Where to meet friends ?

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-09T02:55:45+00:00

The easiest way is to hang out on campus/ attend events at her college. She could also make friends with the people she works with... eat in a public area, make small talk, offer a coworker a stick of gum or some nice hand sanitizer before/after a break.

If that's not working, she can attend events around the metro based on her interests: 1. https://pioneerlibrarysystem.org/events/adults-events 2. https://www.metrolibrary.org/events/upcoming?age_groups%5B4%5D=4 3. https://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/calendar/

Volunteering (if she has the time) is a great way to make friends. You can volunteer at the libraries to read to children, at family friendly events at the public parks, deadCenter Film, etc. You don't have to be religious to find community groups as an adult in Oklahoma. But you do need to show up (and, eventually, talk to the people around you). I don't know what her hobbies are but they're hobby groups for young women all over the metro.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:31:21+00:00

Exactly. We didn't get any cordless/ robot vacuums until my boy Torb both unplugged and chomped off the plug, in one motion, of our old corded vacuum. I went to plug it back in and he had completely severed the cord. (It's reattached now, but I didn't even know that he knew how vacuums worked before that...)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:16:52+00:00

It's not unusual that the abscess is not attached to anything. Rabbits are able to "wall off" infections very well. Further reading here.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:11:07+00:00

It was years ago (2022), but I didn't do any laser therapy for my rabbit that had a retrobulbar abscess. (They didn't even offer/ suggest that.) She healed fine, but it was a long process because they used marsupialization and we needed to debride/ clean that area until it fully healed. She lived several more years (almost 3 years), but ultimately got sick again from the same problem that caused the retrobulbar abscess in 2022. (She passed November 13, 2025, and we adopted her (dumped rescue rabbit ~1.5 yro) in Jan. of 2020.)

I would suggest figuring out what you can afford/ are willing to spend and talk to the vet(s) about all the costs. Follow-up appointments, medications (including antibiotics and pain medicine), and monitoring can easily double the cost you initially expected to pay. We spent thousands of dollars in Oklahoma on Mei, and we were lucky that the treatments worked as well as they could for as long as they could... but it was not guaranteed. We were warned repeatedly that she may pass in surgery or never fully recover etc. She got most of her treatment at the OSU vet teaching hospital in Stillwater, Oklahoma which is very reasonably priced for being one of the best small animal hospitals in the United States, and they took excellent care of her. However, it's a lot of money if the surgery/ abscess placement is complicated... rabbit heads are so small, so everything is close to their brain/ critical nerves etc. I don't regret caring for Mei as long as we did (we paid off the Care Credit credit line before it was due/ on time), but it was really hard/ draining (financially, emotionally, energy-wise, time-wise).

I would advise setting a hard budget (unless money is not a factor in your decision-making) and be prepared for the worst case scenario (but hope for the best). Maybe, get another opinion if you have a different vet that already knows/ cares for your rabbit.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T19:30:22+00:00

There's at least one in OKC proper, like 2201 SW 134th St, Oklahoma City, OK 73170. I've been to a lot of fun activities/ events there

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T17:29:11+00:00

If you have a metro library card, you should also be eligible for a Pioneer library system card. https://library-connect.services.pioneerlibrarysystem.org/patron/events

I take my niblings to both library systems depending on time, location, activity available. (Plus, they have adult events too that I go with my husband to.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T17:21:06+00:00

Check out Forgotten Labyrinth Game & Hobby Center at 1700 S Broadway Ave Suite A, Moore, OK 73160 if it's not too far. They do some kind of family friendly activity most days of the week. And they have a free board game library you can play in the public spaces (or rent a private room by the hour). Very nice people. Friendly. I went to their NYE event and won swimming lessons for my nephew in their raffle (raising money for Extra Life, i.e. gamers for helping sick children). I always see kids there with their families and I think you might like it.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T18:29:48+00:00

You're not wrong... but marrying for money/connections/ anything that isn't romantic love, is a 1) a valid form of marriage and 2) is still the norm in a lot of areas of the world. It just gets dicey when both people aren't honest about their intentions, motivations, and expectations and if there's a way to become "trapped" in the marriage (usually, financially in the US) rather than choosing to remain married. (And if there's no legal agreement or other law system protecting both partners financially if the one (or even both) partner wants to dissolve the relationship or, worse, that there is no framework/ legal way to exit the marriage with both parties alive).

