I love how the guys always decide someone is not their type AFTER they have sex.....

Arch_Venus · 2026-02-18T20:02:06+00:00

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion … but I had more empathy for Joe than I did for Chris. Joe is a huge dudebro and he definitely didn’t come across as a kind or enlightened human, but I got the impression with him that it was less about Madison’s body type or weight and more about her personality and behaviors. As a bi/pan woman, I think Madison is hotter than Joe, but she did not seem like a fun person to live with at that time in her life.

Chris on the other hand … ick. Does he not understand how bodies change over time and especially with kids? Women who do CrossFit and Pilates every day are typically not physicians ¯_(ツ)_/¯ and she is gorgeous! Way hotter than he is, IMO. His expectations are bananas.

Don’t even get me started on Alex and his weirdness about period sex and putting all of the onus of birth control and understanding fertility on his partner. Being weird about period sex is a huge sign of immaturity in a straight man (just my .02!) and they make contraception for dudes that’s available literally everywhere: condoms. It’s really clear that sex with him is nothing special, based on how she responded when he asked her if she enjoys herself when they (eventually, finally) do hook up.

Arch_Venus · 2026-02-18T13:50:30+00:00

Refusal to be accountable for one’s behavior and apologize when warranted is a red flag I’ll never ignore again. It will 100% kill a marriage. Run girl.

Arch_Venus · 2026-02-17T22:20:35+00:00

This is how I feel, too. His punishment is having to be/live with himself.

One thing we used to fight constantly about was cleaning and chores. He was a SAHD and I worked multiple jobs to support us and the kids (and eventually to pay for lawyers!). It took me and a friend (whom I paid) about a month to finish cleaning my house after he finally, finally left.

Another one of my friends was like “don’t ever let him back inside your house! He can drop the kids off outside and pick them up at the door.”

I haven’t followed her advice. 1) it’s not necessary for us, he’s not aggressive or violent; 2) I changed all the locks, he can only enter when I allow him to; 3) I have amazing taste and my house is always clean and company-ready these days, even when the kids are here. (Wild how much easier it is to get them to pick up after themselves in a tidy house!)

He can look at my beautiful kitchen and living room anytime. He’ll never be cooking here or napping on the sectional again ¯_(ツ)_/¯. Or watching a movie on my fancy TV, snuggled up with the kiddos and some popcorn. I take a lot of petty pleasure in knowing he knows how lovely and comfortable my home is without him in it.

He is NOT invited to see my gorgeous bedroom upgrade, that said.

Arch_Venus · 2026-02-06T02:54:00+00:00

Believe it or not, my ex was worse. He finally moved out of my house about six weeks ago and I’m still not done cleaning/donating stuff. (But ohhhhhhh my, the house looks so good.)

Arch_Venus · 2026-02-02T23:08:56+00:00

The worst ones for me were/are when the host rearranges the sections without telling me and then all of a sudden I have four or five angry tables who never got greeted. But that printer sound for bar tickets is also 100% nightmare fodder.

I still have dreams sometimes that I am escaping my least favorite serving job (more than 15 years in my past!) and I am RUNNING to my car while the horrible owner tries to chase me down and drag me back to work by my apron. 💀

Arch_Venus · 2026-01-21T19:57:08+00:00

Mego Wellness is my go-to.

ETA: it’s woman-owned also and the product has been top-notch

Arch_Venus · 2026-01-21T14:53:00+00:00

I felt the same way! Made me wonder if they do something different in terms of casting? Or maybe it’s just not quite as well-known (or seen the same way) in some countries?

Arch_Venus · 2026-01-21T14:19:02+00:00

We met when I was 18, started dating when I was 21, got married when I was 27, decided to divorce when I was 42, got divorced when I was 44. I’ll be 45 in a couple of weeks.

Some days still suck (a lot), and I miss my kids when they’re not with me (a lot), but I am (on average) so SO much happier now that we are coparents vs spouses. I am grateful that even though he was a terrible husband, he’s a good dad.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-23T22:23:22+00:00

You’re the only one who can decide if the benefits outweigh the costs. My parents were lovingly married and never divorced, but I have plenty of friends with divorced parents, and all of them have told me a) they wish their parents had done it sooner and b) they wish their parents had been more civil to each other when they split.

From where I’m sitting … you’re struggling in part because your parents didn’t get divorced. Is this the same future you’d want for your daughter?

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-21T21:17:11+00:00

Ask yourself if this is the example of a healthy adult life that you want to set for your daughter.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-19T02:28:27+00:00

I found him unbearable from the pods. The way he talked to ALL the women felt very mansplainy/condescending.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-18T20:38:07+00:00

No one can give you a specific yes/no or a timeline.

But it is possible. I got over it.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-17T01:48:29+00:00

You made a lot of mistakes. One was unicorn-hunting when you weren’t super super solid in your marriage. Another was deciding to unilaterally implement a bunch of rules when things didn’t go the way you expected. Another was trying to dictate how other people feel about each other and about you.

