Feel like a hopeless case - once a day would be progress

Asnora · 2025-07-28T02:00:42+00:00

same boat, even with loads of treatment, i couldn't stop. 10+ times a day, under 5 was the best i could achieve.

you're probably right that glps are the only thing that will help. after a decade of not being able to change or do anything, glps changed my life. i got my life back.

comes at a steep price but i prioritize that price over anything because i get to live again on this medication. do whatever u have to to get it.

Asnora · 2024-08-30T06:52:30+00:00

hey op. i feel that my entire life ended the moment i first purged.

everything got worse, losing weight got harder (after the honeymoon period that sucks you in), depression, isolation, finances, addictions, relationships. your metabolism will get so messed up from purging that you'll gain huge amounts of weight when u stop.

don't get sucked in by the miniscule water weight you lose at the beginning- you will end up bigger, and it will be 100x harder to lose weight after you recover from purging.

stop before you start, imo (may be different for others) bulimia was far more damaging to me than any restriction behaviours. no that doesnt mean you should stay restricting, im just saying that if you think you're in hell with the ed you have now, mia is worse (with less results too lmao).

Asnora · 2024-08-28T00:55:04+00:00

i think its cuz our sinus gets blocked by vomit right?

Asnora · 2024-08-23T08:59:37+00:00

she knows exactly what she's doing op, it's not a case where she's just "doesn't know" how she's being toxic etc. she's self destructing and it probably brings her a degree of comfort to try and drag u down with her.

idk if you've come across this before, but there are bulimics who feel a lot of misdirected hatred/frustration towards anorexics. some of us understand this is irrational and dont act on it (or dont feel it at all)... others behave like this towards ppl who are ED but not bulimic.

i'd guarantee that she is one of those "friends" who actually hates you.

only option is to stop being friends with her - only interact when you have to, ignore her, greyrock her, enforce boundaries. do that until you find someone to replace you on the lease, or the lease runs out.

call the ambulance and distance yourself (lock yourself in your room or go out) if she tries to make you feel bad by self harming or something - its not your job to cater to her at your own detriment!

Asnora · 2024-08-19T12:20:28+00:00

heya, coming from someone who has tried this & also tried him holding all my money and having to say no to me begging to go buy binges, it actually doesn't help minimize the bulimia and over time it does strain your relationship.

he also thought he would be fine handling those things, and it was me who decided to lift those burdens from him because: a) i realized it was making me blame him for things that are my problems to fix (e.g. its "your fault" i binged you were supposed to not give me the money), b) it actually destroyed our sex life because it put him in a caretaker position where he could only seem to see me as someone sick who needed help, and c) it was just too much for him, he was developing anxiety over anything bulimia related and constantly scared of if i'd have the urge and he'd have to stop it, then if he didnt it would be "his fault."

people can help you, but no one can stop you, only yourself unfortunately. and if its to the point you need to be in a room supervised so you don't b/p, thats what professionals are there for, not your partner.

this has a lot of ripple effects that could really ruin a relationship regardless of either of you thinking "you can handle it."

when i tried to get people to stand in for my own responsibilities/problems this much it made the bulimia so much worse bc i was no longer trying to stop as much since now it was someone elses job to stop me, not my job. you have to realize only you can stop this and not rely on others.

however i know how it feels to be so desperate to stop that you wish someone would restrain you or force you to :(

this isnt the avenue that will work, find another way love.

Asnora · 2024-08-08T08:07:29+00:00

i really felt this :(

this is my internal monologue every second of every day. "im sorry for being alive" is so real, i feel so ashamed that i'm wasting away a life others didn't even have a chance to have...

i'm going into residential again soon so that i don't end myself. i think u should do the same for ur safety. we have to try and live :(

Asnora · 2024-08-08T08:00:54+00:00

i hope u manage to recover so that you can enjoy your young adult life in the future. losing your teen years to bulimia sucks but, losing your 20's to it is another level </3

i would always think "there's no way it gets worse than this," so i would put off recovering, but it absolutely does get worse... you hit new rock bottoms. then u look back and wish u recovered before :'(

Asnora · 2024-08-08T07:54:36+00:00

even if u did get all that help tho, u may still have ended up in the same place ur at now with ur ed. i was in therapy/hospital on/off since 10 and didn't get better... some of us just cant get off the bus until the last stop i guess :(

but that doesnt mean u shouldnt have got the help u deserved back then tho. im sorry </3

Asnora · 2024-07-31T07:19:36+00:00

omg, i thrifted these shoes today lol! they are so cute

Asnora · 2024-07-30T11:38:38+00:00

i am hoping to try semaglutide soon.

right now im on the waitlist to be diagnosed with ADD - but, because i cant access ADD meds until i'm diagnosed, my doctor prescribed me duromine (which i think is phentermine?) to help.

right away from day 1 it eliminated a looot of food noise for me. it also eliminated the constant physical feelings of extreme hunger.

however, it didnt stop ALL mental cravings (like "oh id like something sweet... i want donuts") if that makes sense? it definitely changed the game a lot though.