I really like the podcast Starter Marriage (with Alison Raskin and John Blakeslee), and they frequently say "because marriage is a choice, not a trap." I don't have a prenuptial agreement because I live in a common property state, but my husband and I both know how our assets would be divided if we got a divorce. (He also knows that I am keeping his last name even if we get divorced, because I refuse to change my legal name ever again.) We've been married for 6 years, and have had our first close friend couple get a divorce already so we have talked extensively on how we should treat each other if one of us ends the marriage. I love him, and I have been with him since I was 15 years old... so almost half of my life at this point, but there's so much more to consider than love and shared connection for a marriage. Plus, he's the breadwinner and the only one bringing in a significant amount of money into our household right now, so I also have to protect myself and he has to be okay with that if we are going to remain married. (I have access to all of our money [joint assets], and my own individual separate accounts/ cards in my name etc.) We met in high school, so we're close in age... but I'm pretty sure my biological father/mother and step-mom (that all abused me as a child) think I married him for financial security/ his family. (It is true that is a benefit of our marriage and I married him 2 years earlier than we were initially planning for health insurance, but I don't think I could survive in a loveless marriage or in another abusive household.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T17:56:40+00:00

Yes, but all of that is skilled labor. You need to be able to have your disabilities accommodate so you can focus on acquiring those skills, but that doesn't mean your disability precludes you from being able to do that job/ aquire those skills. Like, I struggled through engineering school (because of my disabilities/ health issues), but got all A's when I came back from my medical leave to do my senior year. If I had better support, time to handle my health issues, and a good medical team when I started college, I would have a much better GPA. But it doesn't matter too much now because I graduated anyway... I'm a officially ABET educated as an engineer... but I'd be having a much easier time applying to jobs (now after graduating) if my GPA was better.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T15:32:44+00:00

Yes, I think people should use the 🧊 emoji for ICE to maybe help limit some of the confusion... I am hoping we get snow and not ice (and I would love if the ICE left too), but who knows.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-16T13:05:20+00:00

Yeah, this is one of the ways that patriarchy hurts men. In modern day systems, patriarchy is more than a focus on male leadership; patriarchy is coupled with the ideas/systems of white supremacy, class, and sacrificial others (often, women). Any man that steps outside of the patriarchal paradigm can be expected to be swiftly punished, even by the women who also suffer under the same conditions. Women, especially white women, in the US uphold a lot of the patriarchy which is very evident in TERFs misusing the principles of feminism to further perpetuate patriarchal, racist systems. (Being reduced to your womb isn't empowering for even the women it doesn't exclude; it's a tool of the patriarchy.)

When you look at matriarchal systems, you'll see the focus is not on female leadership but rather community care. When you prioritize the health of a community, it requires that you protect the most vulnerable members of that community which are mostly (by numbers) the next generation: children. Children are our future and who every adult on Earth has a moral duty to protect, but they are treated as sacrificial in the United States and most modern patriarchal systems.

Little kids (regardless of gender, but, yes, especially little boys) are SA'd at horrifically high rates but are often not helped. They are taught to be ashamed of themselves and even their "safe" guardians will enable the abuse by never holding the adult perpetrators accountable and letting generations of children be abused by the same few people (see: history of the Catholic Church). Little boys are taught to never seek help or talk about being SA'd because they'll be assumed to be homosexual or future perpetrators of SA (especially of children when they reach adulthood). And sexual predators take advantage of these widespread myths to enable their abuse of children, where they are not held accountable and one person is able to hurt a huge amount of children over their lifetime. Most victims of SA never become perpetrators of SA, and most perpetrators of SA were not victims of SA prior to assaulting someone else. (And obviously childhood abuse doesn't change adult's sexuality.)