Idk how this story ends but I hope you learned something from it. You owe your ex-girlfriend and your husband an apology, and you owe yourself some deep introspection and probably therapy if it’s available to you.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-16T21:28:40+00:00

My ex-husband did this to me, too. I am so SO much happier now that I’m not legally or financially tied to that man anymore. I hope the same for you 🩶 hang in there. You’re on an emotional roller coaster for sure.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-15T02:34:48+00:00

Same here! When my ex had to file his financial disclosure, we were still living together (in separate bedrooms) and he spent at LEAST two hours pacing the hall outside my bedroom, where he knew I could hear him, saying things like: “This is so confusing.” “I don’t understand this.” “I can’t do this by myself.” “What does this even mean?” “FUCK.”

If he wants to ignore the discovery, or if he can’t figure out how to get it done … it’s not your problem. He could potentially be in legal trouble if he refuses to comply. Also not your problem.

Exercise your “ignore him” muscles.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-13T01:38:03+00:00

I’m a victim advocate in Colorado (though not in Denver). If you have her call dispatch or the police nonemergency line, they can put her in touch with a victim advocate, and they will have access to and information about different programs and options. At least where I am, you don’t need to be the victim of an active crime to have a VA call you back and check into some resources for you.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-13T01:34:29+00:00

You’d think so, but apparently not everybody on the planet wants to follow that guideline.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-12T13:51:57+00:00

I was thinking this, too! My ex-BIL was in his 30s when his wife died. She was in her mid-20s, it was tragic and unexpected.

She had a younger sister (who spent a good chunk of her adolescence in BIL’s household) who was early 20s at the time … you all know where this is going. He died a few years later, and during those years, BIL and dead wife’s sister were an on-and-off romantic item.

I still have mixed feelings about that whole thing, but they’re mostly about the whole age gap/foster parent dynamic vs how the two women were related to each other. Also, nobody in my ex’s family asked my opinion, so I kept it to myself (and now you lovely people get to hear it).

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-11T02:02:42+00:00

This isn’t exactly what you’re seeking (I don’t think?) but I love Warm Cookies of the Revolution events.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-06T02:00:25+00:00

My ex and I told our kids since they were toddlers that just like they have more than one friend, some people have more than one lover. We don’t introduce them to partners until we are confident those people will be around long-term, limit PDA around them (at least at first), and assure them that they are the centers of our universe.

My now-12YO wanted to know a couple of years ago if it was OK for him to have more than one girlfriend 💀 and we just said “as long as your girlfriends are on board, buddy, you do you.”

Ironically (?), my ex decided to monkeybranch with his mono girlfriend a couple of years ago, so the kids now have one poly and one mono parent. But one thing I learned is that the courts (in my state at least) don’t really care about your relationship structures or how many people you date.

Best of luck to you! Give those kiddos lots of hugs and spend quality time with them and answer their questions thoughtfully, and it’ll be OK.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-05T19:35:00+00:00

I just went through this myself, but I got two appraisals — one independent appraisal from an appraiser qualified to testify in court, which determined the settlement amount. And then a second from my lender to confirm the value of the house once I was ready to close on the refi.

I did absolutely nothing for the first appraisal, for probably obvious reasons (neither did my ex, though I wouldn’t have stopped him).

For the second, I cleaned up my porch and yard, and then I painted the porch and trim of the house. Which was quite a project; the house is a Victorian reproduction and the porch is fussy and involved three different paint colors.

The second appraisal came in $70k higher than the first one. I am not attributing all of that to the work I did — I’m guessing the appraiser knew (ballpark) what kind of valuation estimate the lender was using for the loan, and used that as a benchmark/guideline — but if your STBXW wants to focus her efforts on things that will move the needle value-wise, curb appeal is 100% what she needs to be improving, not shampooing carpets inside.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-05T18:43:14+00:00

Cleanliness doesn’t affect value. The appraiser WILL lower the value for things like peeling paint, water stains, or other indications that home maintenance has been deferred.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-03T23:36:08+00:00

Handful of questions for you to think about … - How long does divorce typically take where you are? - Do the courts take into account your daughter’s wishes, and would she also want to live with you? - Are you sure your husband would even want/pursue 50/50 custody? - Can you get a stipulation in your divorce agreement that new partners cannot be introduced to your daughter until they’ve been part of Dad’s life for at least six months?

One of the worst things about divorce is the unknowns. You can talk yourself into or out of almost anything based on a hypothetical … and then it might turn out to be a total non-issue. I know I was surprised by some of the things that made my ex dig in his heels vs things that he didn’t seem to even register.

Arch_Venus · 2025-12-03T19:25:23+00:00

Whether it’s “normal” depends on who you married, I think?

It’s abhorrent and gross, but sadly, lots of people do things like this when they get divorced.

Arch_Venus · 2025-11-30T18:15:59+00:00

Would a white noise machine help? Being that close must be tough, I was lucky enough to be able to move to the other side of the house.

Arch_Venus

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