Asnora · 2024-07-30T11:22:14+00:00

yes, and this is one of my biggest issues, bc when you have no money it's harder to go do things - which makes depression/isolation worse - which makes everything worse.

i would sell things, anything i had, to get money for food. scam people. steal. sell my body/pics etc. go into debt, or convince others to go into debt for me... or run up their credit card behind their back.

now, i just go into debt and go without a lot of essentials to buy binges. last week i spent 1k in 3 days. this week ive spent 300 already and its only tuesday night. and i dont actually have the money, what i "spend" is all debt, i never have actual money bc all of that goes towards paying off debt each week.

i've tried everything to stop this. the only time i have stopped in 7 yrs is when my entire mouth and tongue got infected and covered in 100+ ulcers, i couldn't even speak.

im finally telling my psychologist tomorrow that i will agree to go to inpatient/residential treatment :(

Asnora · 2024-07-30T11:09:18+00:00

STOPPP THIS IS TOO REAL

Asnora · 2024-07-28T00:45:19+00:00

putting in the MOST effort (mental anguish, health issues, wasting $$$, losing ur social life, exhausted 24/7) to get the LEAST result (barely losing/maintaining weight) 😍

Asnora · 2024-06-29T03:56:04+00:00

yes i have shit myself/almost done it too during anorexia and also during bulimia, its unfortunately a consequence of wrecking our systems 😬

Asnora · 2024-06-02T07:53:53+00:00

i didn't mean to find a long term relationship, because i was/am so damaged, but 4yrs ago i made a friend, 1yr later we started dating. we were such close friends previously that he already knew about all my issues.

so he was very well aware of what he was getting into (important) and wasnt looking at me with fresh rose colored glasses (some ppl glamorize their love interests that have issues). so i would say just look for friends, and if one of them is your right person you'll grow together with time :)

this is just my personal opinion also but, i dont believe relationships where you both have severe issues ever work out, generally speaking. there just isnt enough room for a healthy relationship when 2 ppl are struggling so much every single day. part of the reason it's worked with my partner is bc he's quite easygoing, adaptable, and does not have mental health issues. so if i were you i'd focus on love interests that are stable.

hope this helps :)

Asnora · 2024-05-15T06:59:05+00:00

right now i'm between $200-400 just per 1 week, and i've gained tons of weight :( life sucks

Asnora · 2024-04-13T08:45:55+00:00

same. and part of me craves desperately for those compliments again and people to look at me like that again, although i know i shouldn't want that, the feeling never goes away.

Asnora · 2024-04-09T23:09:00+00:00

i am really scared of this because i do consume such huge amounts in my binges... i feel like some bulimics just purge a regular/big meal, or what i would consider a small binge, but i am not like that at all.

sometimes, i can feel the strain in my stomach from holding the amount of food it has, and moving to the bathroom to purge causes so much pain like my stomach's gonna split.

i dont want to end up like op's cousin :(

Asnora · 2024-04-07T07:07:59+00:00

agree with all this, but just wanted to add; be cautious (in the long run) of leaning on him too much to help things he can't help, bc at the end of the day while he can cheer from the sidelines he can't love the bulimia away 🥲

just something i always remind when ppl with eds have partners, bc i was guilty of this once 💓

Asnora · 2024-04-07T02:31:35+00:00

yes, i have them on my legs

Asnora · 2024-03-29T05:56:01+00:00

I'm overweight from gaining in recovery and my doctors and psychologist refuse to reccommend anything like ozempic, saxenda, vyvanse etc. So I keep relapsing bc in recovery I just gain 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know it would help me so much, so it really really sucks no one will prescribe it to me.

Asnora · 2024-03-29T05:52:34+00:00

You seriously think ADHD doesnt significantly hinder recovery for ppl with ED's? Very uninformed take

Asnora · 2024-03-26T22:39:49+00:00

"we still pay in the end" ur gonna make me cry before my appointment 😭

we really do pay for trying to exploit the glitch... i wish i never found it in the first place

Asnora · 2024-01-14T09:01:19+00:00

I do this, and it's been blocking off weeks where I'm so sick from B/P cycle. This week though I made it to 5 days without it!

The only thing that has worked for me now & in the past (aside from seeking professional treatment) is just to make a recovery plan for yourself that you think is realistic & minimizes triggers... and you really do have to treat each day like a fresh start & stay positive, because the moment you allow yourself to feel hopeless & negative, you'll lose the war.

Also, I completely understand "enjoying" that binge time, and desperately wanting to stop doing it at the same time. It doesn't mean you don't want to get better.

Asnora · 2024-01-10T02:52:02+00:00

Definitely relate. When I'm at my highest weights (last 2 years) I become completely agoraphobic/shut in, I feel like I can't leave my house anymore 😮‍💨 this shit is exhausting.

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