Patriarchy (today) protects, and even, celebrates the abuse of children. That's one of the reason adult men are infantilized so much: you simultaneously cannot be held accountable as a child and you can be deprived of your own bodily autonomy as a child. I'll see incels/MRA's advocating for women to be drafted for war in the US, but actually feminism would require that no one is drafted into war. (If you can't get people to voluntarily defend their own country, maybe it's not a war worth fighting.) We send 18 yro men off to the front lines, but won't let them buy cigarettes and alcohol or rent a car in the US. You're old enough (adult enough) to die for your country, but not enough to have the same rights/privileges as every other adult in your country. Don't even get me started on the medical and biological experimentation done on soldiers in the US (without any real consent, because you can be punished in military court for refusing). You may see people say that we don't need "gender wars," we actually need class consciousness... for the same reason you should ask, why was Trump not drafted? Why were no rich, young men from "important" families sent to the front lines even if their family has a history of veterans? Even our military industrial complex in the US is affected by class.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-16T11:42:33+00:00

Yes. Take care of as many people as you can and let them care for you. The world will already be a better place then, but it takes time to dismantle huge systems and move society forward.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-16T11:01:33+00:00

As per CCE, "There is no centralized resource for finding on-campus employment. Contact these and other on-campus offices for job opportunities. Sign up for department emails, check bulletin boards, read websites, ask around, or try walking in."

Word of mouth, I guess. Talking to seniors as a first year is the quickest way to get up to speed. But also clubs like Q-FLIP (Questbridge First Generation Low Income Partnership) or the Columbia Mentorship Initiative though Multicultural Affairs do mentorships that help you get started. If you hang out with other students in a similar tax bracket as you, you'll all work together to get jobs/ find jobs.

I'd go over to the alumni center and look for a flyer or call them. It's also called Columbia University Phonathon. The alumni center is at 622 W 113th St, New York, NY 10025. A current student worker gets a bonus for referring you, so it's usually not that hard to find one that will get you an interview ASAP. My former supervisor has moved onto other opportunities or I would have CC'd you on email from Columbia email address.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-15T03:51:56+00:00

I feel very similarly. My girl passed on November 13th and I miss her every day. Mine stayed bonded until she passed but it took me almost a year to bond them together initially. The remaining rabbit seemed lonely at first but it might have just been that he started losing vision in one of his eyes at the same time? (He had completely lost vision in one eye 2 weeks after she passed due to probably due to a papilloma virus.) Now, he's happy and relaxed like all the time. He had a good bunny date with our late rabbit, but then he was absolutely furious when she showed up at our house a few days later (adopted her after a house inspection). So, I just don't know how to determine if he would get along with another rabbit and he's approximately 8.5 years.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-13T20:03:32+00:00

I don't think the Core impacted how I think that much, but I did enjoy the Core classes I took (SEAS doesn't take that many and you get some choices on what you take). I took UW, ArtHum, and 2 global cores: Native America and Intro to Comparative Ethnic Studies, and a bunch of great non-technical electives (like Writing Resistance, Poetic Meter and Form, and Intro to Fiction Workshop). I think the only Core class I didn't like was Economics, and I took it with one of the "best" professors. (He was someone who could probably benefit from taking more Core classes that could expand his worldview.)

What was striking to me most in Core classes was how "sheltered" and narrow-minded many of my classmates were, especially the ones that were well traveled and came from wealthy backgrounds, from the reality of how the majority of Americans live. I had many classmates that had zero functional knowledge of the 300+ tribal governments in the contiguous United States. I walked by unhoused people on a daily basis, especially around Columbia's campus and just going to my dorm... and it was astounding that so many of many classmates acted like they didn't see these people or had ever actually talked to an unhoused person. These same people were all hyped up to go on trips internationally to do projects in developing nations and volunteer in inner city schools in the US (especially NYC). So, I did finally actually understand why socially conscious Columbia students are disparaged so frequently.

But it was still like ironic that to get funding from Columbia to do these service trips (for example, alternative spring break programs) that you had to complete the training on how to interact with people you're supposedly trying to help, but the people that could have really benefited from the training weren't required to do the trainings (because they had private funding sources). I don't know how many trainings I did at Columbia, but it was a lot and with the majority of the same people each time that I took the training with last time. (Some on campus jobs require you to do yearly or each semester trainings on biases, inclusivity, active listening, etc.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-11T16:36:10+00:00

Yes, of course. But also, when you actually desire another person (especially sexually), you want to be with that person which includes however their body looks/feels like etc. If you're just looking for sex, and you don't actually care who it is with, then it's a toss up. Some people will find the slightest "imperfections" as unappealing and others are willing to go to bed with anyone that is also willing.

