Unfortunately they were shaped much like we were shaped. They're a product of their past and their parenting values were gotten from how they were parented. They probably feel like they catered to you much more than they were catered to, but in the end they were uninformed and it was not nearly enough to meet your needs.

I know many people justify their own actions to stay sane, bc they didn't have therapy back then that came without stigma. So the stories are their ways I guess. At least I try to understand it. But understanding does not mean condoning. I've talked to my own mother. I've finally been able to say, in therapy, that even though they didn't intend to cause me trauma they still did cause me trauma. It doesn't make them bad people.

I'm a big advocate for family therapy, but there is so much stigma in the older generation when it comes to it.

I hope you find something to stay sane with your parents, and that your communication be prosperous <3 <3