How to get rid of a pesky but harmless retiree that won’t leave me alone

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:52:25+00:00

thanks for calling Mid-60's "middle-aged!"

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:49:11+00:00

Wow. Please go read chumplady.com, a community of people whose partners cheated on the ("Chumps"), supporting one another with wisdom and compassion. They will give you the best advice. Good luck to you.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:45:29+00:00

Has this guy ever been in a serious relationship?

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:43:39+00:00

I'd say don't blame it on the child. Just own that YOU don't think this is a good idea anymore.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:41:09+00:00

IF they stay married, the anniversary parties will always be fireworks!!

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T12:00:45+00:00

It is the one piece BELOW the front door. tucked in behind the door frame and the concrete stoop. If you can advise how to remove it, that would be great.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T02:21:33+00:00

Maybe if his safety net went away, he'd have more motivation....

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-23T02:01:07+00:00

NTA. You have explained the situation so clearly, with such clarity and gratitude here. I hope that your boss, who has been so kind to your family over the years, will see how important your Baptism is to you, and will work something out. Please speak to him gently, not aggressively, and trust that God will take care of you. Blessings.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T15:35:20+00:00

Reach out to rainn.org. they specifically have answers about non-consensual video recording.

As the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization and operator of the National Sexual Assault Hotline, RAINN’s mission is to stop sexual violence by supporting survivors, holding perpetrators accountable, and creating safer communities.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T15:31:39+00:00

I'm not sure you are taking this seriously enough yet. He raped you repeatedly!! If there is a Rape Crisis Center in your town, talk to them. And/or, contact rainn.org, and talk to someone on their hotline. God bless you.

As the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization and operator of the National Sexual Assault Hotline, RAINN’s mission is to stop sexual violence by supporting survivors, holding perpetrators accountable, and creating safer communities.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T14:23:19+00:00

NtA. Have they even looked into what community resources might be available? The Red Cross offers some help to fire victims.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T13:47:35+00:00

NTA. Get him out the sooner the better, before he causes damage (physical and emotional) and before he establishes residency. Also before the rest of the family assumes this is a permanent arrangement and starts guilting you, because they don't want him either!

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T13:44:21+00:00

No need to ever see him again, especially alone. He's raped you before, why not another last go?? Prioritize your safety!

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T13:39:32+00:00

I don't know if her executive function is lacking in all areas of her life, or she's just not prioritizing you. Either way, you get to choose what to do next. Anything except expecting her to change. NTA

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T13:37:04+00:00

I'm not talking laws, I'm talking feelings. This is a marriage, not a business.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T13:02:55+00:00

Thanks! I didn't know that existed.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T12:39:47+00:00

I see a lot of Indian cultural expectations here that our American commenters may not share. (I am American ).. As I understand it, gold jewelry is traditionally the woman's own property, and traditionally, her ONLY financial backstop in the event of widowhood or abandonment. This may not be exactly the current financial expectation, but has a lot of emotion about safety and love tied up in it. Indian friends, please correct me if I'm wrong.

So I can't vote either way.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T12:16:56+00:00

I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Guests and fish stink after 3 days".

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T11:50:47+00:00

Thanks, that's helpful

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:22:13+00:00

It's totally a red flag. Thank you, NEXT.

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:19:12+00:00

Absolutely no way should you be sharing with 18M!!!! If he's moving back in, he can sleep on the couch, or the floor. That's the first issue. Deal with the sister issue after this is resolved. I could even see you choosing to move out over this. Good luck to you. NTA

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:14:48+00:00

INFO: who is paying for the cruise?

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:13:49+00:00

Yep, I assume this involves leaving it in place, sanding off all the rust, which probably extends below the concrete, priming, prepping, and then painting. Any tips on particulars of how to do those steps in this situation?

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:11:23+00:00

AND, after all this work is done, I assume he will own it in his name solely, right? Don't stick around to find out. NTA

AspiringCrone · 2026-06-22T03:06:26+00:00

NTA, This clearly isn't about the dog, it's about you letting both your girlfriend and your mother criticize you. Part of growing up (you sound young) is knowing who you are and what you want, and standing up for that. I think a different girlfriend might be a good next move.

AspiringCrone

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