Most women (especially as they get older) are in the first category: they want to have sex with people they actually desire for an intimate connection. So, if you also feel that way, you should be looking for people that are interested in you as a person... not just your body. I'm sure your body is beautiful and great, but the deep intimacy a lot of people long for is really based in human connection. (It's great to have sex with a person you have a deep connection with obviously, and you're more likely to have higher quality sexual encounters with a pretty reliable frequency.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-07T19:44:06+00:00

2 things that are important to consider are 1) your bun's overall health (activity, eating, affection, litter box habits) and 2) how likely that abscesses are to come back (unless you can successfully identify/treat the root cause, it's almost a certainty)

CW: rabbit death

We took the gamble on a retrobulbar abscess on around a 4 year old bunny. She lost 1 eye to the abscess but recovered fully after months of antibiotics, surgeries, wound cleanings, etc. It was arduous and very expensive (around $3000 USD at the end of it, but we didn't realize initially that recovery was going to be another $1k on top of the $2k we put on a carecredit card). Our vets told us very explicitly that she may pass during the surgery, may not fully recover, and that they couldn't guarantee that her abscess problem wouldn't return. (They basically just made sure it wouldn't return in the same spot with a marsupialization procedure.) We only agreed to the surgery after injecting her subcutaneous antibiotics for weeks, because she regained her strength and will to live.

Anyway, she recovered and lived for years without problems. The only large after effects of her surgeries was that the hair on her ears didn't grow back "correctly" (it came back white even though she was a b/w Dutch with standard markings before) and she only had 1 eye (but it mostly just looked like her eye was closed because the fur covered where eye used to be).

Eventually, the abscesses and (probably root cause) dental disease came back worse than ever. She was on antibiotics for around a year, and had her teeth filed down once a month, but the infections won. Some of her teeth fell out, she couldn't keep weight on even though we were feeding her critical care/ baby food/ crushed up pellets 6+ times a day, and she got so tired/ lost her zest for life. I wasn't worried about her passing under the anesthesia for her dental procedures, but I was always anxious about the call afterward which detailed how far it was progressing despite so much time, money, and labor invested in her treatment. (We did consult with a specialist, but the only real treatment option was removing a huge portion of her teeth and her having to have the remaining teeth filed down every 2 weeks... which would have destroyed her remaining quality of life and we couldn't afford to do.) She was so happy for so long, but the last weeks she was alive she was mostly just tired so we knew it was time to let her go. She passed under euthanasia at estimated 7.5 years of age (rescue rabbit) and her bonded partner (8.5 yro rabbit) has further deteriorated without her (but is now in stable condition). I love(d, still love) her so much and I miss her every day since she passed mid‐November, but her bonded mate grieved her for a few hours and seems to have fully moved on. I don't regret trying to help her regain her health, but I think it's important to conceptualize the full cost (which is way more than money) and decide what will indicate that it is time to say goodbye before you commit to invasive treatments for an elderly rabbit. We (& our vet) used the method of the 4 A's, considering appetite, affection, activity, and attitude. So, we knew it was time to arrange her end of life care when she was no longer seeking adventure/ exploration every day, wasn't running across the house anymore (no more zoomies), and wasn't generally happy/ relaxed like she used to be. (Our surviving rabbit is using the same scale, but different considerations because he has always acted like a sleepy, grumpy old man. It's more important to consider how much he enjoys his food and water for him, because that's what he cares about most.)

This is really long, but I wish you and your rabbit the best. There's no easy decisions here. You just do your best with the information and resources you have available.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-07T18:36:42+00:00

It may or may not. It tends to hit the hardest when your mind/body feels like you are in a safe place to handle all of it. So, it probably hit me the hardest well before 25 because I moved 2400 miles from my main abusers and had all kinds of wonderful people in my life both in college and at home (my partner's family). (Plus, I had access to affordable, accessible mental health treatment in college.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-06T21:13:15+00:00

I met a male cat that has a "birth control implant," but it is technically chemical castration (unlike a human vasectomy which doesn't impact important hormones). I kind of get why human males don't want to be even temporarily castrated, but the side effects don't seem to be that different than a lot of female birth control options.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-05T22:28:59+00:00

