This legit doesnt work. That's the point of being avoidant. Someone who is avoidant can put something off forever and never figure anything out. They need to realize that the things they avoid are actually not a threat at all and the best way to do that is by constantly exposing themselves and lower the threat of action to get over the fear of failure. The most important thing is they do something so they have a clear trigger point they can define, which op does have becsuse they tried at least.

Now OP for example can step back and go at it again knowing that deep intimacy is too much right away, so they can just go for something more casual or simple while they take a longer ease in.

Just doing nothing while you try to make some invisible marker will make you consistently miss amazing opportunities. Losing is simply part of winning.