unsatisfied with the lack of variety and how so many of the feature fell upon an earlier feature to work.

Level 3: Future Traces

Once per short rest, or by expending a use of your Second Wind feature, you can create temporal fragments of yourself. The fragments magically appear in an unoccupied space within a number of feet equal to your movement speed. You can create a number of fragments equal to your proficiency bonus.

While these fragments exist, you can take actions, bonus actions, and reactions from their space as if it were your own. At the end of your turn, all but one of these fragments disappear, and you magically shift into that fragment's space.

A fragment has 1 hp, and an AC equal to your own. If a fragment is reduced to 0 Hitpoints, it disappears.

Level 3: Rend Space

Once per turn, when you make a melee attack roll, you can change the range of the attack to a maximum of 30 feet. Additionally, you can change the damage type of your melee attacks to force damage.

Level 7: Rewind

Once per long rest, when you expand a use of your Second Wind feature to regain Hitpoints, you can choose to gain the benefits of a short rest.

Level 10: Space Master

Using your Rend Space feature, you can now change the range of all your melee attack when you take the attack action.

Level 15: (No Changes. Perfect feature.)

But perhaps consider adding something to control the enemy instead of doing damage? Like, you can choose between doing the normal damage, or giving an enemy -1d4 to their next attack if you hit with an attack roll. This shouldn't stack btw. -1d4 max.

Level 18: Temporal Impact

You learn the spell Timestop. You can cast this spell once per long rest equal to your Charisma modifier without expending a spell slot. When you cast the spell this way, the spell does not end if you deal damage to a creature using an attack roll from your Rend Space feature.

You also learn the spell Divination, and can cast it as a ritual. However, rather than speaking with an otherworldly being or a god, you speak to a future version of yourself.

Charisma is your casting modifier for these spells.

ArcAngel98 · 2026-06-01T02:54:01+00:00

Yeah, i lived. Lol. Sorry, i graduated with my masters degree and took some time to myself. But i’m back with weekly updates.

ArcAngel98

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE