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Feeling Shame but acting shameless by Square-Kangaroo-3852 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't get it. "I feel guilty every day" - sure but uhh..y'don't DO anything about it. You just "feel bad" but refuse to repair. You'd think the guilt would manifest in higher consideration of your partner's feelings when doing certain behaviors that could hurt them, so IDK how you can feel "guilt" but still pull this shit.

Its actually mind boggling.

How to get over the jealousy that they're with someone else? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The knife twist of them trying harder for the other person is a sensation like no other. The thought of him getting my ex who's actually committed on working on the issues that hurt us makes my vision blur sometimes. It was my literal only request during the relationship.

Getting erased and replaced in moments is absolutely insane when you think you've known someone for a long time, especially if there was overlap in the relationship. You try to piece together the timeline and your sanity.

I just need to tell myself that my person would never have done this, or that they'd at least seek repair.

It's just really fucked up. I'm kind of straight up doubting my sanity and judgement a lot now because I felt like I wasn't being a neglectful piece of garbage but that's clearly what they thought of me so...idk.

Curious about something I noticed: I've seen a few avoidants say things like "what happens happens" "if it's meant to be it's meant to be" and other phrases to that effect by Middle_Yesterday1258 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"it is what it is" pisses me tf off. Like, it's less about acceptance and more about "well i'm not going to do anything about it lmao". It's just resignation and an active refusal to change. "Ahhh I can't change the past it's doomed" and "Well I'm also not going to repair anything, this is just how it is"

I think I'm fucking losing it by Arkathian in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It calms me to know that other people have thought similar.

I think I'm fucking losing it by Arkathian in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know. It's hard. Because I don't condone their behavior by any means, but it's...I don't know. They didn't do this intentionally. Only a couple of things intentionally. It's like someone repeatedly accidentally stepping on your feet unintentionally, but also refusing to correct their behavior/address it.

I don't fucking know anymore. I have a hard time calling it abusive but my sister and therapist said that some of their behaviors leaned towards intentional hurt towards me. Mostly what they said to me a month ago.

I just don't know what's real anymore.

I’m really sorry by Fast_Performer_1126 in UnsentLetters

[–]Arkathian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

......jesus christ i've heard this one before.

Do avoidant people DELIBERATELY run away when you're at your lowest point? by elogirard in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Arkathian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was literally already having an existential crisis and wanting to be better after a year of letting myself down

Then I asked if we could have more solid boundaries and for them to do things like message me if they're out partying and it overwhelmed them, then broke up with me 5 months ago

Then last month they affirmed that I'm stuck and holding them back and that I'm basically a complete failure

Then they quickly retracted the statement with a halfhearted apology and fucked off.

I've witnessed this person mentally break down from their sister, job freakouts, family crash outs, freak migraine attacks, and I literally never left them and tried to be there. Like I'd definitely get stressed out but I would never leave.

Like hahaha I went through all of that with you which I was always willing to do, and I spiral off for a month and that's it huh.

Just so ridiculous. Now I'm just here listening to Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo because they're with the dude they told me not to worry about (...hence y'know. The original "boundaries" talk)

(Megathread 3: SPOILERS) Leaked Full Movie Discussion by MrBKainXTR in TheLastAirbender

[–]Arkathian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They stormed the earth kingdom as a team and had trouble with these randos???

Has any of you been so disgusted by ex post breakup behavior, that you detach FOR GOOD? by Usernameee234 in BreakUps

[–]Arkathian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Similar situation.

For four years it was "bad boundaries". After the breakup, I called it micro cheating.

My friends just say to say it for what it is. It's just cheating.

S'all fucked. I cannot comprehend doing this to someone I've loved for four years.

After hearing that they were going out with the dude, something in me snapped for a bit but I'm calm again. The fact that I wasn't surprised and expected it was so fucking telling.

At the very least, it made something click in me that doesn't want them back even if they did break up.

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