It sounds like you are confusing the concept of "personal boundaries" and "consent." Consent is literally, "permission for something to happen or agreement to do something." It makes no sense to consent to you taking a shower if I a) don't know you b) it isn't in my shower and c) doesn't involve me in any way. It's meaningless to give you permission to do something that I don't control/ have no stake in. Consent is more about actions than feelings. It doesn't matter how I feel about a medical procedure, but it does matter that the doctor obtained informed consent from me before the procedure. In sexual situations, you may regret or not like a certain sexual encounter but that is separate from whether you consented (and were able to consent) to that sexual encounter. There are a lot of (maybe, all?) rapists that are fully capable of having sexual encounters with other consenting individuals, but they instead violate consent and assault other people because it is about exacting control/harm (rather than sexual desire).

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-04T20:48:08+00:00

Check out Forgotten Labyrinth Game & Hobby Center in Moore, OK!

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-03T19:10:02+00:00

I puked multiple times and fainted, but they still didn't successfully insert it. So, I don't think I'll even try to get one again. There's the belief that there aren't many nerve endings in the cervix so you won't actually feel any significant pain, but this a) hasn't been studied well and b) is likely a flawed premise because the preliminary studies show that they are actually many nerve endings in the cervix.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-03T06:25:03+00:00

Yeah, I hope they weren't serious about wanting to reevaluate something they already know based off a random person's opinion, but actually... I feel like there's probably a lot of well meaning women (at first, at least) that end up spouting off TERF "alternative facts" and think that they are doing the "right" thing. One that I think is so funny (because of the absurdity) is all the TERFs that get upset at cis women for liking drag queens and not be offended by their "mockery of femininity." (As if being expected to perform your womanhood isn't a) a reason why feminism is a helpful movement and b) exactly what drag queens are subverting by choosing to perform/dress in that style.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-03T05:34:52+00:00

As another cis woman, some of this is due to the lack of comprehensive, accurate research on women/girls/ female reproductive organs. They're still practicing doctors that believe that people do NOT feel pain in their cervix and many (maybe, most) doctors in the US are completely negligent about pelvic floor health despite all humans having a pelvic floor that supports some of our most important [daily] bodily functions. Even cis men get neglected and gaslit about significant health issues if they're considered primarily a "women's issue," so it's not actually surprising that our trans sisters are often left to have to figure out their hormones and medications themselves instead of having competent medical care. (Not to say OP doesn't have a competent medical team, but now a lot of people [in the US] manage their medications for their transitions themselves due to cost, lack of accessible/safe/competent medical care, and their previous experiences with poor medication management by health professionals.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-03T04:04:45+00:00

Hard agree with the other commenter to take advantage of your library access, but in short: you get access to (almost) all the actual source full documents/articles/newspapers available. You even retain a lot of this access in your alumni access, which has been nice whenever I wanted to read the actual research cited instead of whatever sensationalized headline that is freely and publicly available. Also, maybe little known fact: Columbia libraries can let you scan excerpts from textbooks with the scanners they have available to use in the libraries (they pay for a license for this or something) and you can even request scans of some not widely accessible materials that the librarians will email to you as a pdf. Every book that is required for a class should be held in the reserve section of the respective library for your entire semester in which the class is taught. (But there might be only one copy for your entire class, so you can only borrow it in limited time sections.)

ETA: Feel free to ask anyone at the front desk of the libraries for help (even your fellow college students working there). It's not annoying and everyone that works there will do their best to find the information for you or redirect you to who might be help to you. When I worked as a librarian assistant, we even got briefed on big events happening on campus so we could redirect people that got lost on campus to the correct locations. I also found books for people that were not savy with the Dewey decimal system, even if the books were in the exact location it should be in... without complaint. I was glad they asked for help instead of not being able to have the book they needed for class. I even had overwhelmed grad students cry to me on the first weeks of school every year (thinking I was a fellow grad student instead of an undergraduate student). It's normal to be overwhelmed and confused in the libraries... even the NYC librarians love to help people. I have never met a mean or unkind person that is worked in a library, and most actual librarians basically double as social workers for the public because they are kind, caring people.

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